BM invited DH & I to a party..
Dh says to me yesterday... Oh.. we were invited to BM's bio daughter (not dh's in any way) upcoming 4th bday party. I said, no.. YOU were invited.. there is no way that woman invited me.. remember.. I dont exist, I dont count I am nobody (bm's words).. dh says.. actually.. she said you as well.. she was very specific about that. He said he told her he would let me know.
Here's the thing. This woman in the past (and by past I am talking about the last 3 yrs with the most recent incident being 4 mths ago) physically assaulted me and verbally bashed me with untruths and flat out hateful comments. WHY would I want to go to any party this woman was throwing, especially if its not for SD & SS??? she has not once apologized to me. She tells dh she is sorry.. but he isnt the one that she takes her anger and frustration out on.. that would be me.
Soo.. I told dh tell her that if she is ready to apologize to me for all the cruel, hurtful and illegal things that she has done to me, then I will CONSIDER going, otherwise HELL will freeze over first.
Would any of you go to this party?? Do you think she is going to use it against dh w/the skids.. (ie.. I invited daddy and frustrated but they said no.. )? or do you think that she is trying to be nice?
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Uhh...no.
I understand 100% what you are going thru. (Minus the assult part) Bm on our end HATES me. You would not believe the things that she has told my 4 year old SD. Then she goes and sends this email saying that she wants to be friends and wants to meet so that we can talk. HAHA. DROP DEAD! Thats what I wanted to say. However I keep on the nice side and say "No thank you". I feel that there is something going on all of a sudden. We are in a nasty custody battle trying to take SD from her and it has been NASTY, then all of a sudden she wants to be buddies? No. She can have her life on her end and I Will keep my life on my end. We do not need to mingle. SD has no clue as to what is going on. She thinks that we all get along just fine. We will keep it that way without me being "friends" with the Devil. So if I was you (And seeing that this is not ever a SS or SD that they party is for) I would not go.
no freakin way
y'all dont need to be that close and in each others social circle. i would have a hard time w it even if it WAS for the skids. honestly. its not one big happy family anymore. its fantastic when everyone can get along like that but thats not the reality for most. ive got a BM like yours and bc of that, i would never trust her and would doubt the sincerity of everything. awful to say but shes just done too much to us. i cant even gues her motives, but if she is who/what u say she is, im sure they werent pure. stay away. protect urself.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
no freakin way
y'all dont need to be that close and in each others social circle. i would have a hard time w it even if it WAS for the skids. honestly. its not one big happy family anymore. its fantastic when everyone can get along like that but thats not the reality for most. ive got a BM like yours and bc of that, i would never trust her and would doubt the sincerity of everything. awful to say but shes just done too much to us. i cant even gues her motives, but if she is who/what u say she is, im sure they werent pure. stay away. protect urself.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
FIM - I would not go -
FIM - I would not go - especially since this woman has physically assaulted you in the past. Go with your gut and decline the invitation.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
She is a very volital
She is a very volital character. She at times doesnt speak to family members for long periods of time. I have heard recently that her new SIL (well she has been married to this guy for 5 yrs) wont speak to her. Bm sent a really nasty letter to the new MIL saying how she sucked as a parent and the areas where she went wrong, then sent a copy to the SIL and to her new DH.. She did this to my MIL as well when she was married to DH.
The last time I was actually face to face w/BM will be 2 yrs this xmas. I purposefully stay away. She has my phone number, and could call and apologize if she wanted to, but she feels that she is always right. She doesnt feel the rules are for her or her children.
I definitely do not plan on going to this other child's bday party. I call this child my wave buddy.. I sit in the car when we drop off the skids, and never fails, she goes up to the window and waves and smiles to me. Sweet child, I think she gets that from her father.
My dh said he didnt take the invite seriously either. I am just worried that she is going to tell the skids that we declined.. rather than just not inviting us, as it should be. BTW, this kid is turning 4, and its the 1st bday party we were invited to for her. It has been on 4 mths since she told me that I was worthless and didnt count and meant nothing to her or her children.
Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it.
Ugh.
Our BM tells SD that "We dont care" thats why we dont show up to things that we are invited to. Also BM tells SD that we dont call at all, and there are some other lies. So what we do when we call (and actually get to talk to SD) we tell her what days we called. We tell her that we left a message for her too so she knows that we do call her. We tell her what her mommy tells us, like SD is in the tub or SD is out in the yard or in the pool. Then she knows that we did call. How else would we know that she was in the bathtub last night at 8:20. When we are invited to do things and we dont go (usually there are reasons) we try and call on that day and tell her what we are doing (Working or what ever). That way BM cant lie to her anymore. So just tell your Skids why you cant make it. Dont lie. Just dont tell them that BM is an evil hoochie that you want nothing to do with.
Also about the "worthless and didnt count and meant nothing to her or her children" part, that just her being scared that her kids are going to get close to you. Went thru that one also, then BM said herself that she did not want SD to get attached to me and to love me and replace her. Thats why she said that to you also. It just shows that you are doing a good job with the kids!!! Keep up the good work!
Thank you.. I guess I didnt
Thank you.. I guess I didnt look at it from that view point. That she doesnt want me to be close w/them.. I have known these kids for 5 yrs, and thought.. that is great. I have taken them to Disney twice, to visit their grandparents twice and set up countless activities for them when they are with us. I have spent a lot of MY money on them, and was angered by her comments.
I think I will try and look at that comment now the way you suggested. That she is insecure in my relationship w/her children. Its not like I am trying to replace her, but rather want to make their time at our place enjoyable for ALL of us, not just the skids.
Hmm
I wouldn't go, but I probably wouldn't have made a big deal about it either. I always have to think, this just might be the olive branch, and what happens if I bite the hand that holds it? You said, she has never once apologized to you. Maybe she is trying to apologize to you by including you in her family get togethers, therefore showing you that those hurtful things she said about you before no longer are in the forefront of her mind. My SS's BM has never formally apologized to me either.
If your DH hasn't already said something to BM about it, I would tell him just to tell her sorry but we've already made plans, and thank her for inviting the two of you. Then I might send her a small gift like some stickers or something.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
I like the sticker idea..
I like the sticker idea.. and a card. hmmm.. that is possible.
I highly doubt that she wants to make ammends now. The last time I thought she was extending the olive branch, and this was like 8 mths after she assaulted me.. we were invited to the dance recital for sd. We went, got there nice and early.. bought our tickets and watched the whole performance.. then we go up to where the bm, skids and bm's mom were sitting.. and I was ignored.. like I didnt exist.. by EVERYONE, except bm's mom, who glared at me instead. Like I assaulted her child, and not the other way around. We then went down to the after recital shindig.. they further ignored me and my dh was running between me at a table all alone (that was big enough for all of us) and the table they were at that was big enough only for them...
I dont think peace is what she has in mind. She is a childish and cruel. The latest event was 4 mths ago.. and I had a miscarriage after that show down. Soooo.. I am trying to just stay out of her way.