Inlaws.. WWYD??!??!
So, I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE my inlaws. I thought they were the nicest people..
NOT ANYMORE!!
So, to add to them showing up w/shingles in September and wishing to hold BS 5mos at the time. NOW they have told DH that IF we get SD11 & SS11 for Xmas they would like to come up for xmas.
Ummmm.... ? HELLO!!! What about BS 8 mos? you dont want to come because HE will be celebrating his first FUCKING Christmas?? you only want to come if the OTHER TWO come??? SERIOUSLY!?!?!?
I am pissed on so many levels.. I go from being ok about it, to wanting to tell them off. I want to tell them that IF they only want to come for the other two, then no.. YOUR NOT welcome in MY home.
So, DH finds out on Saturday night he will have them for the Christmas holiday.. he wants to know what we should do about his parents (see.. he didnt think she, BM, would let us have them, and now that she is going to, he has to tell his parents.. ) He wasnt going to tell me otherwise. Now I dont think I could stay in the same F N house as them given this new development.
They see BS 8mos as often as they see Skids. The inlaws live in NC. DH is PISSED OFF too.. its not just me.
What would you all do????
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What would I do? I would
What would I do? I would let them visit. Keep your eyes open during the visit. Pay attention to how they react to the kids (all of them). If they only pay attention to the SD and SS, and ignore BS, that would be the last Christmas they would be invited to my home. And I would let them know exactly why they're not invited when they ask again next year.
That sucks, but I would
That sucks, but I would wonder if they really meant it to come across the way it sounded. I would flat-out say, "Here is what I take away from what you said. Is that really what you meant?" If so, then I would NOT invite them to my house.
I also deal with in-laws who can be completely clueless. When MIL came to visit not long after DH and I were married, she went and spent a night with BM so she could see SD's half-sister's dance recital. WHAT?! It didn't make sense to me at the time (it still doesn't now), and I was really hurt. But I wasn't going to change MIL's mind, and she did apologize, so I had to let it go.
I agree, BS should be important enough on his own for the in-laws to make that visit!
Ha! That happened to me
Ha! That happened to me too, Elizabeth! The first time MIL and FIL came to visit, they travelled 40 minutes to spend the night with BM. WTH?? Granted, we were in a 2 BR apartment at the time and just had our son, but STILL? Um, anyone ever heard of a hotel? There was one right down the street for goodness sakes!! And we even offered to put DS in our room for the night. UGH! Whatever...
Maybe they didn't mean it
Maybe they didn't mean it the way it came out?
They know you have BS every year. They are the grandparent to 3 of your DH children, surely they would want to be there for all 3 of them. Not favoring the other 2 over yours.
I would have DH call his parents and explain what they said hurt your feelings. I am sure they didn't mean it the way it came out!
One of my favorite things at Christmas is the excitement of Santa Clause, although my BD no longer believe anymore my youngest SD still does, which makes Christmas morning a little bit more exciting! Maybe with your BS so young and not getting the Santa thing yet, maybe that's what they were looking for!
Just a thought!
I agree, perhaps they felt
I agree, perhaps they felt it as favoritism to just come visit BS, if SK where not going to be there. They probably just said it the wrong way. KWIM? I would invite them, and just observe what goes on.
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
I responded on the other
I responded on the other site......
I have a totally different
I have a totally different take on this... of course...lol... I know that your child is going to celebrate his first christmas, but really, he is only 8 months old. How much "celebrating" can he do? The other chilren are older and experience the true excitement of Christmas.
My 2 1/2 year old grandson came with my daughter to help decorate our tree this past weekend. He lived with me last year when he was 1 1/2. He was way too young to actually experience the event. He was SOOOO much fun this year.
I'm sure your in-laws did not mean the slight. I'm sure when your son gets older, they will enjoy him just as much as they do the older kids now.
What does everyone think of
What does everyone think of this possible email to my MIL:
Hi MIL,
DH said you and FIL would be interested in coming up for Christmas IF we had SD & SS. I just wanted to let you know that we will have them from about noon on Christmas Eve til early Saturday morning. Can you let us know if you will now be coming up, as I need to let my mom know how many people to expect at Christmas.
Thanks,
DIL
I am trying to sound like I am not pissed, but dont want her to realize that I dont know what her wishes were.
It's simple and to the
It's simple and to the point..... It doesnt scream hatefulness or anything...I'd send it
I hear you, my in-laws...who
I hear you, my in-laws...who I love on good days are the same way. They never have time for my son, who is their step grandson...but worse, they never seem to have time for my daughter...their real granddaughter, it's all about SS8 all of the time. They live in a different province and they only come in March for SS8's birthday, every year... they only call us when SS8 is home, everything revolves around that kid... it's my FIL who is most at fault here as my MIL tries. My son called them the other day to thank them for the birthday card, and my FIL didn't even know who he was! It's really annoying....
OMG! No way! He didn't
OMG! No way! He didn't know who your son was? That's beyond terrible. I can only imagine how your son felt. UGH!!! Have you thought about only allowing them to visit during a 'neutral' time of year? A time not around anyone particular child's birthday? Tell them, every year, that you'll all be out of town when they want to visit. Then at least the other kids won't feel pushed aside by MIL and FIL. Geez, what is wrong with people? They're ADULTS??
OMG. that is horrible. How
OMG. that is horrible. How do you deal w/it?? Its just breaking my heart. I know HE isnt old enough to realize yet.. But I SURE AM! Also, my dh is old enough.. and he is ticked.
I am starting to wonder if I did a disservice to my child, by marrying a guy w/a 16 piece set of samsonite, rather than the small carry on I brought into this relationship. Between the ex and her crazy demands on my dh's time, and the skids and their indifference to my child and myself, and now his parents indifference.. I just want to scream.
Sia, I think I will send it. I know dh was talking about NOT telling them until the last minute, so that they couldnt come up. (he is that mad)
I know it frustrates you,
I know it frustrates you, but really, they are his parents and after I thought about it, I thought that perhaps he should handle it.... what do you think about stepping back from it and allowing him to completely deal with them? I often wished I would've done that. However, Dh would never have stood up to his mother...he was always scared of her. But, after I told her off (read the other post on skids), he now stands his ground with her, so mayeb it was a good thing?
Sia, I will talk to him
Sia, I will talk to him tonight and see what he wants to do. I am just so emotionally spent today its not even funny. I must look completely haggard, as that is how I feel.
I think they are truely
I think they are truely stupid. That is how I deal with it. I mean not stupid mean, stupid stupid.... simple stupid..you know? Doesn't make it nice...or easy...or even acceptable... but it continues to happen all the time. Good idea about not being around next March when they want to visit... DH thinks it's sooo sweet of them to come out on SS8's birthday every year... I want to puke.. SS is already entitled...and this doesn't help. My son thankfully is more understanding than he should be. BTW I would send the note to your in-laws.
What's up with grandparents?
What's up with grandparents? Geez! It made me sick...my in-laws (at least mil) did the same thing for years...but you know, my FREAKING MOTHER bends over backwards for my brother's child...yes, she loves mine, is very nice to him, etc...but all she ever freaking talks about is basically my brother's child...sigh...So, I do start to think they really just have no clue. I remember my grandparents, well, we were their favorites too...now looking back I resent them much for that when I see how disconnected they were from their other grandchildren...I have no idea what is wrong with grandparents as a whole...so, try to look at it that way too...if it helps any...hmmm...but yes, I would be ticked off too!