Just got into a HUGE fight w/dh
So.. I am 19 weeks pregnant.. I work full time and I had signed up (prepregnancy) to work a part time job over the tax season preparing taxes. Well.. the Major Tax preparer place that I was going to work at is the most disorganized cluster F that I have ever seen. I mean.. They sent out the day before Thanksgiving the entire schedule for December of classes.. The classes started the MONDAY DIRECTLY AFTER Thanksgiving. (imagine if you went away for Tday.. you wouldnt have got the letter in time).. Any way.. I go to work full time, then go to these damn classes (on how to greet the flippin client, and how to chat to them.. etc) MWF nights until like 10.. now I get an email this week that there is a special Saturday class ALL DAY that I need to attend.. Ummmm.. love the notification process.. Its all last minute. This money was going to be put away for my maternity leave.
ANYWAY.. the fight.
I call up DH and tell him about the email... and how there is NO WAY I am going to yet another last minute thing for these people.. that I do not want to work for them over tax season...
DH: but what about the savings account..
Me: well, I can take $500 each month out of my salary and put it aside in the savings account for the maternity leave...
DH: why dont you stick it out as long as you can? I said.. that is what I am telling you.. this is as long as I can stick it out. I am tired.. I am sick of being jerked around last minute by these people. I cant do it.
DH: but what about the baby..
(I start crying at this point.. I am tired and frustrated.. and why is he pushing this..)
Me: oh let me guess.. this is about how is this going to affect the skids (aka the precious two)
DH: No, I didnt bring them up
Me: No.. you didnt have to.. Listen. Your FIRST WIFE quit her PART TIME Job that she had when pregnant.. I am asking to do the same. I will still be working my FULL TIME job which is a job more than your FIRST WIFE had.. so why are you giving me a hard time?
(then I hang up.. he calls back)
DH: I am not giving you a hard time.
Me: Yes you are.. you arent listening to me.. I CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I am tired now.. what will I be like in Jan, Feb, Mar and April?? and what if they keep jerking me around w/more last minute crap??!!?
DH: Do what you need to do.
(So I did.. I QUIT. I blind cc'd him on just that.. he can kiss my @ss. he took a second job so that his first wife.. that fat lazy cow.. didnt have to work AT ALL.. and I am getting questioned on WHY I want to quit a second job that I have.. I am SO FREAKIN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW)
Oh.. and have been sobbing at work. I dont care who sees me..
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awww..
sweetie...take a deep breathe! Go into the bathroom and splash cold water on your face. I think ou did the right thing. Only YOU know what you can deal with and what you can't.
Thanks Sia.. I just became
Thanks Sia.. I just became so overwhelmed when they wanted all day THIS saturday and only told me this week.. in addition to all the other crap they want me to get done. Its utterly ridiculous.
Calm!! Feel the calm!!
Wow I remember being pregnant AND working full time
many moons ago...it is horrible. Of course you're
tired. Relax and realize you are NORMAL.
To hell with what his fat cow ex did; you worry about you and your baby. Let HIM get the second job.
On a bright note....look at how MARKETABLE you are
in case the future dictates that you need to get
another job sometime down the road...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
:(
I'm sorry hun, I know how unfair it seems, it seems so unfair to me and it's not my life!! You did the right thing, with or without his backing, only you know what you can and can't put up with. He'll come around I'm sure, hopefully with flowers and an apology tonight!!!!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
aw frustrated...
u are overly emotional rite now and ritefully so. i would be mad if i were u too...i took on a PT job, which i love thank god!, bc we were having trouble making ends meet. it is direct sales, so i have complete control and can do what i want. w the wedding and stuff i have been slow. so DH says to me that i need to start booking more parties! oh well THANKS! we wouldnt even NEED that if it werent for ur CS!! at least he works OT, but that still gets me...time away from us that he woudlnt NEED to do if it werent for CS!! AND BM2, yes #2, quit her job or got fired, whatever even before she trapped him by getting knocked up and didnt contribute to ANY bills! so yeah, i see where youre coming from. insensitive jerks...lol!
hang in there and keep doing whats best for u, like i know u are!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Thanks Ladies.. I just
Thanks Ladies.. I just couldnt believe it.. and my gf at work is being weird today. Doesnt want to talk or anything.. actually she's been standoffish all week.. I know she is going through a divorce.. so maybe she is preoccupied.
I had to tell someone.. and if I told my mom... she would have come over and hurt him. lol
Awww, Frustrated!
You shouldn't feel bad about ANYTHING! You are working more than your fair share in this relationship. You're pregnant and you're tired. And the P-T job gives you nothing but added stress, so why should you put up with it????
Your DH messed up big time on this one. He owes you a sincere apology. And a nice, long footrub to go with it (and some sparkly jewelry would be nice, too!)
I'm sorry he added to your stress over this.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Thanks.. I do know that he
Thanks.. I do know that he thinks that.. I have been on my own for years.. and he knows that if it didnt work out between us that I would be FINE.. I have provided for myself for a long time.. and owned my own condo then a home prior to marrying him.
I know he knows that I am stronger than her.. but I guess he doesnt realize that he set the bar way too high.. perhaps its me that set that bar.. As I took this on myself.. but I thought he would understand when I told him I no longer thought I could pull it off.
I do expect that he will be apologetic.. as I was balling into the phone.. and crying so hard at one point that I couldnt speak... for like 10 mins. he just patiently waited on the other end of the phone.
Even though he says he wasnt thinking about the skids.. I know he was... which is why I think he got a bit defensive. He doesnt like having to say no to things, or outings.. and he knows that is what this will mean. Cutbacks.
FIM
"I know he knows that I am stronger than her.. but I guess he doesnt realize that he set the bar way too high"
I think we ALL suffer that nonsense...
I'm glad you did whatcha had to do.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
UPDATE!! He just called..
UPDATE!!
He just called.. said he got a copy of the email.. And GOOD FOR YOU!!
Makes you want to just hit him.. doesnt it?? I know it makes me want to. I wanted to ask where was that enthusiasm an hour ago when I called him to talk to him about my decision.. but I didnt.
I guess I will get the guy that kisses my @ss tonight. That's ok.. but could have done w/o the tears.. he could have just agreed from the beginning... and saved all the drama.
Still havent received a response from the company.. Oh well.
Smack him upside the head
I agree, one full-time job is enough for a pregnant woman.
Sounds like your DH was trying to approach this logically, whereas you were feeling emotional about the situation. Good thing he had the sense to apologize and feel some empathy for you. If it was my DH and I was crying on the phone, he'd probably hang up.
I don't know how you do it!
You were working a full time job AND a part time job besides being pregnant. That has to be EXTREMELY exhausting! Men can be just extremely dense, can't they? Your DH better be kissing up to you tonight.
Maybe this job thing is a blessing in disguise. You don't need to work for someone that is constantly jerking you around. Maybe there is something out there that you could do part-time that won't be too stressful or completely sap you of energy, that is if you're still wanting to do the part-time thing to boost up the savings account?
Kudos to you for standing up for yourself!
I was toying w/the idea of
I was toying w/the idea of running by Babies r' us and filling out an app to ring a register or help people sign up for a registry. Then I would get a discount to get the stuff I dont get at my shower! That has totally been running through my head. And when you leave that job for the day.. its done.. there is no.. oh by the way.. you need to do this extra side class on the web to be able to work.. oh.. and you only have 15 days to do it in.
Elizabeth.. I think he knows better than to hang up on me.. He would have to sleep w/one eye open.
This has been only my 2nd pregnancy outburst where crazy chick has come out. I hope this doesnt happen again. I dont particularly like crazy chick. Last time I was exhausted AND hungry!! lol
FIM, don't worry about being crazy
You're EXACTLY as pregnant as my boss is (19 weeks this week) and OMG, the crazy chick is coming out! She's usually pretty cheery and easy-going, but she has really chewed some people out this week! Once was in defense of me - I was getting chewed out by someone else and she went OFF on him.
Just remember, you've got a lot of hormones surging in unprecedented amounts - of course it's going to affect you. Heck, when I went off the Pill, I would get irrationally angry at people and not know why - then I realized it was the hormones coming and going, and that's not even pregnancy hormones!
I don't like my crazy chick either, so I hope you have better luck with her. I've found that keeping my blood sugar steady does real wonders for my fatigue and irritation levels. I eat small bits quite frequently and make it complex carbs or proteins. White sugar brings the beast out in me. I also notice that DH is likely to be moody or exhausted when his blood sugar is low, so it's not just for women.
Good luck!
~Trish
I think he was probably just
I think he was probably just caught off guard and obviously thinks you are far more capable than the EX, so try not to take it to heart. So I'm assuming by you stating you need to save for maternity leave you are in a state that does not pay you the 6 weeks of disability for maternity leave?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I agree -
take a deep breath sweety.
I would think that DH should know better when it comes to pregnant women's emotions... but alas, men never learn. He wasn't very understanding, and he deserves a big kick in the butt for it! Meanwhile, just take a deep breath and relax. No need to get little baby worked up. Treat yourself to some pie maybe? 
Good for
you for quitting!
But the next time----make no announcements. We women tend to "announce" everything. JUST QUIT and quietly let them know you did it afterwards. Don't even entertain queries as to "why" or "why not". It was just time to quit and SMILE. You are a responsible adult & your judgement is the ONLY thing necessary. You give a man power to decide what you should do or not do and you'll be sorry. Never give your power away.
You're
right Crayon.
Men never announce anything; they don't feel they have to. They are the "deciders" and take pride in making unilateral decisions just because they are "men".
Women "announce" things to feel out approval. F the approval; do what is right for you.
If you want to learn how to be independent----watch the men.