This comment Aswang posted on one of your previous blogs pretty much encapsulates things:

"He was picking fights with you before you left. I mean these weren't legitimate fights. They were like 17 yo fights. He's pushing you away."

His behaviour isn't accidental, and there is no point in probing for some explanation or reason in the hope of a logical cause. No point re-initiating contact with messages or emails in the hope of hearing something different. That's what I have done in the plast and it's a mistake. It's just a way of saying 'please have a good reason for behaving this way so I don't have to leave you', when in fact the best thing is to take control and make the decision to leave yourself.

At best you have a man who is so self involved that he will completely withdraw support when you need it most because he's entirely focussed on his own issues and feelings. At worst you have someone who is deliberately intending to cause hurt and rejection because he is not into your relationship, and who is such a coward that he will just sit and wait for you to work it out rather than ending it in a mature, considered way. It's a cruel way to treat someone, it creates feelings of terrible desperation and anxiety and can leave you so caught up in bewilderment about why they are behaving in such a way that you can't even focus on what YOU want and YOU need, and those are the things you need to focus on most.

He argues like my SS7. Wonder if he gets his material from 1st
Graders

I just went back and read your blogs in the past week or so, and as someone outside the situation, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like he's seeing someone else. He's not only emotionally distant and treating you like crap, but frequently "working late" and "going out with friends." This sounds like someone who has mentally detached because he's already seeing someone else. At best, he is a selfish jerk who does not care about you. As much as it may hurt, I really do think it would be best to move on. You're 29, right? You have SO MUCH ahead of you and youth on your side!! Funny, I was 29 when I married DH 15 years ago. I was in love and had NO IDEA all that I was signing on for...from the guilty parenting to fearing that the SSs would stop visiting and say it was all my fault, to being financially strapped due to exorbitant cs, to living in fear that BM would take DH back to court for more money, to having to ask my family to change every major holiday celebration to accommodate SSs due to whatever BM and her family were doing (yes, there was an Order, but there again, if we refused BM's request, we feared retaliation in the form of her turning SSs against us.) And on and on and on it goes. SSs ultimately stopped wanting to visit anyway. DH finally made his LAST CS pmt last week. Fifteen years later, and we are finally getting to answer the question, "what are we going to do with our lives when we grow up?" Unfortunately, my youth is gone, though I have kept myself well-preserved! lol. I could NEVER have endured all this if DH treated my like crap. My heartfelt advice to you is to move on and find someone who will appreciate you, want to spent time with you and actually care about you and don't waste another minute on someone so selfish and self-centered. {{{HUGS}}}

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have some really good advice here. Someone who is disengaging has a reason. What matters is that you are being treated so poorly, not exactly why. You need support now, not withdrawal.

I'll share with you my personal 'journey' when it comes to loving people that hurt me.

Those feelings are important. They don't mean that what I think about when I have those feelings is 'true.' They mean that something doesn't match. It's my job to separate my emotions from the situation. I can't even understand the situation if I'm distracted by intense emotions. The reason for the emotions is to protect me... but now that I'm an adult, I don't need to protect myself the same way anymore.

So when I'm very upset, that's the very moment I can show myself love. By respecting that my feelings are telling me that something doesn't match. So I use my intelligence to sit down, usually with pen and paper, and try to figure out, "What's wrong?" What's wrong is never that I am a fundamentally flawed and unlovable person, those are just the thoughts I think when I feel hurt and sad and angry. My go-to thoughts, as it were.

What's probably wrong in your situation is that you feel angry that you were willing to suck up how he treats you, but he still ended the relationship. You probably feel a bit of fear that this rejection will be followed by more (your parents, friends maybe).

And at the same time, you know the truth. You know that you were the first to disrespect yourself by allowing him to treat you badly. You probably feel regret about that. You know that him rejecting you is about him and has nothing to do with you as a person. You probably feel sad that you want to be around someone who doesn't want to be around you. You know that being rejected is ok, you'll be fine, nothing has changed about who you are.

I hope you take some time to heal. This is a great opportunity for you. Imagine if you could shed the part of you that drew you to someone who didn't treat you like a queen!

"Mum, Dad... DH has shown his true colours. I tried to ignore them or look for the man I thought he was but he isn't there. He only wants to make his son happy. He has no room for a wife and so I have moved out and will be divorcing him. I know this is awful and sad and it hurts that he can be so cruel. But he seems to hate women and only allows his son to make all the decisions. Her doesn't care about Uncle*. He doesn't care about Dads health. He just cares about farting at dinner and hanging out with his son. He needs a housekeeper and not a wife. So here I am ... single and I have learned some hard lessons. I don't need any money, just your love."

Let him rot in his farty, smelly house with his son. Let them be happy together because soon his son will have his own friends. Or he will be meeting his dad at the pub for a pint because he hasn't any friends. You are too young but I bet your mum and dad remember Steptoe and Son on TV. Ask hem about it.

Some men should have a Govt Health Warning plastered to the foreheads.

Hi fullofresentment.
I DON'T think your dh has another lady friend. I think he is being jerk. His pride ego is tarnished. Happened. When u left him. I moved out 1yr and 3 months ago. Just me and my bs 5 that is 6 now. I moved out cause dh and ss 15 now 16 made a sickening father son team. It was a relationship like the ones that you about on here. It was hard emotionally for the 1st couple of months. Guess where dh is, in my bed and ss16 is at home with a sitter

All I see from that ass is ME, ME, ME. OH, and my dick dumplin' too.

You will hurt for a while but you will be a strong, proud woman when his son passes him in maturity.