When should a child be able to "entertain themselves"

Ugh maybe I shouldn't have used the words "not normal" to dh as of course it didn't go down well but that's what it feels like , very very unnatural and not normal...

Ss is 3 months away from turning 12. He woke up this morning and went down to watch Telly as he does normally on a Sunday morning before we all get up. He has his cell phone and boxes of Lego and toys, books etc at our house. So myself and dh wake up the same time. We are just chatting and have an intimate moment. There's a knock at the door around 20 mins after ss first went downstairs and he walks in and says in a baby voice "i is bored". Dh does pull him up on the baby voice because he knows it bothers me. The Telly won't turn on. Dh says he will be up to fix it in a few minutes. Around 10 minutes later ss knocks and walks into the room without waiting for a response. He again uses the baby voice to say he is bored. Dh says he is getting up now to which ss replies "hurry up". Dh gets up and I am ticked off. He asks why. I say ss knew you were getting up shortly as you do every Sunday. It is not normal for a 12 year old to not be able to entertain himself for less than an hour especially when he has other things there in his room. Dh shouts at me "you don't know any 12 year olds". "It is normal" , tells me I am wrong and goes out to ss slamming the door behind him.

I am so pissed off. I am sick of it. I also said to dh I can guanantee you he does not do this in his mothers house. I get on ok with ss, it's just when he is so attention seeking I feel like I can't handle it. Last night he actually stood outside the room saying "daddddddyyyy you can't catch me " for half an hour. Oh it's frustrating and have a full day of this to get through before he goes home. Am I wrong? Please tell me if this is normal for a child of his age? If it is I will learn to suck it up. I know he only sees his dad every weekend and that must be hard but this type of behaviour can not be helping ss in the long run.

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You have my utmost sympathy.

You have my utmost sympathy. I struggle with this one too. I think children (especially ones who have a room here bursting with books, games, toys, a tablet each and much more besides), should be able to entertain themselves for at least an hour. Nope. Every weekend we must watch them every single minute of the day as they cant even play on their tablets without daaddyyyyyy being in their presence and giving them his full attention. This weekend I tentatively suggested that, as they are 8 & 10 now, that maybe on a Saturday morning they could watch their cartoons, etc for an hour - and we get up for breakfast at 7.30 instead of being dragged out of bed at 6.30? The reaction I got was if I had said "do you think this weekend we should chain the skids to the radiator, starve them and then beat them with sticks?"....so no solutions from me - although I shall be interested to hear advice from others who have dealt with this - but sending much understanding your way....

Maybe chaining them up to the

Maybe chaining them up to the radiator could be Plan B :P Lol. Gotta love defensive DH's.... And that is ridiculous, you should not be their sole entertainment. I would never get up at 6:30 just cause skids wanted us to be up!

It is not normal for a nearly

It is not normal for a nearly 12 year old to not be able to entertain themselves. One of my skids is the same age and has no problem with it. It's just that your DH gives into this kid and therefore he doesn't see a NEED to entertain himself because daddy will always come to the rescue. It's like a baby crying. If they know that the parent will rush to their side as soon as they make a peep, they'll continue to do it. Otherwise if there is nothing wrong, they'll quickly learn to soothe themselves.

It is also not acceptable for a child to just walk into a parents room without waiting to be invited. I would nip that one immediately. If DH isn't going to tell him, then you need to....and each time he walks in, make him walk right back out and close the door and stand there until you say its okay to come in. That is just not acceptable as it is your room too and if your DH gets upset with you, so be it.

I agree that ss is like a

I agree that ss is like a baby crying, looking for attention which is given to him and the cycle begins again. He did this only a few weeks ago came in at 8 saying he was bored. When I brought this up to dh "he replied he's bored he's only a baby" eugh, no dh he is almost 12 but you're right he does act and is treated like a baby!!

Nope not normal at all. Is he

Nope not normal at all. Is he an only child? I think that makes the big difference. I deal with SD15 who needs constant attention every second. She WILL NOT do anything on her own. No TV, reading, crafty things, nothing unless SO is hovering over her. It used to drive me nuts. He finally put his foot down about it. But now she just follows him around everywhere :?

No he's not an only child. Bm

No he's not an only child. Bm has child aged 4 with her current partner but I think that's the problem. He shares attention with brother during the week so when he's here every weekend all of the attention is on him then! It's frustrating!

My three always knew better

My three always knew better than to say the magic words "I'm bored". Would garner them a chore in two seconds.

Im sorry but my ss2.5 can

Im sorry but my ss2.5 can entertain himself for 20 min... that is far from normal!

It's ridiculous. I remember

It's ridiculous. I remember dh took me for a drink months ago when ss was here. His granddad and uncle babysat him and they were annoyed because he stood by the window waiting for dh to come home. The same thin just happened we went to the shops to get something for dinner . He was playing the xbox and his granddad was in the house. We were gone 30 mins max and when we drove up the driveway he had the door opened out to daddy? Again, normal??? He also text him over this time too. We had told him we would be back in 30 minutes. This kid has driven me crazy this weekend. Very annoying.

Totally agreed! Great for

Totally agreed! Great for your kids to be so self sufficient. Ss12 can pour a bowl of cereal on his own but he has declared "dada I made a cup of tea" yesterday several times. I just done get it. Dh has totally stopped enforcing "chores" in our house, I don't say anything anymore, leave them off. I was pissed off all day since 830 this morn, dh has tried to be nice to me and while I reciprocate when he's loving like that, I just thin the whole thing with ss is a bit disgusting.... He's just suh a big baby it's hard to be around and I really felt like my relationship with ss was improving but this weekend he just acted so much like a baby.

Ss has little confidence. It's very obvious, we have worked hard to build that up as he's a shy kid. We found out he was posting on Instagram all this crap like "I wish I was young again". He was only 11. When I saw this I told dh you need to build up his confidence, do man things together, help him with the transition. Dh has gotten better e.g he's stopped the hand holding in public but ss12 still talks in a baby voice a lot of the time and I think dh likes to keep him a baby. Dh was only young when he had ss12 (dh Is only 30) so don't think he's accepted ss is growing up (e.g I've asked him to have the sex talk with ss and he's refused point blank to do it).

Your SS12 can pour his own

Your SS12 can pour his own cereal??? OMG my ss is less than 3 months away from turning 11 and he can't even do that. The one time DH worked for four hours on a skid saturday he had to leave a pre-poured bowl of cereal on the counter for skid and pour a glass of milk and put it on a lower shelf. This was after he asked if I would get skid breakfast and when I said I would teach him and not do it for him, he got mad and did that instead.

OMG

That is ridiculous! I feel bad for you, I couldn't handle that.

Hi step down. Yep that's me

Hi step down. Yep that's me but the websites were a year ago. About a month a go he was treating me like a second thought because I left but to be fair to dh he has pulled his socks up massively In terms of making me feel like I'm not a priority. He has changed completely, tells me every day how much he loves me and appreciates me. If he could just fix this other little thing I think things would be so much better. Dh has a lot if issues about not seeing his daughter aged 5 and I think he projected a lot of that on to me but he has been fantastic but yea this has annoyed me today I think once he knew I was serious about divorce he knew he had to treat me better and he's even started talking about our own children in the future which he was always cutting me dead about in the past which was a major issue for me.

I hope that's not true but I

I hope that's not true but I started a new job last week where I won't need to rely on anyone else or get myself in such a pickle. I think dh thinks he fails ss by not babying him. I dunno it's weird even my parents and sister have commented about how uncomfrtable it is in family situations because ss is lying on top of dh like a baby