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I feel so helpless

Gabby77's picture

Submitted by Gabby77 on Thu, 11/15/2007 - 11:27am

I am terrified. My oldest SD is insanely jealous of her 2 year old sister. I mean I have never seen anything like it in my life. DH plays right into this and ignores the little one to give "extra love" to the oldest. He swears he's always fair but I've told him that the little one can't verbalize her feelings as well yet so he has no idea of knowing how she feels. Now I'm pregnant and I know that the 7 year old is going to be miserable once this baby comes. SHe has to monopolize all of her fathers attention. He can split it 99% to her and 1% to the 2 year old and she is a miserable little brat for that small 1% of the time. How is she going to deal with a baby living with us even after she and her sister go back to their mothers?
What do I do. DH says that all kids have to be treated the same way and makes a big deal with me and my family about the baby not being treated any better then the girls. Yet he can't be fair and they are all actually his kids.....Please help.

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Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 11/15/2007 - 12:08pm

I don't understand your H. Maybe he's motivated by guilt b/c he's spending more quantity time in his life with the 2 year old. So he's making up for it with overdoing the quality with the older child.

I don't know quite what advice to give as my DH is smitten with the baby as are all our older kids. We spent the whole pregnancy preparing them that a baby is the number one priority b/c babies are helpless creatures. We played up that the older kids were going to be the role model for the baby, that they needed to help in teaching her how to be a good person, etc. We made a really big deal about how with the baby their is no "step"- that she is the glue for all of us and equally belongs to each of us. I do think that she has brought us all closer.

I would sit DH down and tell him your feelings. Once again (I'm a broken record here) take responsibility for your own feelings and be careful not to blame him. Tell him you know he's not doing it on purpose, that you just want to share your feelings, acknowledge the mother bear in you as well. Then approach it this way. He may be teaching the 2 year old that her sister is competition for his love. We see this in our 2 year old anyway, she is always being "mean" to DH's 12 year old daughter -and we've not ever shown "favoritism" for anyone BUT the two year old! So in your case your toddler may start acting out to get her dad's attention even more than 2 year olds are famous for anyway!

Peace, love, and red wine