well, i've been reading for a few weeks. nice to know i/we are not alone. my guy and i have been together for over a year....we have ourselves a lovely little baby that no one else was really ready for...just us. we call him our freedom 55 plan...cuz we will be 55 when he leaves the house.....o we think we are funny too.
but day to day life is exhausting here.
i am still married to the dad of my first kids....well u know legally..not really....cuz really, i don't think what we did for years was anything but a farce......definitely not to be confused with a relationship where people are committed and care about each other. but it makes me a bit of a freak i suppose. at least to my kids but i think they are getting over it.

as i was the LEAVER of the first relationship I also assumed all BLAME and they figured i should stay single forever...and cuz during my miserable farce of a marriage...i continually put them first...they had a pretty hard time adjusting to me "being in love" and all that goes with it.

so..... with our very large family we have MUCH going on. apparently there are something like 72 on going relationships in our "tribe" as each of us would have 8 others to contend with. we struggle with jealousy between the kids, and have some pretty extreme behaviors in the older kids.

i was really challenged by someone's post to find 3 positive things about your ex's
i struggled to find 2 things about mine
and really couldn't come up with anything nice about her other than i really don't know her..lol
I"m happy she didn't want my current!! cuz i sure do!
but past that....its hard to think positively about someone who treats someone you love poorly.
its hard to think positively when she drives up to your house and beakons this man she doesn't want over to her car with some stupid smile and yohoo...just cuz they were in the neighborhood and the child wanted to say hi.
its hard to not want to take a baseball bat to her car........but u know...the children are there...and i feel their pain.
so i realize it is important that i at least tolerate her and internally I tell her to lift her f'n skirt somewhere else if she needs help.
there are times when i feel like the second family has to wait while he does stuff over there....i hate it.......the jealousy feeling...not him doing things with/for his kids......cuz the rest of the time i feel like i have somehow monopolized his time and that my own very needy kids interfere with what he needs to do for his own. sigh
and then i am all too conscious of the fact that my own ex is just as annoying. calling up to 8 times a day.
so we are stuck somewhere between what is best for all these kids and what about US?
I have teens that need BABYSITTING...the one is 24 hour job...don't tell me that doesnt' piss him off!
I have a 10 year old that well....at least she is not threatening to kill him anymore......but spews nothing but anger at both of us.
we have those 2 that monopolize time with their bad behavior and seem to be the reason behind the multiple phone calls but still...
annoying.
somedays i don't know how he stays here.
even though my ex? insists he has/wants shared custody.....i am never alone in my house....can't even count on the kids being in school...
and if we are alone, it usually means one of them is GONNA be in trouble within hours. and i laugh and roll my eyes, cuz its wonderful to not be doing this alone...but the poor guy eh? I came with 4 jd's.......well probably only 3....and one that is trying so hard to be everything the others aren't that you feel damn sorry for her. so i guess.....if he puts up with all that.....i should be able to keep my growling to myself eh?