I wouldn't hold back love on account of BM. Kids need and deserve love and the more the better IMO.

Alisha

...but I don't think it is ever wrong to love your stepchildren or to express that love. I don't think it is wrong to be maternal with your stepchildren, either. Some women are just very maternal. I get pretty maternal with all the children I'm around, whether they are my kids, my skids, my nieces or the children of friends. I've just always loved kids and always wanted a big family with lots of kids running around. BM will probably get offended, but I think that's just the nature of the beast. I thought my skids' mom would be happy that they were getting a stepmom that truly loved and cared about them, rather than one that didn't want them around, but she wasn't. It's hard when another woman is mothering your children and I respect that, as you obviously do. But as "fair" as that may appear to be to the BM, how fair is it to the children to hold back love and affection?

My opinion is that children of divorced parents are much better off when all their parents - bio parents and stepparents - are equally loving and involved. I think you can love your stepchildren without trying to take their mother's place, although sometimes it's hard for a BM to accept that. It's sad when you have a biological parent who is too insecure to let a stepparent bond with and love the children. I mean, what can possibly be wrong with loving and supporting and caring for the children of your spouse?! I think if a stepparent feels hostility towards their stepchildren, then they should certainly hold that back, but never hold back the love you feel for your spouse's children.

Then again, we all know where loving my skids got me.

~ Anne ~