what would you do????
Ok...my future stepkids live with us and visit their mother. Okay. We don't get child support, she gets alimony and she does work. My stepchild (14) has been taking money to his mother's house. So yesterday he comes home and I asked him what happened to his $60.00 that was in the envelope that he got for doing his chores around the house and he states that he doesn't know. Then I said could you have lost it or what and then I said did you take it to your mom's and he said no. Then he said it's in my backpack I took it to my mom's and I said okay put it in your drawer and he said he lost $30.00 of it. He said he took it out to show his mom and thinks he lost it. Okay. My problem is he is covering for his mom. She has borrowed money from him in the past. When we were asking him where it was, he looked like he saw a ghost. I am soo furious over this. Any suggestions on how to deal with this or how to calm down over this. Again, she has borrowed money from them and they have told us even though she told them not to tell us.
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Although I can understand why
Although I can understand why you feel frustrated, there's not much you can do. If he gave his mom HIS money, it was his choice. Whether you like it or not. It is despicable, of course, to think that his mom would take her son's cash, and that says a lot about her, but again - not much you can do.
As much as you would want to strangle her through him (figuratively speaking), you might want to let it be. Whether he lost the money, spent on something for himself or gave it to his mom (willingly or not), ultimately it's his loss, not yours.
His money. He can do with it
His money. He can do with it what he likes. Eventually he will see what she is and won't give it to her anymore. I am curious why you don't get any CS?
Open a savings account near
Open a savings account near your home and he can ride his bike over and make deposits. We had to do this with Skid's, same problem except she steals it from them and lies about it. She's even taken all the coins out of their piggy banks. And yes it is Skid's money but I've also seen my skid's BM, cry, say she has no money for food, electric or whatever, I don't want them to have to deal with guilt, they aren't ready.
Have him leave his money at
Have him leave his money at your house when he goes back to mom's.
My SS deals with the same crap when he visits the SpermIdiots. They ask him to fill up their gas tanks, pay for lunch when SpermGrandMa takes the four out-of-wedlock spawn on the big outing to Burger King, and then harrass him for having Rebok's or Nike's when his younger sibs have generic crocs from Walmart.
We stopped giving him cash. Instead we opened a checking account for him and gave him a debit card. We transfer money in to the account when he is traveling for visitation then out of the account when he calls or texts us upon his arrival.
While he is with the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan we keep his accout at $0.00 balance.
They can pay for him when he is there and we make absolutely sure that none of the SpermClan benefit from our work or money.
Best regards.
What a loser. Borrowing $'s
What a loser.
Borrowing $'s from your kids. Your SS is caught in the middle and that is not fair. You can have DH speak to BM - but that will probably just start a war.
Can you and DH speak to SS? Explain that you give this money to him to reward him for doing his chores and that although it is HIS money - you want him to keep the money for something he really wants. Maybe encourage him to save the money and what he puts in the bank - you match. We did that for SD and it worked for awhile.
If he continues to give $'s to his mother - I probably would look the other way. He knows what his mother is doing and he knows that it is not right - don't add to his burden by making him feel guilty.
Sorry I don't think I'm much help.
Rags. Good idea - BM won't
Rags.
Good idea - BM won't use the debit card because she knows the you and DH will find out.
How'd you get to be so smart?
From learning from a whole
From learning from a whole bunch of mistakes.
Mistakes are often due to inexperience, experience comes from mistakes.
I have made a buuuuunnnnnnnccccccchhhhhh of mistakes.
My hubby has a savings
My hubby has a savings account for his son, it has his and SS name on it (NOT BM) and any (significant) amount of $ that SS gets while with us, goes into the savings account and when he wishes to purchase something my hubby takes him to the bank to get his money.
It teaches him not only to save, but protects him from his scumbag mother who would do the same thing yours does.. and saves us the aggrevation!
I used to be guilty of the
I used to be guilty of the same thing!
Even up into my mid twenties i would give my Mom $ until she passed away. I even had BF's get upset because i would drop everything & give my mom my last $5. It is what it is.
I can understand why you would be bothered that YOUR $ is going to BM. Who wouldn't be?
Have a talk with him about his irresponsible way of how he handles/loses his money. I would suggest 1 of 2 things: Cut his allowance in half due to him "losing" it and such and he can get back to the full amount when he starts to show he is being "responsible" with it OR i would put it into a savings/checking with a debit card -- that you will hold onto of course because he may "lose" it.
I wouldn't mention anything having to due with his mother nor would i make suggestions (like he gave it to her) in regards to it.
Thanks for all your comments.
Thanks for all your comments. We do have a savings account set up for him. He just keeps some money in his room in case he wants to spend it. BF has access only to his account because she used to take money out of their account and he didn't know it, this is when they were still married. But he can only access their accounts now. She doesn't pay child support to us because at the time she didn't have a job and was a substance user. So there was no money there. I am just concerned because I wish he could she is really doing but as glynne said he knows what she is doing and he knows it is wrong that's why he was so upset and he didn't want to get his mom in trouble. Thanks. Any more advice I would appreciate it.