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"My Stepmom"

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:37am

FH was married twice. BM was stepmom to SD18, SS18, and SD17(their ages now). At the time when I came into their life they were 14, 14 and 13. Its been 5 years since their seperation/divcorce.
So last night SD18 was telling me how she is taking SD10(from BM2) to a Sweet 15 she was invited to by her BF's family. I know that you are expected to dress up, so I asked her if she had an outfit in mind for SD10.
Her response? "Well I asked my stepmom if she had anything dressy for her and she said she will let me know". My heart sank. I know, I know, I came into their life when they were teens and already had a stepmom. So I am more like Dad's Fiance. But it still hurts. It hurts because I include them in our family vacay plans, I treat everyone as equal as I can. So it hurts, though I know it shouldn't.
Should I talk to FH about it? Is it worth having a conversation about it? Should I ask him how the little children see me?

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:45am

Gi, do you spend any one on one time with the skids?

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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:46am

How long was BM2 their stepmom? I think a lot of it has to do with how long she was their stepmom.

I think at this point, because they are almost adults, they view you as a part of the family as Dad's fiance, and view you as a friend.

I'm sorry for your pain Sad

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:49am

Awwwww...sorry that hurt u...that is the albatross of being a stepparent, imo, u never know when yur gonna be reminded of your place...whether its intentional, or unintentional, it sucks..and I feel bad for u...(((((((((GiGi)))))))))))

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 9:55am

MM, I do. As a matter of fact SD and I go bi-weekly to get out nails done, I guess its "our thing". And whenever we talk on the phone, she always says I love you. And she treats BS7 like her little brother. I guess I thought we were past that, but it looks like BM2 has the title. Sad

Anon, BM2 was their stepmom for 7 years. And from what I know she let the kids know that she had no intentions of being their mom. She used to tell FH that she would figure out things for her kids only. The rest was on him. So it bothers me alittle that she gets to have the perk of being Stepmom, when I'm just GiGi.

LF, thanks for the hugs, and boy do I realize that now. It truly came from nowhere Sad

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 10:24am

Ouch. That hurt my feelings for you. Sad

Seriously though, 5 years later?? Ummmm.....she's not your step mom anymore, they are divorced. I don't get it.

What I do know is that my SD 15 and I have talked about if her father and I ever split up, she says she'll make life hell on any other woman in his life! So I dunno, do you think this is what she's trying to do?

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 11:09am

That's the thing, Jen. I don't really know. And TBH I don't think she feels that way about me. I just wonder maybe its out of habit or whatever.
I guess I am trying to talk myself out of being hurt, but it just really bothers me.

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 11:12am

Gi I think she's old enough that you can talk to her about this. I would just talk to her, let her know why it hurt your feelings. Also let her know you don't want her to stop calling this lady that if that's how she truley feels, but if it's out of habit maybe out of respect for you she would stop......

That would break my heart so I understand why your sad.

Talk to her.....I think she loves you and will be totally mortified that she hurt you.

HennyPen's picture

Submitted by HennyPen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 11:28am

GiGi, don't know if this is helpful, but my dad remarried twice after my mom. I had a SM from 8-14, then my dad married wife #3, although I like wife #3, I never really see her as my stepmom. It in now way reflects how I feel about her, it's just hard to identify with her as a SM once I was a teenager. I respect her as my Dad's wife, I like her very much. I think it has to do with as a child with step parents, you don't just lose a relationship with a step because they divorce again, wife #2 was part of my life growing up and I still identify that with her. I still call her my stepmom, still have contact. It wouldn't be right of my Dad to expect me to have nothng to do with her just because he chose that. He chose to make her part of my life, he can't just expect me to undo it. It sounds like your SD has a decent relationship with you, and it doesn't sound like it was meant to be hurtful.

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... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young