TRYING HARD
I am really trying hard to keep my anxiety at bay. My DH notified me that SS13 will be with us all of Christmas + the 26th. I understand he wants to spend time with SS13 for the holidays and if he is not with us, his BM will just pass him on to my MIL. But why the 26th. He will already be here starting the 21st. I wish that he dropped him off the 25th in the evening (we celebrate the 24th in our house because of our culture we do nothing on the 25th but open gifts in the AM). I have always taken that week off from work to be with my boys, DH never takes off not even the 24th which we celebrate but because SS13 will be here he is now taking it off plus the 26th. He can't understand how upset I am he thinks I should have no problem with this. But I have a problem when he is just here on the weekend his presence alone brings up so much resentment that I try to work out but can't because my DH ignites them with his special treatment of SS13. He knows how I feel but he thinks I just have to swallow it. I just wish he would say I'll drop him off on the 25th, so that I can have the 26th at peace with my BS15 and our BS06. We had planned to go snowtubing but now we can't 
Worst of all I think he is going to hate me, but he has brought these feelings on. Imagine feeling like my DH is not only mine, I feel he has another family. I feel I share him and it kills me.
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That sounds awful. Not only
That sounds awful. Not only the reality bit the fact that he isn't listening to you or respecting your wishes. How long does he think you will live like this? Eventually a person will feel ignored, disrespected, unhappy and want to do something else. I would. It's sounds miserable. Your partner should listen to you and accomodate you. Maybe not every time, but certainly not just ignore your feelings completely and just do whatever.
How long have you been with
How long have you been with your DH?
7 years.
7 years.
Do your BS15 and SS13 get
Do your BS15 and SS13 get along at all? My BS15 and SS20 are closer to each other than BS15 is to BS24 and BS27. It has made our Step situation slightly different than others here. I read about your snow tubing with BS and I wondered why wouldn't you just take SS as well. That would be such an awesome thing for them to do together. I really learned (with time) to just accept that these Skids will be a part of my life for as long as I am married to DH. I also learned how to merge us all together as much as I could because we really are a family and there was no point in fighting it. It is not always easy. There is a lot of Disney Daddying going on but I have learned a lot of patience. I love my DH and I want us to be happy. Part of being happy is just accepting things that you cannot change and putting in the effort to change how I react to them instead. I'm sorry you feel your time off will be ruined, but why don't you try to make the best of it instead of getting upset. Go snow tubing with your family. Take pictures, try and build memories. Am I being unrealistic?
I thought of just doing that
I thought of just doing that but I can't bring myself to it. Every single time we have gone out as a pretend happy family my time is ruined. Sometimes his behavior is not that great, and I feel my DH pushed this on me which makes me rebel even more. It's hard to explain and I feel awful but I can't equate a good time with him. And for me to spend my money, and to have looked forward to this all year just for it to be ruined I think makes the situation even worse. BS15 and SS13 get along but like I have said they do not really know each other, for example my DS15 doesn't even know SS13 mom remarried, or that SS13 has other step siblings. My BS15 says they get along but it's superficial they discuss video games, and BS15 just says he is too selffish and doesn't like the way SS13 treats their brother DS06. DS06 is both of their brothers. My problem is that I see SS13 as a stranger (thanks to DH) and I want to have a good time with my family not this stranger. I know it's bad.
I guess what is confusing me
I guess what is confusing me is how is he a stranger? Doesn't he come over to your house EOW? Your BS15 not knowing that the BM remarried is really irrelevant. My BS15 doesn't know anything about our BM. She is not his concern. If the boys can talk about video games and get along then that is half the battle. Older boys always pick on the younger ones. That is also something that you can put a stop to. Just be verbal, tell SS15 "Hey, stop treating your brother like that."
I really think the MAIN issue here is that you are angry at your DH for all the things he does behind your back and you are projecting it onto the Skid. 7 years is a long time to be with someone and still not have any resolutions. I'll tell you that it took about that long for me to get over a lot of my Skid issues too. Keep trying though. I'm sorry you're upset.
To me he is a stranger
To me he is a stranger because I know nothing about him, I don't know the type of student he is, I don't know what city he lives in, I have never been invited to a parent/teacher conference, I don't know his phone number, I dont' know who lives with him, I don't know his favorite color, I don't know what type of music he listens too, I don't know his thoughts, I know more about reality tv stars then him. I have no idea what shows or programs he watches on TV. I think in order to be a family, we all must know about each other. My BS06 knows my BS15 sisters, father, aunt, uncles, he knows that my son has this extended family, just like SS13 he knows them. But we know nothing about him, I don't think we are allowed to even ask honestly. I think if my DS15 asks him hey do you have any other siblings or step siblings my DH would be upset. It's like he wants to keep him separate but when its conveniant he wants to include him. Too me that's not fair.
So he doesn't come to your
So he doesn't come to your house EOW? You know he lives in NY, you said so yourself.
Maybe your DH is hiding another family. Cause him getting upset if your BS15 asked if SS13 had siblings would upset him is WEIRD.
Here are the questions you need to ask yourself.
Why do you want to know his phone number? Do you want to call him? If not? Who cares.
Why would you be invited to a parent teacher conference? He doesn't live with you.
Why do you care who he lives with? This is of no consequence to YOU.
Why do you care if he has other siblings? Also, of no consequence to YOU.
Why do you care what type of student he is? Also of no consequence to YOU.
All YOU need to know is that this is your husbands son. He comes over every once in a while. If he is respectful of you and your home, that is all you can ask. If he gets along with your Bio's, it's also all you can ask. The rest is just filler and you are working yourself up for no reason.
I do not think it's a
I do not think it's a consequence to me I just don't like DH pushing him on us like oh he is our family, because family members would know that information and share with one another and be an active part of each others life. We are not active in his life nor is he in ours. It seems to me that he wants to keep the two separate which is fine, but then don't expect me to fake a bond, and that is where the problem lies for me anyway. It's two faced to me. Yes he lives in the state of NY not sure what city. When he moved I was not made aware. I think if he included me in everything I would have a bond thus not feeling like I have instead this person who I must now entertain that I have no connection to.