You could also tell him the only way you will move in together is if you see a huge change in how he handles his finances. I would try to see if he is willing to sign up for some financial advising or something along those lines. I know the community college by me has classes to teach you how to manage your finances better. They cost money, but if he actually learned something, it may be worth the investment.

Also, if you move in together do what Mazzy said and keep your finances seperate. My DH and I have to do that because of the amount of student loan debt I brought into the relationship.

My fdh is rubbish with money too. He will buy himself presents (e.g football ticket) before he even has money to pay towards bills etc. He relies on me big time, though he always has to pay me back!
Is there a way you can increase your earnings? The only reason fdh and I can live together is because I earn enough for us both to live on. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet for you two to be able to live together.

Not living together doesn't mean you have to end your relationship.

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Just make sure you keep your finances separate and that you can make it on your own if you decide to throw him out one day. Basically try and hold him accountable but be prepared to handle all money on your own.

"Do you ever wonder if BM has a point?"

Of course, I think we all do! In fact, because of my own experiences being the BM and the ex, before meeting my SO and having a potential SD, I always assume there is an interesting side to the BM who appears to be crazy..... I realize that is part of my baggage and my pain, so I generally don't say anything on here to that effect.

We have to realize as we date people, that all divorces happen for a reason.... sometimes, one person is clearly at fault- ie if they cheated instead of working on the relationship, but even cheating is a sign of a deeper problem. Until a person recognizes what they contributed to the demise of the first marriage, and changes that pattern of behavior, they will have similar issues in a second marriage.

example: I have a dear friend who has been divorced twice. By everything I know, and I know a lot because I've been a close friend, he was a good husband, considerate, managed money well, etc.... on the surface, it looks like the exes were just mentally unstable and crazy ( there are libraries of horror stories and one is diagnosed as bipolar). However, even he contributed to the demise of the marriage, because he chose someone who was mentally unstable and did not share his morals. And until he addresses whatever it is inside of him that causes him to choose these women, he will likely continue to have failed relationships...

It's good that you didn't rush into this, and you're carefully considering moving in before you do it. You're aware, and you don't have to leave him or end the relationships. You can love him, while maintaining appropriate financial boundaries- that will protect you, but it will also protect and preserve your relationship.

Sending wishes for lots of wisdom your way!

I feel that you're eager to get out of your parents house. But I'd suggest staying put and saving on your own until this has been sorted out. Guys tend to do more before women move in or marriage. See how he responds to suggestions of money management classes and a budget.

This is a huge issue that kills love. Try to get it solved now.

It can be done. However, because he's so bad with money, he agreed to let me handle the household finances. We've never been in financial trouble, and we live within our means.
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LOL. That's DH and I also.

I hear you on the financial stuff. Ahole told me that the reason his house was in foreclosure was because he let his ex live there and she skipped without paying it...also the HOA. He also told me after months of living together that the reason he had all these debts were because BM took stuff out in his name without him knowing after they separated and never paid it. He also told me the debts he did know about, he sent BM the money while she lived in his house and she never paid it. What did I do? I of course helped him NOT lose his house, i of course paid the 3 months he was behind, paid the HOA dues...then went on to help him fix his credit.

Fast forward 12yrs and we have had so many arguments about his absolutely pathetic financial planning, paying bills on time, etc...it's not even funny. It makes me even more angry because although he won't admit it to me, I feel that at the beginning he lied to me about all those issues and I still feel that to save face, he is still lying about it. Of course he doesn't want to tell me 12yrs later that he lied about what his ex did and that indeed it was HIM that had not paid the house, the bills, etc...I will NEVER believe that it wasn't 100% or at least 50% his problem. I feel completely used and always do and feel stuck after so many years. I feel I can never trust him. Just even as recently as last month I argued with him about how he's not doing what he promised with the bills and that "if I don't take care of them", he always has an excuse as to why he didn't pay them, etc...and I just don't buy it.

On the other hand, his kid is a complete loser. Yes, she lives with BM who is a sl$%^%^t and a drop out and the kid is just like her, but after many times of ME being the one to enforce any kind of discipline in our home and after going to my Yoga class yesterday and seeing that he could not even keep our son quiet for 20-30 minutes, because he was focused on watching some men make fools of themselves dancing, I wonder if he was such a crappy father too. Yes, that's right. I am with my son 24/7 and no matter WHAT my son does, he hardly ever disciplines him. I am the one who has taught my son manners and everything else...he just sits by and smiles...And you know, I think "you blame your pathetic ex, but really, if the kid was with you, she'd still be a loser because you would never discipline her anyway".

So, I have to say that although we have had our ups and downs and we no longer deal with the ex, skid, etc...as time has passed, I have become more resentful just in other ways. Before it was because of the skid/ex and him doing anything for them and now it's because I see that although he might not have had 100% saying in all that went on, he is still a crappy dad and provider. And that does NOT make me too happy. I think, "wow, if you are 40 and don't have your sh$%^%t straight, what kind of ahole were you at 25!?!" when you divorced crazy witch.