I think it has more to do with one or both ex's not having come to terms with the end of the relationship / never moved on emotionally / never defined the new 'relationship' or the boundaries of the new situation than anything else. Also i think it has a lot to do with bitterness, not letting go of past hurt, and jealousy.

I think that a lot of it is caused from a sense of jealousy. For example I was with my FDH for months before she knew he was seeing anyone and before I was intruded to the girls. How ever once I came into the picture she flipped and did a 180 crazy style. I knew that she hadn’t always been like that because my FDH has always shown me all messages and speaker phoned all the calls before and after she knew about me.

Also I think that once they know about us they feel like they have lost control. Like their ex is moving on with out them, even if they are the ones that made the choice to leave him/cheat on him. That is when they start the campaign against their ex, the start of all the drama and PAS. That SM’s are evil, and Daddy doesn’t love you any more.

Women love power. Come on ladies you know it is true. We are in charge of how our own life is run and we get very territorial over our life. Well when you end a relationship, you have to be willing to MOVE on and let go. All of us have the BMs that refuse to move on and let go, so of course they are all going to be insane and controlling, which lets face it can be mental. There are healthily BM’s out their that have moved on with their life and don’t try to ruin their kids through PAS but the SM’s that have those BM’s don’t make it to this site.

I think you are so right in the fact that they haven;t moved on. Yuck admitted that she hasn't moved on. It isn't that dh is her true love or anything b/c she could have been married to anyone and still wouldn't have moved on. It is the marriage itself that she has not moved on from. The idea that others would see her as a failure and her marriage failed.

Poor dh could have been any guy that she married and yuck would have still acted the same. She never loved dh and even said so it was the idea of marriage and the 'happy family' that she was didn;t want the world to see she failed at.

So she directed her anger at dh since he in her mind screwed up her 'happy family' idea. Instead of stopping and thinking she could have done things different i.e.NOT hit dh while he was holding their son about 30 times that resulted in him leaving for good.

I am a strange BM but I just wanted DH to help me support the kids and do not cause us any problems. I have never given his SO any problems I think she is probably ok but she wasn't around my kids much at all. I haven't spoken to him in years and will not unless it is an emergency. I feel like "our job and relationship is done" (bios are raised and independent)why would I want to continue talking or seeing him. DH seemed to think he could have a Demi and Bruce relationship but I told him that is just crazy. They are actors what do you expect. lol I do wish BM would accept me as a co-parent in SS life instead of dragging me down to him but that doesn't look like it will ever happen. She is just hurting SS and herself. I have read some of the stuff on here and I am like "Wow, that is SS's BM how can they all be so much alike."

I dunno. I have notice that those who had high school boyfriends and you have this break up and get back together factor that those are the pyscho bitches of BM today. They are the ones that stayed in touch with their exboyfriends, and called them their friends after they broke up but as soon as the exboyfriend started to date a different girl that pyscho bitch starts calling him and trying to hook back up again. That habit carry right into who ever they marry

I have never in my life broke up with a boyfriend and just get back to gether with him. Once we broke up he was gone out of my life. I didn't try to stay in touch and see maybe we can be friends....

I look at all my young high school nieces and cousins and pretty much guess who is going to be the pyscho BM of the future.

PB was on the side of mental instability long before I (or even DH) came around. Her parents even sent her halfway cross country to stay with relatives because they didnt' know what to do with her.

She got worse and worse. But it actually wasn't her craziness that ended things AND it wasn't her screwing around on him that ended things. It was her greediness that was finally the last straw.

She still wasn't too terribly bad. Because she still had the money and she still had the control. Then I came into the picture and pushed her over the abyss by telling DH that fathers have rights too and he needed to get a court order.

i know a lot of bm's talked about on here ARE crazy. some of them may have a real mental issue, a lot of them are jealous, and most of them are just stupid.

that said, my ex and i have no contact with each other and never have. he chose to be a loser (which is why i left him) and not have a damn thing to do with our daughter. ironically, the shittiest thing he did was also the best and only thing he has ever done for her-stay out of her life. none of his gf's have ever had to deal with me in any way. we are no different than ex's who do not have kids. as far as he is concerned, i have a kid, he has an excuse to bother me whenever he feels like it (bd17) but he doesn't have to show any parental responsibility otherwise. he just pulls the "i'm her dad" card out when he's trying to force himself into my life.

anyway, none of his gf's know me. they will all say that i'm crazy, though. that's what he tells everyone. i'm crazy, i can't get over him, i always bother him, i won't leave him alone, i'm hung up on him, on and on and on. that is what he gets out of 12 years of no contact and me having to get a RO against him because he would not stop inviting himself into my house and then plop his ugly ass on my couch, make ridiculous demands (that i let him off the hook on cs) and refuse to leave. i have never had a number to reach him at and wouldn't have a reason to call if i did, i never know where he is living (he's been out of the state multiple times over the years and i knew nothing of it til much later, like when he would get arrested in whatever state for the stupid shit he does on a daily basis), i literally have NO contact with him. he is the one who has shown up on my relatives doorsteps when he didn't know where i was and demanded an address and phone number for me and then showed up uninvited and unannounced on MY doorstep. he is the one who was always trying to find out where i was working. he is the one who showed up at my house when i wasnt' there and told my male roommate (that he probably assumed was my bf) that he was my HUSBAND (4 years after i left him and 3 years after the divorce), he is the one who begged me back while he had a gf, you get the picture.

but he tells anyone who will listen, especially whoever he's seeing at the time, that i am insane and won't stay away from him and i'm f'g crazy. :? so i guess my point is that yeah, crazy asses are out there. my ex is one of them.

i just hope that people wait to see crazy behavior out of someone before jumping on the "she's crazy" bandwagon. (not saying you aren't 100% right that bm is a lunatic). if these gf's have an ounce of sense, they will be able tell pretty early on that there is no contact between me and that idiot and they will wonder just how it is that i'm hung up on him and bothering him all the time when they never see a glimpse or hear a peep out of me.

My theory on this is pretty simple. I think a lot of it can be chalked up to mental illness, or just unhealthy relationship patterns.

I can tell you that out of DH's 3 serious relationships, 1 was an alcoholic, the second was mentally ill, and the third is also mentally ill.

In the case of BM1, he knew what he was getting into and never intended to have children with her.

With BM2, she held in the crazy as best she could until she sealed the deal with the anchor baby. Same with BM3. Big difference being that BM2 doesn't want help with her mental issues, whereas BM3 admits she has a problem and seeks help and takes medication.

However, the mental illness DID contribute largely to the breakup in the case of BM2 and BM3...a man can only take so much, and he eventually just threw in the towel. It also accounts for why BM2 is totally nuts now, and BM3 will work with DH no problem....they have a very Bruce/Demi dynamic. Just my 2 cents.

The BM in my case is criminally insane. Documented proof that she is mentally unstable. But, what I can not seem to fathom is how BM can act completely normal for such prolonged periods of time. I have seen BM act like a normal person..Kind of like a show. If she really IS that crazy, then how is it possible that she can "pretend" to be normal for so long? I have seen BM act normal for more than a year when trying to estabilish a new realtionship when she needs somewhere to live and someone to take care of her andall her kids.

But, I have also seen BM wig out and assault my MIL IN public at a major league baseball game :?

I really can't fathom why they do what they do. It has to be the control and power. I'm at a loss as well

Ah see, BM has always been mentally ill. Diagnosed, and everything. Self-check-in at a mental hospital (on DH's dime) But none of that matters - DH is the one who did HER wrong. When he is the one still suffering from the reactions to anger that she literally beat into him.

BM is the most useless human being I've been forced to interact with in the last six years. Her biggest accomplishment was marrying her sugar daddy five years ago. She has zero education. Zero skills. Zero empathy.

She's the one I'd throw to the zombies first when the apocalypse comes - not only is she useless, but she's huge as a house, so they'd slow down for a while longer than for a skinny person.