It sounds like you've grown up and become a responsible adult while he's hasn't and is still acting like an immature teen. This is not a proper relationship and you are not equal partners - you're not his mother or his maid, and it's time he grew up and took responsibility for himself and his badly-behaved kids. He may have guilt issues from the past, but that's not your problem and rather than making an effort to work with you to come up with ways of correcting his kids behaviour, he prefers to do nothing about it and ban you from doing so either, which is a recipe for disaster. He is enabling them to disrespect you and your kids, which shows he has a lack of respect for you too. You may have strong feelings for him, but you will never be happy living like this and deserve a man who loves you and treats you as his equal. You've already answered your own question, that you could continue living with him and be miserable forever or leave and have a happier life, so deep down I think you know what you want to do. He may be good with your kids when his kids aren't around, but how long will it take them to notice the difference in him when they are around? They're young yet but will be affected eventually, when they realise that they're only important when his older kids aren't around, and they will grow up feeling second best to their older step/half siblings. If he's allowing his kids to be out of control, it's also going to mean that your kids are at risk from being around them and will learn far too much about inappropriate things like drugs and drinking.

I think you maybe need to be honest with yourself about this other guy. Are you enjoying his company so much just because he's being good to you and showing you attention, or do you genuinely think there could be a future with him if you were free? People who are in unhappy relationships often enjoy attention from someone else, as they're not getting it from their partner and don't have much confidence in themselves. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but it's worth thinking about. For the time being, I would enjoy his company as a good friend but nothing more unless you do leave your partner, as going further would not be fair on anyone until you're in a position to know what you really want.

I hope you can work things out. Leaving would be hard, specially with young kids, but it's got to be better than living in this unhappy situation which will not get any better unless he wakes up and starts acting like an adult, which from what you say sounds very unlikely.

Good luck

Glam,

I am a man. I have been married to my amazing (single mom) wife for nearly 17yrs and dad to our (her) 18yo son since he was 1yo.

I also have an XW who, though she and we had no children, was not interested in a passionate adult committed relationship. For our entire relationship (1yr of dating, 1yr of engagement, 2.5yrs of marriage)I can count on less the two hands the number of times my XW and I had sex.

Sex is like the seasons IMHO. There are ebbs and flows but the passion is critical. My XW and I had none. My wife and I can't keep our hands off of each other. That does not mean we are jumping behind every bush, door or car we walk by but we crave each others company and we each crave intimacy with the other.

You are a young woman. You have two children that count on you and a BF who takes advantage of you. You know the answer to your question and do not need us to tell you what to do.

Go, firm up your life and find a man who can be a true equity partner in your life rather than a drain on your life. I would not recommend that you jump from your BF to your 20yo paramour. Give yourself some time to grieve the end of your relationship, find yourself, re-bond with your kids, and work on some training or education before you jump back in to a committed relationship.

I was divorced from my XW for ~3.5yrs before I started dating woman with long term relationship potential. I dated a lot in those 3.5yrs but not anyone that had any long term potential. I sold my business, went back to school full time to finish my degree and moved to a different state.

Then within a few months after the 3rd anniversary of my divorce I met several young women who were amazing and definitely had long term relationship potential. One has been my wife for nearly 17yrs. One was the governors niece and a couple of others were professionals (Doctor, Lawyer and a business owner). My wife was the only one with a child. But, she was the one that stole my heart.

You will know when you are ready to get serious with a man and when you are ready there will be several who are worthy of you. The one you choose should be stable, mature, a viable life partner for you, an equity provider for your household and a good example, mentor, advocate and disciplinarian to your children.

I married an 18yo single mom who was on gov't assistance, worked 2jobs and who was a full time college student. In a few months I will celebrate the 17th anniversary to a woman who is a graduate degreed CPA, confident, beautiful and professionally successful. Our son is 18 and is about to report to USAF basic training them go on to some double secret job training. His mom and I are looking forward to having his back and to, for the first time in our marriage, being empty nesters and being able to do what we want, when we want and not running a kid around or committing a significant percentage of our income to supporting him. We are proud that at 18 he is going to be self supporting.

IMHO your current BF is not an equity partner to you, he does not help provide for your family effectively and is not a person you can make a life long commitment with.

My wife and I have had a single sexual disconnect in our marriage. 2yrs ago she was obviously frustrated and had been for several months but did not want to talk about it. Finally I took her to dinner with the expectation that we were not going home until she told me what was wrong. She had already decided that it was time to tell me what was wrong since I had been asking and bugging her for months. It turned out to be a stress/satisfaction issue. I actually chuckled when she finally got it out. Sexual performance I can fix and we did. Stress is something different and each of us has to deal with work related stress more separately than sexual issues in the relationship. The stress we are both still working on.

You are a young woman who obviously has responsibilities and a good work ethic. Please do not allow a man or anyone else to be a drain on you. No matter how nice he is to your kids if he is not self supporting and additive to your household income as well as a passionate partner for you and a good example for your kids then find someone who is worthy of you and your children.

All IMHO of course.

Best regards

I would take the other guy out of the equation for now and just think about your current man and whether you want to spend the rest of your life hitched to him. My dh and the bm got together the same way that you and your bf did-drugs and partying. When they sobered up-they realized very quickly that they did not like one another and had nothing in common. They split before ss was even a year old. They had already actually split but when she turned up pregnant they got back together.

Some things are just not meant to be. If you do not love your bf then you may want to think about getting out. I would sit down and seriously think about what your expectations are out of a partner. When you come up with a nice firm idea of that go to your bf and ask him if he can be these things or do these things-if he says yes, ask him what his plan is. If you truly dont believe he can offer you what you want-then he's not the man for you. It's better to get out now while your children are younger than wait until they are older.

My advice....if you feel like you are settling by being with your BF then YOU ARE !!!!

You don't need us on this site to tell you. You have already told us that you would be miserable living the rest of your life with him.

No one, no matter what their age, needs to resign themselves to misery. But particularly someone as young as yourself.

I hope you find the strength to do what you know is right. Good luck.

I think you are way too young to be putting up with that kind of crap.

And think about your own child. YOU cannot punish these kids. BF refuses to. So your poor kid has to take the brunt of this?

Put on your walking shoes, girl. And get GONE.