a possible step?
Ive been with my boyfriend a little under a year and we thought maybe for our 1 year i could have him move in... the timing is right bc his lease is up and my kids get along with him but.....we just got into a little arguement about bills.... so heres the thing i think he should have to pay for half of the bills bc hes making a commitment to me and my children by moving in with us and knows that i want this to lead to more than just boyfriend girlfriend but he thinks its unfair to pay half bc i have kids and he doesnt think he should have to pay for half the mortgage for tax reasons bc his name isnt on the mortgage... am i right or am i wrong? should he not have to pay for half bc of my kids? i think its rediculous he didnt even expect to...
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You are dead wrong. Those are
You are dead wrong.
Those are YOUR children. You and their biological father made them. The responsibility for paying for those two kids rests in YOUR lap and their FATHERS lap. If you have the kids, I am presuming you collect child support.. that is what it is for.
Your boyfriend is making a commitment to you. Not your kids. If he helps you with them, be thankful. As in thank him! He does not have to.
The fact that she has kids or
The fact that she has kids or gets CS shouldn't matter. If he isn't willing to pay 50\50, the he needs to stay where he is.
Disney, I am sorry but I do
Disney, I am sorry but I do not agree with you. Those kids have two parents that are responsible for them. The boyfriend is not one of the parents. One of the other posters on here had a reasonable suggestion. 1/3. Two adults in the house and two kids, factor the two kids as one third of house hold expenses.
Boyfriends responsibility would be for himself. Mom and dad paying the 1/3 for their kids and mom paying for herself. If the boyfriend wanted to kick in and help pay for part of mom's expenses I could understand that. But to expect him to pay half... expect him to pay to take care of someone else's kids, is not fair.
We as step parents complain about this often. That it is expected of us to Pay/take care of/ sacrifice for our skids... all while being told that they aren't ours and we have no say. We vent about how unfair it is, advise each other to keep our finances separate: then a BM comes on here venting that her boyfriend does not want to pay for her kids and suddenly the boyfriend is the bad guy? Why?
Because he is setting a boundary before cohabitation begins. That he will not pay for half. Not his kids, not his financial responsibility.
No way would I agree to live
No way would I agree to live with a man and let him get away with paying less than 50% of the household expenses. He can pay 50% if he lives with me or 100% and live on his own. His choice.
DF and I split our bills 50\50. I have one son 20 who is away at college. He has one son 20 who lives with us, a daughter 14 who is with us during the summer and daughters 4 and 7 who are with us EOWE and one month during the summer.
According to most here I should be paying less than 50%. That just seems wrong to me.
OMG what a load of crap, the
OMG what a load of crap, the bottom line is if he wants too live in HER home and reap the benefits of the things SHE pays for then he should contribute towards them, I mean DAMN theres nothing like expecting a free ride phhhfftt. And as for them being her children and him making a commitment to her not her kids, that is TOTAL BULLSH*T, and man who meets a women with children and wants to move in should be prepared too take them ALL as a package deal. Come on sasx would you want too be with a man that wants you but not your kids, that wants too live in your house, leech from you and not pay his way. I doubt it very much, so yes she is right for wanting him too pay up.
everytime i write on here u
everytime i write on here u people r so like ... blunt and almost like in ur face rude... tere is nicer ways to say things ya know...
What you are calling rude,
What you are calling rude, was simply honesty.
Your boyfriend did not have the fun of making those children so he should not bear the financial obligation of paying for them. For you to expect him to was unfair. To escalate your insistence that he pay for them into an argument was rude. To him.
Should he contribute to the household? Yes. Should he pay half? Only if it is only you and him living there. Another poster made the suggestion of 1/3. That seems to be a fair middle ground.
I have been reading on these boards for a long time. A step parents pet peeve is paying for other peoples children, or being made responsible for them yet having no say. This man is not a "step parent" yet. He is dipping his toe into the cesspool of blended family madness and what happens? Something bit his toe. Hard.
Frankly if I were him, I would be apartment hunting.
I think it's a huge red flag
I think it's a huge red flag that he doesn't want to pay half the bills.
Yes, they are your children. Your CS should go for providing food, clothes, and other miscellaneous necessities that kids are constantly needing. However, CS should not be going towards floating your boyfriend's free ride.
If he's not in a financial position to pull his own weight and contribute, he's taking resources from your kids by living off of you for free. Huge red flag as to what kind of person he is.
Half and half definatly is
Half and half definatly is not fair if your looking to split bills,
depending on how many kids you have you should consider 2/3. because it really is not fair for him to pay half when its just him. you pay 2/3rds of the bills and he pays 1/3rd.
My BF and I did the same thing at first, I own my home and i have 2 kids and he had 2 kids, so obviously we split it 50/50. eventually though all our stuff melded into 1, checking accounts, the bills, etc, we bought a car together,
Another way you can do it is discuss bills, For example, you pay the rent and your car payment aand your own cell and anything personal expenses you have, , and he can pick up a couple utility bills like electric and water, and cable, pay his own car payment and cell phone and personal.
As far as him helping with paying the mortgage it wont affect you tax wise at all, Hes not going on the mortgage but he should at least be paying rent and helping with bills unless hes looking for a free ride? Did he think he was going to move in with you and not pay anything? Or did he just not want to pay half?
My DH and I had this same
My DH and I had this same issue but in reverse--he was going to move into the home that I owned and wanted to pay half...I felt he shouldn't because my 2 kids lived with me and his 2 only visited once a month and for the summer.
I wasn't yet comfortable having him be an equal partner in my home/finances etc.
We decided to wait another 18 months to move in together when we got married. By then, we were ready to truly be partners in everything and bought a new home together that was jointly owned from the outset. We just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. I wonder if we would have made it this far if we hadn't taken our time about blending our lives and financial commitments.
I think you should take this disconnect between you and your partner as a sign that you may not be ready to move in together. It is a big step and all the more complicated when skids are involved.
To be honest, I think moving
To be honest, I think moving in together is not a good idea. Its only been one year. Might be a little hasty. Are you certain you can trust him? Are you sure you guys will eventually get married? What if it doesnt work? I do think he needs to pay his share of rent, utilities and food. That is.....his share. I do not think it,would be fair for him to be responsible for your kids. Instead of 50/50, maybe assign bills? You pay rent/mortgage and he pays gas, electric, etc so it ends up even for both of u and it doesnt seem like hes supporting the kids directly. I understand that you want him to chip in....i know what its like to have a man mooch off me. Just be careful how you put it, are u willing to negotiate? Personally, I would be put off if if I had to pay 50% with out being heard.
This is pretty much what I
This is pretty much what I was going to say.
I understand where he is
I understand where he is coming from in some aspects. At least he is putting it out there now in the beginning that he is unwilling to pay anything towards your kids. I do also think that how much CS you are getting compared to how much bills costs is a big factor that we dont have the numbers to compute.
In my situation, because FDH has always paid a lot of CS, I have always paid more than my 1/2. I had no kids before our BS together. I probably paid 75-80% of bills before we had BS. Now I pay closer to 95%, and this includes the stuff that SD needs when she is here AND 100% of anything BS needs. Completely unreasonable if you ask me, but thats just how the situation is now because I didnt put my foot down in the beginning and say if you cannot pay your 50% PLUS what SD needs while she is here, then this isnt going to work.
You definitely need to be open and honest and lay out all the numbers on the table before you decide to move forward. I dont think he should have to pay for your kids, but 1/2 of the mortgage/rent is not unreasonable. I would bet that he is expecting his bills to go down and not up because of your kids. You just need to talk real numbers with him, and see what happens.
When I moved in with DH and
When I moved in with DH and the girls came to live with us, he was so drowned in debt whereas I had virtually none, I am quite certain that after combining our finances I was the main provider for his daughters. I'm still probably providing more disposable income simply because of our difference in debt obligations. BM does not pay CS.
Do I think this is fair? Absolutely not. Do we live in a fair world? Absolutely not.
HOWEVER, it is perfectly reasonable of him to refuse to pay half. I'm no saint but in all honesty, I'm providing for my skids what their BM should be. Not everyone is up for that.
A year is really way too
A year is really way too quick.
Also, it is NOT fair to ask him to shoulder have of the expense of the home. Should he pay his fair share? Of course. Define what his fair share is, though.
Why should he essentially have to pay for half of all your kids' expenses, too? That makes NO sense. None. It sounds like you're trying to take advantage of HIM not the other way around.
You and your ex are responsible for supporting your kids. Simple. I think factoring two kids as one adult makes a lot of sense. BF would pay a third of everything.
He is not committing to you AND your kids unless that has been CLEARLY stated by him. He would be committing to YOU and YOU only.
Again, I think a yaer is too quick.
okey dokey... well... his
okey dokey... well... his rent is 350 now for and he wants to look for a houuse to rent and it at least gonna be close to 500 and my mortgage is 390... so theres that... and it was both oof our ideas to move in together at first i told him it was just a thought and maybe we might be ready for this but since we first started talking about it things just went in the wrong direction and i sort of decided we should wait on living together and he was actually really hurt and upset over it... he said if i want him to pay half he would but just didnt think it was fair... its nice he offered to pay half its just i think he should have wanted to pay half... be an equal in the family and committ to us emotionally spiritually and physically and financially... yes these children are someone elses responsibility but i nly recieve child support from one father and not the other and since when should mortgage and bills be paid for with child support ... i think that money should be used towards clothes and new shoes hair cuts and school stuff... he is most definately NOT a moocher he is wonderful and contributes in a lot of ways
im a lucky woman ... bc i was in a relationship with skids i know what not to do and what not to say bc i know what hurt my feelings to a point that made me want to leave the person i cared about at one point and time and i never wish that upon him whatsoever... but he just jumps right in and helps out anyway he can in a genuine and caring way that makes me feel like he knnows for sure that this is what he wants 
thank u everyone for the wonderful advice...