Jealousy?

I been with my GF for over a year and she has a recently 12 year old kid who acts like she is 8 years old or younger. I met the kid around 5 months into the relationship. She also loves being with her mom. She recently said to her mom that she doesn't like going to her dad and rather stay with her. Before me being introduced and a little after. The girl used to go to her dad's every other weekend but now it's been every two. She begs her mom not to send her to her dad's and my GF can't say no to her. I feel guilty that I don't have any feelings for this kid or that I find her annoying. She not a bad kid at all, although she is very very shy and heavily depends on her mom to do everything for her. I count the days and hope that her dad takes her on the weekends. My GF also told me that she does want alone time with me, but has trouble saying no to her for everything. I can't even be on the couch with my GF without my future SD being there hugging her or saying "mine" while hugging her mom and looking at me. Till this day I don't know how my GF does not notice that. Maybe she feels like I'm taking her mom away from her and maybe there is jealousy. Thankfully I haven't gone to a vacation with my SD yet. I don't know how I can take this.

#Attention seeking #exhausted #stepdaughter #help

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I recommend

Reading posts on this board before making any long-term plans with GF.

Yes, that jealousy is real, you arent imagining it at all.

Yes im reading about these

Yes im reading about these post. Only thing is I really love this women. Out of all the relationships I been in, me and her understand each other and we bearly have any arguments. We work in the same field and it's an amazing relationship. Only problem is the little girl.

I hate to be the bearer of

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... the problem is NOT the little girl. The problem is that your GF is not parenting her daughter.

1. You say the kid is immature. Well, who raised her? Your GF..your GF has not encouraged her to be more mature. She has allowed and maybe even encouraged this dependence because it made her feel needed.

2. It's 100% normal for a kid to be jealous of a new person that is taking attention that has been 100% on them in the past. What needs to happen is your GF needs to put a hard stop on that kind of behavior.. doesn't need to be mean about it, but she shouldn't allow her child to push in between you. etc..

And.. remember that you are just one car accident away to your GF having full custody...so either she "mans up" and becomes a better parent or your life is going to have a lot of problems due to the way she raised and is continuing to raise her daughter.

Stepparenting takes WAY more than love for GF, I'm afraid :(

BIG RED FLAG ALERT!!! --------> "Only problem is the little girl."

If you feel like this little girl is a "problem" now, I GUARANTEE you that the two of you WILL have arguments over her behavior and how it affects your relationship down the road. In my personal experience, everything was unicorns and rainbows in the beginning with my SKIDS. Just like any relationship, there was a honeymoon period and I was "shiny and new". The real hard stuff didn't even start for a couple of years after we moved in together and they realized I actually expected to feel at home in my own home and have some sort of say about what goes on there.

My SD17 was 12 when we moved in together. She's was my biggest fan and I hers for years. Now...she hates me, steals from me, lies to and about me, and tries to get her dad to kick me out at every corner. She's super jealous of my relationship with her dad. All 3 SDs seemed to get that way the older they got and the closer they were to moving out on their own. Mainly, I think it's because my SO coddled them like your GF is doing with her daughter. I would definitely wait to see if GF can get a handle on THAT and set some healthy boundaries before taking it to the next level. And honestly, if you don't click with the little girl now, the teenage years are going to be unbearable! Give it time. I wish you the best in this!

OMG....Are you dating my

OMG....Are you dating my husbands ex-wife?? FOR REAL!

I'm sure dad wants the kid to come over more...mom has PAS'd the kid and is LOVING it. Proof is when you said, she can't say no.

RUN AWAY NOW and never look back.

PAS'D?

Parental alienation - not

Parental alienation - not sending the kid on visits to the dad is an alienating behavior on her part.

Your GF is crippling this

Your GF is crippling this child with coddling. She's acting like a thumb sucking infant. Gross.

This skid will not launch. They're enmeshed. Too much emotional incest going on here.

Another amazing relationship

Another amazing relationship with a terrible parent.

She's not an amazing partner if she won't make time for you. And I'm a bit horrified by her just letting her daughter skip visits with the father (as if he's not important). And she's unable to set any limits on her daughter.

You may be blinded by love right now, but this is going to get old really quickly. And don't have kids with her, or some day you will be wondering when you will get to see your kid again, like this kid's father probably is.

Great point about visitation...

I don't know the backstory there about the dad, but good point.

More details

Alright guys so let me add more details to this. The dad, he is a good for nothing, he can't even remember his daughter birthday or do anything useful. Yes he does take her in when he has to. He recently had another child with someone else and sometimes forgets to talk to his daughter on phone. My girlfriend is the total opposite, she is a super mom and does anything to make her happy. So yea my so called SD has a favorite. Today my GF is bumbed out and realize the situation. She also even said that she needs a break from her at times and would love to spend time with me alone, but she doesn't like forcing her kid to do something she not comfortable with. She is also conflicted about the situation and doesn't know what to do. I told her to talk to her daughter and make her understand that she has a father. This kid is more comfortable with the mom, she was with her father the other week crying to her mom about coming back and missing her. My GF knows I'm annoyed with the situation and is conflicted on how to split time for both of us. I feel as this kid thinks that I'm taking her mother away from her and is trying so hard to win her back.

Your gf has more than likely

Your gf has more than likely created this situation. Her ex may not be a great dad because he was marginalized by your gf. THAT is PAS. Time for your gf to fix this before she is a single mom for life

Please read up on Parental

Please read up on Parental Alienation.

Guess what, my DH believed all that crap about his stepdaughter's father, too - and unwittingly supported his ex alienating his SD from her father, because he was supposedly a cheap jerk who didn't care about her.

Then he left BM, and guess what? Suddenly he was the bad guy and she alienated his son from him. All the same untruths were applied to him and she allowed his son not to speak to him for THREE YEARS.

Regardless of what you and she think of the father, it's the child's father and neither of you have any business interfering with her time with her father, PERIOD. If she cries to come back to your GF's house, it's her job to tell her no, it's Dad's time, and to work with the father on how to support her time with him. NOT allow her avoid her time with dad.

Obviously, you aren't going to listen to us because your GF is "amazing", so find out the hard way.

You are right

All of you are totally right. I'ma have to talk to her about this situation. I told her yesterday to stop acting as if she doesn't have a baby dad who can support you. And talk to her kid. Supposedly she is gonna talk to her now. Fingers crossed.

Again to be crystal clear

Again to be crystal clear this is 100 percent on your gf who created her issues. Well...90 percent..lol. she absolutely does not need to go to her daughter and say...

'You need to stop doing x because it bothers my bf. Bf says you have to spend time with your dad...'

It will be tricky to not have this become YOUR fault in the girls eyes

Doesn't believe in "forcing

Doesn't believe in "forcing her to do something she's not comfortable with"? If she didn't want to go to school, would your GF not "force her" because she's "not comfortable"? I doubt it.

We aren't talking about her eating Brussels Sprouts, we are talking about her other parent, here.

This is the world view of a woman who feels she owns the child and doesn't have to encourage a relationship with the father. This is a very selfish outlook. You may not be seeing that selfishness, now, but believe me, you will.