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Godfirst84's picture

Submitted by Godfirst84 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:25pm

Sad I have been with my husband 5 years and hav a 4 yr old son. My husband has three daughters to an ex wife who cheated which ended their marriage. The girls are 19 w/ a 1 month old baby and has no relationship with me, 18 who now lives with us and has a relationship with me , and 12 who was always close to me till recently. A lot of drama is involved with all of them and there mom is their best friend. But my issues are many and I'm still learning with all this but since the 18 yr old moved in she's expressing a side of her dad I've never seen. And I've been feeling like he keeps stuff and conversations he has with his ex from me. He says he's trying to stay on her good side because he wants to eventually get costody of the 12 yr old. But I just seen a conversation he had asking how his ex has been and her talking to him like they are best friends. They were high school sweet hearts so whenever she runs into someone they knew it's like she wants to walk down memory lane with him. It really upsets me and he knows so that's y I feel he doesn't always tell me. But it don't feel right to me. He loves me unconditionally and shows it but part if me drives myself crazy thinking he does still care for her. She has also been with a guy who she's been with for 7 yrs and has recently found out he's been cheating on her. So she's been talking to my husband a lot and since the grand baby was born she once again wants to bring up about there daughter when she was a baby and again this doesn't feel right to me. Please help.....advice to help my running mind....

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hornet64's picture

Submitted by hornet64 on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 5:46am

Okay, I can relate to what you are saying. For a long time, I felt like DH kept conversations with his ex from me. In fact, one time, I saw a text message on his phone where she was trying to reach him and his reply to her was, "I'll call you after my wife leaves for work." Well, I felt the way you did... what is he or they hiding. So one day I confronted him about the message. He said that the meaning behind it was that he refuses to take time away from me while I'm home because when I go to work, it's for hours and hours on end. He said that he was letting her know that he was not going to interrupt his time with me to talk to her. Seems like a reasonable explanation, right?

Fast forward some... with all the crap I've seen with family court and how mom's always win no matter what, things have become more clear. I used to get onto my DH all the time for being WAY TOO NICE to his ex. The way I would hear him talk to her left me wondering sometimes if he still had feelings for her because he was sooooooooooooooo friendly and nice. What I have come to learn is that if he's not that way towards her, she threatens to go back to DSS or the court for more child support or she'll withhold their son from my DH and not let him see the kid. And she totally uses this to her advantage. She KNOWS my DH has to be nice to her and basically give her what she wants... whether it's money or even attention.

The whole things sucks for us because we end up feeling the way we do... and here within the last week, she has moved out of the house that she has been sharing with her husband of about 4 yrs and they have a baby together. And believe me, she has mentioned the fact that she is moving out and will be alone and "single" again to my DH. Oh yeah, she's testing him to see if he'll leave me now that she's available.

But I can honestly say after observing this whole thing for a few years now... my DH has NO, ZERO, ZIP, ZILCH feelings for her and is only nice to her for the sake of the kid and not having to pay out more CS. And I know that he is definitely not going to leave me for her. She got pregnant... they got married and were only together for about 2 years. My DH thought that she cheated on him but could never prove it. Well, guess what broke up her new marriage... yep, cheating. She cheated on the new husband then it's rumored that he cheated on her in revenge. You know what the funniest part is though? She actually told my DH that she's leaving him (the new husband) because she's was allowed to cheat on him but he was not allowed to do the same to her. Are you kidding??? Can you believe people actually think that way?

To that end... I wouldn't worry. Let's face it... family court's crazy ways ensure that our DH's are nice to exes. Once the 12 year old has either come to live with you full time or hits 18, you'll see the niceness go away.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 7:33am

I agree with you hornet 64. When DH is on the phone with BM ( or I should say when he 'used' to be on the phone) I'd make faces at him like 'pass me a bucket!'. The kids made 18 and he wouldn't even look the side of the street she is on! When I did get upset, and I did at first, DH would say he was just pleased that SHE did not know this. I agree, or she'd press issues still harder.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 7:30pm

hmmmm....not in your situation....good luck. I quickly told DH no more being nice to that witch who has caused so much stress in our lives...if you do talk to that nasty woman, it's over. Last time the witch called was to let my DH know that her daughter might be a lesbian like "the lesbians in his family..." his response? I'd rather she be a lesbian than a slut ND PREGNANT AT 15... LOL LIKE IN YOUR family...sure enough...a yr later skid is not a lesbin but a slut and prego at 16 just like BM's family... lol

Godfirst84's picture

Submitted by Godfirst84 on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:33am

Thanks for comments. This helps reassure me. He swears he has no feelings for his ex and ur point is valid. He has to be nice because of the youngest. Calms my fears Smile