This is super long…skip it if you don’t like stupid novels…I really just needed to vent.
And if you are brave enough to even read this. Thank you and sorry again for being super long.

So SO and I literally only fight about one thing but its huge for me and this is really ending it for me...us.

I don't know if there is a name for it but what comes to mind is - Parental Favoritism, Bipolar Parenting Disorder, Contradiction Addiction.

SS7 is never disciplined, rarely scolded or corrected, he's treated like a helpless baby, the excuses for his behavior is endless.
SO however scolds and disciplines our BS3, its not always, but its often enough to notice the difference. Sometimes it is completely valid. Cuz I don't spoil any of my bios. They are appropriately corrected and disciplined. But sometimes he just has ridiculous expectations of a 3 year old. Many rules that SS7 never had to abide by until he was 5 and even then it was very few expectations of him (feed yourself, that's all I could think of right now and I’m serious, SO was literally spoon feeding him until he was 5). Like say our BS3 might be crying cuz he didn't get something, and even after I tell BS3 nope sorry kiddo can't have that and if he cries so be it I ignore it, let him get it out, but SO will jump in and scold him stop crying. And of course BS3 doesn't stop and most times seems to cry harder or louder, and SO will keep telling him I said stop crying, your a big boy, you can't get whatever you want yada yada yada. And I'll say enough already, you told him once to stop, he didn't stop just ignore the tantrum (this always works for me). And he'll say well he has to understand he can't cry to get whatever he wants. And I'll say, he's not getting whatever he wants, is he? and so what if he's crying, big deal 3 year olds cry when they are upset but your sitting there like arguing with a 3 year old, you sound like a jackass. And I'll throw in when did you ever tell the Princess stop crying or even NO, never, cuz you were too busy saying "what do you want baby, daddy get it for you, anything for you baby"...carrying him until he was 6 years old. He started telling BS3 about half a year ago, no carry, you need to walk, you're a big boy.

SO tries to be slick though, like he won't really scold or correct BS3 when SS7 is around, I think because he knows its obvious. Sometimes though SO will act like he's correcting the Princess like don't do that cuz BS might see you and then he’s gonna do it too...and I'll say does that even matter, he's not supposed to do that regardless. Or if SO realizes that I just saw SS7 doing something that SO scolded BS3 about recently, sometimes he'll act like he's correcting him too but its like he's correcting but he's trying not to sound mean kind of a tone, don't do that cuz this this and this and then someone might get hurt, ok? And it'll get me yelling at him "uh uh, you yell at him the way you yelled at BS3 for doing that! You can't can you? Cuz you don't want to hurt his feelings, you don't want to make him cry? Do you ever think about that when you yell at BS!" Or if SO doesn't say anything at all I'll yell at him, " its ok for a 7 YO to do that but not a 3 YO?!"

Is that NOT the dumbest shit you ever heard.
But then SS7 will finally go home to Disney Mom. And SO and I are back to normal again…sort of.

I used to think that this won't be fixed over night, like this will never be Step Heaven but it needs time. I just needed to be patient.
But I don't think this relationship is worth it anymore.

I've been trying to weigh the pros and cons of our relationship. The top of my Pros was that we both really deeply loved each other, he's generally a great guy, generous, caring, hard working. But the love I had for him is gone...what I feel now is that should he die suddenly, I'm pretty sure I would be sad. Like he went out of town for business yesterday morning for the rest of the week and as we're saying our "see you's", he says I'll miss you, I said don't worry Friday will be here before you know it. Then he asks well aren't you going to miss me too. I told him well its good to spend some time apart. And actually I don't miss him and I'm sad that its already Tuesday.

Its just so hard. I've been trying to stay positive. Trying to be patient, but as you can see, I've really been losing it lately. Yelling at him and in front of SS (and that's bad, I absolutely hate myself for fighting in front of any kids)...AND yelling at them both, why is HE so special, why is HE not judged and scolded and disciplined like everybody else, why is our own son not good enough to be spoiled and doted on, and coddled, and treated like a baby, at what age are you going to make SS7 act his AGE? I feel like I’m a child having a major tantrum...it's not fair, you like him better, you’re mean, I hate you, I wish he (SS7) was never born!!!

I've even tried strategies to help us cuz I was really hopeful about this working out. Some have been working with the Princess, he is minding me more, knows my "Death Stare" (as my bios call it) when he's doing something naughty I do the look and if he sees me, he usually stops, he's not being so rude all the time, in general he's learning to not be a complete jerk. But he is also smart he knows Daddy lets him get away with anything, I know when I'm not in the room, he is wreaking havoc, and even if I'm in the room he is often testing his limits, daddy will give an excuse for him, Oh my Precious didn't know, oh I didn't see the Princess doing that... My older kids have even told me that I shouldn't leave BS3 alone with those two, because they are worried BS will be neglected, ignored, grow up with a complex, and might even get himself hurt since SO is always preoccupied with the Princess. Cuz if you didn’t know, the Princess is just a wittle tiny baby and he can’t let him out of his sight…

I’ve talked to one of my sisters who owns a large preschool (married, has 3 bio sons and 1 step daughter full-time), she said at first that it might be guilty dad/single dad syndrome (her amazing hubby didn’t have this, he expected the same out of all of them, all the kids were disciplined), then my sister visited from out of state and stayed with me for two weeks last year. After seeing that I was not exaggerating, she said she was baffled.
I talked to my other sister a child psychologist or psychiatrist (long term relationship, no kids)…she tried to psycho-analyze this shit and gave excuses for SO!! She asked me what I was doing to HELP the situation instead of yelling… granted yes I’m a bitch and I do yell when I get mad but she should know of all people it takes a lot to get me to that point, I’m generally so damn understanding and patient, shit will happen over and over before I really let you have it (this is definitely my biggest fault). I helped put that free-loading moocher through school…didn’t ask for a dime for rent, I told her to give what and when she could, and I had to clean after her messy ass. A slob and she was at the time what 28…what an ungrateful bitch.
Then I also talked to my other sister, financial aid counselor (married, 6 bio kids, no steps), she told me to pray to God because she has no clue what’s wrong with him. All her kids are disciplined as well.
No sense in talking to my brothers (both have 2 bio kids each, no steps) they both love my SO, he’s a mans man…

I know I probably have the answer to my own dilemma. This crap is over, its been over. I don't think I even love him anymore. I just look at him sometimes and I'm disgusted. He is not a real man. How could a parent treat two children completely different. One is treated with utmost patience, always overly concerned for him (he got a scratch at school OMG, he doesn't want to sleep in his room alone OMdoubleG), no discipline or consequences, no real rules to follow, rarely hears no. Even though SS is mean, talks back, whines and cries, daddy still even now has to lay in bed with him until he falls asleep cuz SS just wants him to, had a BABY MONITOR in his room until almost 6 in case the poor baby woke up in the middle of the night, one time restarted my laundry when it was at rinse and spin left, SO said he just wanted to push the button (example of can’t say no to the Precious Little Princess) we’re in a drought you jackass!, still takes a shower with him cuz he’s scared to be by his poor little self so I guess they are saving water here, last week held a tissue to his nose and helped him blow his nose, really, catch the snot of a 7 year old... And a billion other examples to boot.

And I know I could leave, I have savings, about $80k, not enough to buy a house but enough to get me out of here in a rental. I’m in Northern California, technically I could leave the state and buy a house in the country for cheap. But this is where most of my family is…and my job. I’m embarrassed to say, I have no degree, I got really lucky with this job, got it 15 years ago and moved up via hard work, people in my company are required to have a BS or higher, even entry level, like mail room, file clerk, data entry, etc. I’m afraid I couldn’t get a job anywhere else.

The biggest thing stopping me is if I leave, we would have to share custody I guess? That worries me. I don't think him being a jackass is enough for me to file for full custody or request supervised visits.
If I'm here then I can keep things in check I guess. I’m probably the biggest idiot here for staying.