My partner finally stepped up
My partner's son refuses to do chores unless he is paid. If he is asked to do a chore he starts bargaining as to how much he needs to be paid. We were making dinner last night. His dad asked him to help him tidy the kitchen afterward. He tidied his area and wanted his dad and I to give him a pound each for him to tidy up for our area. I told him that I should charge him for his dinner then. He said very smartly, that we had to feed him but he didn't have to clean up after us. My partner then gives him a bit of a talk about how we all do tasks for the family and so on. He tells my partner that he does have to do chores for free at our house because this isn't his house and I am not his family. He even rudely offered my partner a 50p "family discount" to clean up his area.
My partner punished him and took his iPad away. Now his son gives him the silent treatment. This kid proper packed up his stuff and sat at the door silently waiting until 7:40 for us to leave and drop him off. My partner did a good job of not giving him attention for his bad attitude.
Then we drop his son home, my partner tries to get his son to apologise to us. His son refused and my partner said how disappointed he was that we all could not have had a better even and gives him back his iPad. This was the first time my partner didn't just apologise to his son and give in. I was so proud of him for sticking to it.
This evening my partner gets a call from his son's mum. She is all upset that she had to finish up his homework after he arrived home because my partner did not ensure it was done. How it is inconvenient to her time and schedule blah blah blah. My partner did ask by the way if he had any to finish but that was whilst we were being ignored. My partner explains that he punished their son and how his son gave us the silent treatment. Well his son's mum insisted that his homework must come before chores because he still has prep work to do for the independent schools his mum wants him to sit entrance for.
His son is a smart kid but all his mum cares about is his academics and school prestige. I know that his mum has a commission system with him that he is paid for chores so there is a different system in both household. But his mum didn't even acknowledge how he treated his dad. She was more upset about the homework not being done than how rude their son was.
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Comments
Your partner did well
What smart alec remarks that boy made! Your partner did well! I hope he keeps acting like a real dad. You don't say how old the boy is, I'm guessing early teens or later. And, if BM wants to prioritize academic achievement over decent manners, there is nothing you can do. But he is certainly old enough to understand that different rules apply at your house. Good luck!
Keep the iPad longer...
I am old school and too old to put up with crap like what your SS is doing. Your DH is doing a great job and needs to stay firm with taking away the iPad. I would let the little shit know that the longer the silent treatment is given the longer he will be without the iPad, he is being very disrespectful by not answer an adult, especially his father. When he comes back over and continues to act like a little brat, take the door off of his sleeping area.
I wish he could take it away
I wish he could take it away longer but his son does have school stuff and prep work for an entrance exam to independent school to do.
His son is very disrespectful when he doesn't get his way. I am also starting to think it may be he has a low emotional intelligence because he can say the most insensitive things without hesitation.
Bm has absolutely no say in
Bm has absolutely no say in what is prioritized in your home. Maybe if she's sufficiently inconvenienced, she'll start to think about how to avoid being inconvenienced and expect less rudeness and more consideration from her son on her time.
How old is this kid?
How old is this kid?
We don't believe in allowance for basic chores. To us that is just being a member of a family and household. Everyone pitches in to keep the house tidy.
Now, if they are doing something beyond the basics- Pulling weeds, raking leaves, deep cleaning stuff (baseboards, windows, etc) that will earn extra spending money. But dishes, their rooms, their laundry, running the vacuum? That is what is just expected of them.
Oh boy, I would never have
Oh boy, I would never have dared speak to my parents that way!
Growing up, we had chores to do and that was that. We weren't paid to do them, it was expected that everyone in the family pitched in and did their share.
Times have changed I guess, but your SS is being very cheeky demanding money for basic stuff like dishes and clearing up! I agree if it was a particular one off task like putting away a load of firewood, or clearing out a garage, then you might pay him. But NOT for everyday tasks!