If you're not leaving him anything, I'm not sure why he would be obligated to leave you something? I understand you feel you've supported him enough, but isn't that spouses do? If we start keeping count of who did what and when, I just don't think anything good comes from it. I completely acknowledge that I know nothing of your personal situation, so I apologize if my comments seem out of line.

As for me, 70% goes to DH, and 10% goes to my sister and her two kids, each. His kids are not in my will, nor do I ever plan to add them. In his will, 40% goes to each of his kids in a trust fund until they reach the age of 25; 20% comes to me. I don't have any bios now, but if I do someday, than I expect we'd be making some will adjustments.

We are working out our wills right now. Haven't finalized them yet. SO has one DD who is 13 the rest of his bios and one SD are all over 18. My bios are all over 18. SO's life insurance has me as the sole beneficiary with a stipulation in the will that I continue to pay CS to BM for SD until she reaches 18 if he dies while she is still a minor. Makes me ill :sick: but her BM is a POS and doesn't work so this is SO's only hope of his kid having a roof over her head if something happens to him while she is still a minor.

If I die my bios and SO are all equal beneficiaries. He didn't include his adult kids as beneficiaries on his policy.

In our case everything (what meager amount there is) is left to the surviving spouse. DH has a separate life insurance policy that will fulfill his CS obligation to SD (will be cancelled as of her 21st birthday), and that's it for her. BM gets a fat goose egg, zip, zero, nada.

In the event we perish together, all of our possessions, life insurance policies, and 401k accounts will go into a trust for our two minor DD's. They will receive a monthly stipend for education and living expenses until it is paid out in entirety when they each reach age 25. We have designated a professional fiduciary firm to handle the funds....it gets WAY too messy when a family member or friend is appointed to handle asset management as the estate executor. I would NEVER recommend putting someone that is held to a very loose standard by the courts in a position to decide unilaterally how the money is allocated/handled. In addition, I have rarely seen someone be appointed to an executor position in a family that hasn't been ultimately skewered by the rest of the family and friends of the decedent.

I worked for almost ten years in an estate management firm as an account executive/forensic accountant. My findings were subpoenaed often, and I testified as an expert witness at dozens of hearings as to the financial mismanagement of the personal and estate assets of mostly elderly and incapacitated clients. However, there were MANY orphaned, minor children that had all of the provisions their parents left for them (through life insurance and other assets) plundered and squandered away by irresponsible and shady executors. Seeing firsthand children and elderly being left destitute by opportunistic douchebags changed my entire view on how to set up my own will. There must be safeguards in place to protect the interests of the beneficiaries, as well as to hold the executor accountable.

Greed transcends gender, race, background, and religious affiliation....and the victims of financial abuse suffer greatly because of it. Don't assume that just because someone is "family" that they won't mishandle assets, and the same can be said about that same person being villianized by other family members. It's just better for EVERYONE to appoint a firm/individual fiduciary that is closely supervised by the courts, that can remain completely neutral in situations that are notorious for being very emotionally charged, and will be legally forced into complete transparency.

We've got about six figures in savings and assets, and for that, it all goes to the other. Life insurance, 100% of his goes to me, half of mine goes to him and half goes to my mom, who has nothing. DH's mom has assets, so doesn't need his life insurance, and DH knows that I am a MUCH better executor of his wishes (monetarily) with regards to SD16 than BM. BM has outright stolen from SD16, and wouldn't know a sound financial decision if it punched her in the face, so... yeah.

The only thing we need to get straight is if we both die at once (say, car accident) Between assets and life insurance, that's a million dollars; 1/4 to my mom, the rest to SD16. I want to ask my favorite SIL (the only one of DH's sisters who hasn't made a hash of her life and has her OWN well-stocked retirement plan) to be the executor of a trust for SD16.

The main issue in your post is that you take care of your DH now and so if he passes first you'd like to be shown gratitude on top of your expectation that he care for his wife. I think you should scale back what you do for him financial and invest that difference. It's NEVER gonna be fair to a stepparent unless the bio parent is independently wealthy. Never EVER.

This makes me think of the Harry Potter movie after Dumbledore dies. I'm seriously thinking of running out and buying a guide to manners and a plaque of the golden rule. That way I can write this into my will:

To SD19, I leave my copy of the guide to manners and the golden rule, in the hopes that she find them educational and informative and that she can read them and GROW THE HELL UP!

OK, better now (a bit).