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I'm a stepmom :(

HappiestWhenTheyAreGone's picture

Submitted by HappiestWhenThe... on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:47pm

This is my first blog ever. I'm 28 years old and I can't believe that I am a stepmom. I always took care of myself and promised myself that I wouldn't have children at a young age. I always strived for more and I didn't want a child holding me back from my goals. Also, my family is very traditional so having a child before marriage is looked down upon. A year after getting out of a traumatic relationship I met this very sweet guy... It took quite sometime before I accepted him as a boyfriend but when I did, life felt wonderful again! He was the complete opposite of what I would even want in a man but it felt so right. His type is known for having children at a young age so I went ahead and asked... I was right... he did! He said that his ex didn't want him in the life of the children. Before he met me he told me he tried to fix things with her but she ended up taking EVERYTHING he had including his children. We dated... Became engaged... Then we got married! Life was a bit rough in the beginning since I never lived with anyone except for my parents. 9 months passed and all of a sudden his children show up at my sister-in-law's house. For a day I did nothing but cry because it felt like my life of happiness was over. My love for my husband is so deep and I had been used to it being just the two of us. The idea of him having children felt like a myth. I convinced myself that they really didn't exist. Now, I daydream about that Saturday morning before I knew that they showed up. I keep hoping that I can get it back. ;( goodnight

Comments

Dee015's picture

Submitted by Dee015 on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:14am

Hey don't worry too much about it,it will amke you sick,instead try and seek help in dealing with the issue at hand,i mean u did know that the kids existed right? And they will always be there,instead of wishing u never met them,try finding a way to acknowledge their presence and possibly moving forward with your husband,but you need to sit yo man down and talk openly about your feelings,believe me being a stepmom is no bed of roses,i have 4 stepkids and since joining this site ,i have learned to not let them be the no.1 factor in my life,they are here to stay but so am I andif they have a problem accepting me,then its their problem not mine!

sweetbabycake's picture

Submitted by sweetbabycake on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 6:45am

I am assuming they are living with you all now? Or are they living with SIL? I know what a shock that must have been. You thought you never had to worry about it, beings the BM didn't want your DH in the kids lives. I feel for you. My Skids don't live with us full time. We get them every 1st and 3rd weekend of the month and every wed. You honestly just have to try to find a way to accept it. Try to look at it from a different perspective, as hard as that may be. If you want to be with your husband, you need to try your best to make the best of the situation. Come here for advice...Keep your head up. The way I always look at things is, it will either work out or it won't. I can't stress about the not working out. It is what it is....

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 6:59am

Well.. you know.. the two sides to every story. For all you know, he might have left his children and refused to have anything to do with them but blaming their mother puts him in a better light.

Your fantasy is over and it's about time. It will never go back and honestly, you need to know what kind of man you actually married. During all this time he has spent with you, was he paying child support? Did he attempt any sort of contact with his children?

Then you have to ask yourself... what kind of man does that?

You have planned your life out a certain way - childless. He tried to make you believe that's what he was but he wasn't and he's not. He's fed your fantasy for 9+ months now but reality is a cold slap in the face.

You are quite justified to end the marriage. He has children and he has responsibilities to them, and if he is not, at minimum, paying child support or otherwise financially providing for and caring for his children, is that really the kind of person you want to be mixed up with?

You don't have to go from guy to guy. You were in a traumatic relationship. You knew this guy was opposite of everything for you yet you dated and married him anyway - and here you are again with drama/trauma.

Maybe some counseling would help you figure out why you keep ending up in traumatic relationships. That needs to be your focus and let your husband figure out his kids.