I have to say that I would feel the same way. However, I am on his side of the fence because I do buy certain things for BD10 even though I pay child support. But at the same time, I am a very "smart" shopper. I do my best to plan ahead and get things on clearance for the next year, shop at goodwill, etc. I also have a BS7 who lives with DH and I full time and get CS for since his father hasn't seen him in over 3 years. The CS that I get is a drop in a bucket compared to what it takes to get BS7 everything that he needs.

One thing that DH and I have done and are doing is living within our means. We pay with cash 85% of the time for everything. If we don't have the cash, we don't buy clothes, school supplies, groceries, etc. Planning is crucial when it comes to this. We have explained this to the kids so they can "understand" when we say that we don't have money for that right now. And hopefully, it will set a good example for when they are adults.

I know how frustrating it is! When I met DH, he had to buy everything name brand and brand new. I have changed that. I hope that you and DH can sit down and talk about things so you are both on the same page.

I recently had a chat with my DH about this as well. I would hate for them to go to school looking homeless but he is right. She won't buy them crap and send them to school in clothes several sizes too small and completely faded if we don't buy them anything. I've started keeping track of all of our extra kid expenses though so that maybe some time in the future we can use it to lower his CS. She gets a ridiculous amount of money for her to just do absolutely nothing for them. I wish in TX we could get an itemization of how the money was being spent.

I do feel the same way. My SD gets so much from us and her BM and my children get hand me downs and have to not get some of the things they want because we are putting out so much money on the SC.

My DH used to do this as well. It was REALLY bad before and has gotten WAY better. I think the breaking point was when I completely FLIPPED out on him. Screams, tears and all. I basically told him that I was DONE having to support OUR ENTIRE HOME & FAMILY because HIS paycheck went to support HIS BABY MOMMA. I told him I would rather be alone and file for divorce than to have him spend every extra cent he earned on his BM & kids. I think that scared him. I told him that it was NOT our responsibility that his kids didn't have coats or school supplies and that NO COURT on this earth would tell him that he had to pay for that stuff because he already paid his fair share of CS. I also told him that BM would NEVER learn how make do with the CS she received because she knew that he would always take care of the kids needs on TOP of the $$ that he paid her every month. Eventually, it became easier and easier for him to simply say NO. I also insisted that ANYTIME that he gave her an extra dollar for whatever it was, I wanted a receipt. Just this month we ended up buying SD's school uniforms because BM didn't have any money. I agreed to let him buy them because he's been really good about not paying for extra stuff. But this is as much as I'll let him do. What your DH needs to understand is that BM is simply taking advantage of him because she uses the kids as pawns. Put your foot down and don't let this one go.

"We get them a hair cut every month - that's covered, my husband says that if we don't get them a hair cut BM isn't going to spend money on getting them one."

BM is the same way... I mean come on. All that money you get, you can't take $20 of it every month and get YOUR two kid's hair cuts??? But she sure as shit can buy cigarettes with the money, right?

I am actually a hair stylist... And I refuse to cut their hair. Just to prove a point. I have cut their hair two times at my home and twice where I work (because DH brought them in while I was working and the other time they had to get it cut for our wedding.) The first time I cut it at our home, the youngest came over a couple of months later and said to me, "Our mom said you need to cut our hair." I said, "Oh did she? Well you can tell her she can take you to get it cut herself." I'll be fucking damned if that woman thinks she can tell ME what to do. Just because I do hair and I'm married to their father doesn't mean I am their/her personal hair stylist. Screw that. I had DH text her and tell her it was not my responsibility to cut their hair.

The second time I did it at our house is because I surprisingly had a burst of kindness for some reason. And offered. I think it was because DH was finally starting to listen to me and properly parenting his kids. So I was trying to return the favor by doing something for him/them. This was in maybe March or April. It has been growing ever since with no cut. They just came over a few days ago with buzz's... She takes them to her sister's house and has her buzz their hair. And it looks like complete shit. Hairline all crooked, sideburns uneven, little stray hairs sticking out everywhere. But whatever. Not my problem.

My FH does the very same thing. He pays ridiculous amounts of both child and spousal support because he worked hard and made good money. However, BM refuses to spend it on the skids. Now that back-to-school is coming I know that they will be coming to him for school clothes as she will not buy them. He will spend tons of money regardless of what I say on top quality brand name clothes that they will throw in a corner after wearing once or twice. It infuriates me.

His rationale is that BM will refuse to buy them clothes and they will look terrible. BS! If he refuses she will eventually be worn down by the skids complaining and will buy them herself. They are unbelievably good at whining and bitching - they were taught by her! No way will those kids settle for less than the best but SHE can damn well pay for them this year.