I Just Don't Know...
SD13 told us this weekend that she wants to go back and live with BM next school year. BM remarried and SF has a criminal record. SF has two felony convictions for Domestic Violence with Child. Meaning that there was violence to or in front of his children. He has a no contact order against him. Neither he nor a member of his family can come within 1000 feet of his ex wife or their children. We have requested copies of the police reports to show her. BM told SD13 that SF has had legal issues but it was because his ex wife lied just to get him in trouble. Now the rest of the intelligent public would know that is a bunch of crap, especially since there are TWO felony convictions at different dates. But SD13 believes her mom. Our reason for telling SD13 is that we want her to be aware of what this man is capable of. She is blinded by how nice SF is, and how much fun he can be. BF and I believe this to be just a honeymoon phase and do believe that SF will repeat his actions. The battle is about to begin with BM. She doesn't know that we know this information. She will be upset that we told SD13. I know that BM will twist it and turn it against us. I'm not looking forward to the can of worms we just opened. Was there a better way we could have handled it? Were we correct in telling her this information? Also, I have the ex wifes contact information, should I contact her and ask her about it?
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yes
Yes, you were correct in telling the 13yo that she wants to move in a child abuser. The man has been convicted 2 times for abusing children so I would say he is guilty regardless of the lies they tell to justify those actions. When a person is convicted their criminal information is public knowledge so there isnt a reason to hide it. If he has a no contact order the judge would never allow her to live there anyway. If SD has any questions show her the document of proof.
If she thinks the grass is
If she thinks the grass is greener on the other side then just let her go. I am sure if she see's SF's temper with or without violence then maybe she will step back and see the bigger picture and who was right. I do believe that by telling her about his felony charges was a smart move but I just hope you can get the paperwork to back it up. I would say try and contact the ex wife and ask her what happened, explain that your SD wants to live with BM and SF and you just have your doubts about it. I wouldn't say anything about knowing he has 2 felony charges, but I would ask her if he does! And maybe even ask if she could get copies of the police report for you. I don't think you were in the wrong at all. She needed to know what was going on and that's the bottom line. But document everything and the first sign of a bruise or anything suspicious should be photographed and documented as well as closely looked into. Good luck.
We can get the paperwork,
We can get the paperwork, it's public record. I even have SF's divorce decree, which is also public record. We did request the police reports, and the request is being processed. Hopefully we should have those documents in a few days.
My main concern about contacting the ex wife is that she won't want to talk to me and she will contact SF and tell him that we contacted her. I know that would violate the no contact order, but I know people who do that. I know I would be leary of some stranger contacting me and wanting information about an ex husband.
happygolucky
If you don't already have the docs this would be a good place to run a search.
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
Also ussearch has a site where you can run it for the criminal background.
The child will not be making the decisions about where she is going to live especially in this case. I would tell SD if she has any idealist illusions about living with the abusive SF that if she moved in you would contact the cops and have him locked up. He cannot live with a child and he is violating his parole.
Background check
Oh, I've run a background check. I've got information about every speeding ticket he has ever had. I have a good friend who is a cop. SF has recently had his license suspended, yet he drove BM and SD13 to the airport.
The no contact order is for SF's own two children from a previous marriage. Unfortunately it doesn't apply to SD13. I almost wish it would, so we wouldn't be going through this nightmare right now.
BM
I believe that BM will support her husband before she'd support SD13. As sad as that is to say. We have documentation of BM calling SD13 a pain in the ass, saying that she wishes she was never born, complaining how she hates to take care of SD13. BM's own mother (SD13's grandma) printed out and mailed us hundreds of pages of chat between BM and a former boyfriend. Whenever BM has a man in her life SD13 is ignored. We don't want to show SD13 the printed chat between BM and former boyfriend, it would crush her. We do try to limit her exposure to the negativity as much as possible.
You're right, SF can't come within 1000 feet of his own children and his ex wife. He hasn't seen his own children in years, and has no desire to. That is probably best for his children not to have ANY contact with that loser.