Why do they dump on you?
This has little to do with being a step-parent. It's more about douche canoe husbands but I need to vent. So here it goes!
After the recommendations from the psychiatrist that we saw on Friday for SS 7's potential ADHD, I being the person that I am got right on the ball. Shrink recommended for all parents, bio and step, to read and follow the principles in 1-2-3 Magic. I've used it before and know that it's a good program. DH preened all over that his "side" scored a point in the meeting. BM wouldn't know a book even if you hit her upside the head with it. I downloaded the book and started reading that night.
I also downloaded the book onto my iPad so DH could read while I was reading it on my kindle. I have finished the important chapters that the shrink recommended. DH hasn't started.
Tonight I ask when him when he's going to start reading the book. He said when you are done. I said that I loaded it onto the iPad so he didn't have to wait for me. I received a nasty response that he didn't have to jump right to it just because I said so. WTF? I don't care when he starts the book. It not like he and BM have ever been on the fast track to doing what's best for their son.
I asked why he was so snotty to me? I received a vague response about how I'm so cold and I'm trying to end our marriage. Really? Over a damn book? Granted things haven't been great for the last several months due to all the drama that comes with his 3 ring circus. But ending a marriage over a book? Pretty damn stupid if you ask me! He chose to sleep in the other room. I didn't ask him to leave. But I'm certainly not going to go chasing after him.
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Comments
Thank you! That made me feel
Thank you! That made me feel so much better! I immediately switched back to my murder and mayhem fictional book.
what the f*ck is with these
what the f*ck is with these men??? sounds like something my DH Would do...
Well the petty side of me
Well the petty side of me will enjoy saying at the parent/teacher meeting next week that I am on top of the game (we are suppose to discuss how to use the principles in the book in the school setting). DH and BM and her husband won't have a freaking clue! LOL
The best thing you can do is
The best thing you can do is to let DH fall flat on his face in this situation it is the only way he will learn to step up and parent his damn kid!
And YES wtf is up with these men??!! I swear they are turning into what they say we women are and how we women "supposedly" act!!!
You are working harder on
You are working harder on parenting his son and dealing with his issues than DH is, so stop. If he can't be bothered to read the book, let alone apply the recommendations, then there is little point in your doing so because a. You can't be effective without support from the bioparent, and b. The more you do the more you enable DH to remain apathetic. Or he may just be a less get up and go motivated person than you and will get round to it in his own time, in which case you may need to back off and let him do it in his own time. Either way you cannot drive or nag him into being a better parent than he wants to be. And in fact the more you put yourself in the foreground over issues with SS the more he can distract himself from dealing with SS by being annoyed at you.
You remind me of me 3 years ago. I was highly motivated and focussed on helping SDthen15 with her issues and addressing her behaviour, I read the books, arranged the counselling, worked on my relationship with her, but DH just didn't have the same level of motivation or attention. What happened to me was that I nearly had a breakdown trying to win parent of the year, I got stressed and resentful and angry, SD just got worse because it was her parents intervention she really needed, and my marriage almost collapsed. So I say this with love, this is not a competition for best parent, you cannot win the 'best parent who read the book quickest and tries hardest award' because you are not the parent. DH has to do it, and if he won't that's a shame for SS and for DH but you cannot and shouldn't have to compensate. Aim to be supporting when asked, not driving the process.
DH and BM both spend more
DH and BM both spend more time trying to get at each other than raising their son. I sit and watch and shake my head and feel sorry for the little guy. But you are correct. I can't be a bioparent. It has already caused me grief because DH wants my help on the one hand but if I do it the way I would do it and not his way then he gets mad or resentful. I've been working really hard in the last 6 months to be disengaged but it is hard. DH has stepped up where I've backed out - showers, bedtime stories, etc. SS7 definitely has problems but honestly I think a lot of them stem for mom and dad, not ADHD, oppositional defiant, etc. I would like to send DH and assinine BM to counseling or parenting classes and let SS7 be a normal little boy. It's so sad to watch.