Good lord, the smell
We went for a while without the stench. SS13 got in the car, no overwhelming scent of cat/dog/cat pee/who knows.
Today we picked him up and I swear, my eyes watered. DH is congested, so he had no reaction. Usually SS goes straight upstairs. Not today. Today he didn't eat lunch first so he ate with us in the living room then hung around to watch tv. Now I'm going to have to fumigate the damned couch.
I had to point it out to DH and told him, look, he needs to shower. He has yet to tell him. I'm sure because SS is actually wanting to be around him and he doesn't want to ruin it. All very well for him. His nose and eyes weren't burning.
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My SD used to smell like
My SD used to smell like stale cigarette smoke when she she came over. It was bad, her clothes, her hair, her coat. DH would make her shower as soon as she got here.
YOU TELL HIM!! Its your home.
No more tolerance of this stanking shit.
None.
When he gets in the car stinky, hose him off with a can of Lysol spray.
As soon as you get to the house he immediately goes to the shower and uses antibacterial body wash and shampoo. Daddy stands at the bathroom door and smells him when he is done.
Clothes immediately go in a trash bag which is sealed. He then puts on confirmed freshly laundered clean clothes.
Later.... rinse... repeat.
You have to grow the balls to deal with this because daddy won't.
ZERO TOLERANCE!!!!!
I feel it for you. After the odour of my partner's eldest
son who is permanently BANNED from my home, his daughter who still stinks but rarely comes around and to her 14 year old daughter who I call Stinky, I surely feel it for you....
Thank goodness the daughter and granddaughter rarely come but boy after they leave, the house reeks of their stench.
I do not mention the bad odour to them as they MUST have been told by others. ...
I would say something
I would say something directly to all of them. Repeatedly.
To Rags
I dropped such heavy hints about the odour and they Knew the hints were directed at them but they ignored the hints.
I disengaged......
Unfortunately subtle hints,
Unfortunately subtle hints, or even strong hints, rarely work with those so willfully delustional and hell bent on avoiding solving a problem that they can ignore stench that is impossible for them to not smell.
So, take a zero tolerance immediate confrontation stance... and stop torturing yourself with disengagement.
IMHO of course.
You may have to just be blunt
You may have to just be blunt and tell ss yourself to take a shower upon entering the house & at least once daily thereafter
Heck while you're at it, let him know that is a new expectation so it will be no surprise when you tell him "go take a shower now" as soon as he sets his pinky toe across the threshold of your home
at this point it's beyond trying to spare his feelings by saying nothing and waiting for oblivious dad to say something. Aside from congestion, I'd say dad is not oblivious he just scared of his son.
What he fails to realize is he's actually hurting him more by not saying anything because who wants to befriend, spend time with, (if this isn't corrected now then when he becomes an adult) partner up and marry someone who has offensive body odor
If you don't tell him someone else will and they might not be so nice about it
Plus you shouldnt have to walk on eggshells and be uncomfortable in your own home because dad seems incapable of correcting the issue and ss doesn't smell his own stench.
Agreed with all of you. It
Agreed with all of you. It does him no favors. I hate that he probably goes to school smelling that way every other week.
The thing is, it isn't body odor. It's BM's house. It absolutely reeks thanks to the pets. I don't know what she's doing or not doing, but it permeates everything. We no longer allow blankets, pillows or stuffed things to go back and forth. Yesterday, SS brought a couple of sacks with clothes that he was bringing back over. DH said he was going to wash them and SS said BM already did. DH said he was washing them again.
DH is highly allergic to cats, so is normally super-sensitive to it.
Anyway, I kind of feel for SS on this one. He doesn't have control over how BM's house smells and that kind of stench sinks into everything. He could take a shower right before walking out the door, but his clothes will still stink.
That was my SD's problem,
That was my SD's problem, cigarette smell from BM's house.
My DH did the same thing as your DH, washed all clothes that came into our house, even though SD said they were clean.
As soon as SS sat on the
As soon as SS sat on the couch, "You are more than welcome to watch TV & sit on the couch, but I'm going to need you to shower first."
At the very least, if SS doesn't "want" to shower, he can at least remove himself from the common areas.
Pet dander gets EVERYWHERE. If not for the smell, atleast for DHs allergies.
I would just start having SS
I would just start having SS throw his stuff in the laundry as soon as he gets to your house and have him shower and put on fresh clothes. My brother's best friend had horrible foot order when we were growing up. My parents would make him take his shoes off outside and then my mom would have him clean his feet and she would give him stuff to help with the smell. His parents knew his feet stank and were always so apologetic because they were doing everything they could as well. The guy knew his feet stank and didn't seem to take it personally. Maybe your DH is the one being overly sensitive about this, and SS would actually be okay with it if you were honest with him.
So gross
We dealt with this with SD14, but it was all BO and female-smell related. We talked to her kindly. Gently explained. We didn't want to embarrass her, but this was the kind of thing that people at school would be able to smell and a prime opportunity for kids to be mean. DH could easily smell it himself. She just didn't care and didn't want to shower, but at the end of the convo she had to shower no matter what. It was so continuous though, and such a constant struggle that DH finally had to YELL at her and tell her she was showering every day, no ifs ands or buts. She sure as shit showers now.
If you can't get your DH on board, I would probably tell SS myself.