What is your 'routine' with SKids?
Typically we have SD6 one day a week after school. If school is closed that day (vacation, holiday, etc) we have her from early morning until typical drop off. DH tries to leave work early to pick her up or has to be there by 7am or I take her the night before, spend time with games, making dinner, and putting her to bed.
Normally, I have fun with it. It's 'our' time. But tonight has been MUCH different than any other night. It started that she had dinner before she came over (that's fine by me) and she wanted to call DH to stay up until he got home. Well DH told her it's bedtime as usual (which I had to hear the hissy fit). And the actual fight to go to bed, AND the sneaking out of her room to stand in the dark hallway and watch what I was watching. Maybe it is the age, maybe I am a pushover (if you read my last blog, I have a feeling it is the pushover part).
Do you take SKids that do not live with you when DH isn't around? If you do, how do you handle these situations? If you don't - how do you tell DH you don't want to watch them while he is not around?
I felt that this was helping him out (not having to drive early tomorrow morning) but here I am so twisted, 20 weeks pregnant, tired, cranky, dealing with this attitude, walking the puppy in the pouring rain that SD HAD TO HAVE that she hates and refuses to play with....that I almost feel bad for what DH is walking into with me tonight..
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HOH, I did tell my dh that I
HOH, I did tell my dh that I don't want to be with Creature when he is working. I ended up compromising and agreeing to get her off the bus and spend an hour or so with her after school until he gets home from work, but in the morning, he now has to take her to her mother if he is working out of the house. It was a difficult conversation but it had to be said. The resentment I was feeling was not good for anyone. I actually told him that Creature was better off because I was not in the emotional state to adequately provide her with attention.
Just be honest. SD is not your responsibility. She has two parents and they should figure out amongst themselves how to provide coverage when one of them is not available.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I refuse to ever be alone
I refuse to ever be alone with SD. I used too but she has made up some pretty crazy lies about me so now I refuse to be alone with her. A year ago she told BM that I said she was "fat and ugly", that is just one example, there have been so many lies. Anyway BM believed her and DH did not, he understands why I don't want to be alone with her, she makes up lies about him as well!
I watch SD alone all the
I watch SD alone all the time, but my situation is different since we have her about 75% of the time anyways. I get off at 3 pm while DH works until the normal 5, so I usually have a few hours with SD by myself. I don't mind it, and it's really not that eventful since SD always does her homework right when she gets off the bus, which between that and reading generally lasts until DH gets home.
There should be an understanding between you and DH as to what happens when he's not there to watch his kid. In our case, 2 or 3 nights a month DH is required to close the office, which means working until 8 pm. We have an understanding that whenever possible, DH will configure his schedule so that he closes on Thursdays, when SD is supposed to be at her mom's. This isn't because I don't want to watch her but because I figure that he should make every effort to be here when she is since he doesn't have the luxury of having her full-time. Granted, it's not always possible with his schedule, but at least I know he tries and that's enough for me.
As far as discipline, I pull the WWDHD aka What Would DH Do? I have always disciplined in the same manner as DH--used the same punishments and the same wording and the same tone. If you're not comfortable doing that I would talk to your DH about finding other arraignments for his child. You shouldn't be forced into an uncomfortable situation.
This is such a challenge-- I
This is such a challenge-- I spend a lot of time with my SS without FH. We are hanging out these last few days while he and I are both on spring break. For me, I just want FH to acknowledge and appreciate it. And this also means, for me, that he needs to them be willing to accept some of my parenting input.
I am feeling extremely frustrated right now b/c I am feeling like I am being treated like an un-paid nanny. FH reverted back to many of his habits/ways of permissive parenting that I do not agree with (I think b/c of some threats made by BM and stressful stuff happening with SS's school/living arrangements). Yet I'm the one planning activities, helping SS clean out his clothes to see what we need to get, taking him and friend to the movies, taking him to piano lessons, etc.
So, I do think of you want to give up caring for SK, then you need to be wiling to give up having parenting input.
I agree with you that
I agree with you that typically I don't mind watching the SKids either, as we usually enjoy our time together. But I do want some sort of recognition for this as there are many times that I think BM looks at me like I'm free daycare...I have summer vacation off so I am basically the automatic nanny if there's a reason they need me. Most of the time my DF is very good about being thankful, which is all I really want.
At the same time, I agree as well that this is a conversation you should have with DH and what your expectations are as far as "parenting" vs. "babysitting".
DH & I have skids EOW and
DH & I have skids EOW and one wk night. DH takes full responibility for the time with them. He knows I'm not going to get stuck with them. He has started to take SS8 to Boy Scouts on our night and asked me ahead of time if I could watch SS5. I told yes but that there may be days that I cant and he has to respect that. I do on occasion watch them for him and they are told they must listen and respect me or there will be consequences. They listen for the most part and I do punish them if they dont. DH always calls to check in and see if there are any issues. Some days I dont mind at all and have fun with them but there are other days where I'm like this isnt my responsibility and I shouldnt have to stop what I'm doing so you can go play softball or whatever and I get stuck with them