I am presently dating a man who I absolutely adore, but I cannot stand his 2 sons.  He is a single dad and they both live with him so pretty much everything we do involves doing it with the kids.  There is little opportunity to escape. 

Let me preface this by giving a little background. I am a mother of one son. He is 21. For most of his life I was in a 16-1/2 year relationship with a man.  We were set to marry but, needless to say, things fell apart and it never happened. We broke up and I stayed single (not dating) for a few years to recover and heal.   While we were together he was very critical of my son and my parenting.  He came from an authoritative parental background.  I am more authoritarian. My son and I have an awesome relationship and he is truly a great kid.  I am also a teacher, so children have always been my thing. 
 

I met my current boyfriend about a year and a half ago.  I knew from the moment I met him that there was something amazing about our chemistry and we have honestly been inseparable since the day we met.  We do everything together.  We enjoy each other's company. We are great friends.  I love him dearly.  
 

However, his kids are an absolute terror. The youngest is 9. The oldest is 14. He also has an adult daughter who I get along with quite well, but she lives independently and I don't see her often.  His boys are both spoiled, manipulative, loud, imposing, and sometimes disrespectful. They absolutely do not follow any directive without having to be told various times.  In fact, if you ask them not to do something, they will both intentionally do it again and again, seconds after you make the request, in absolute and utter defiance.  They youngest one is unbelievably loud and incredibly hyperactive.  He literally stands in one spot and jumps- over and over. He will do this for HOURS. He recently started making these high pitched squeaking noises and does it over and over. At first I thought it was some sort of a tick but then i asked him why he does it. His response was, "I don't know. I just do."  I asked him to stop and, of course, he did not.  When I realized he continued i just shot him a look, to which he replied, "Ok- I'll stop."  Granted, a lot of what he does is just typical kid stuff, but the things that are not typical, his father ignores. He jumps on furniture, he whines DAILY, he throws tantrums at the mere mention of the word "NO," and he is extremely demanding of his father's attention all of the time.  Believe it or not, he is my favorite of the two.

The oldest kid is flat out intolerable. He is a know-it-all who always interjects in adult conversation no matter the topic. He is also over weight, lazy, and refuses to get out of his bed unless he is called downstairs to eat.  He literally lays in bed 24 hours a day.  He is picky, unbelievably demanding and extremely critical. He complains constantly. There has rarely been an occasion that I cook for them when he doesn't complain that something is weird tasting or he doesn't eat this or that. (Mind you, I'm a pretty good cook).  He ALWAYS tries to find wrong in everything I say and do. His antagonism has really defined who he is to me, and I truly detest his presence.  His father is no help. He clearly feels very guilty about the situation with their mother so he overcompensates by entertaining their every whim, not disciplining them, and allowing them to do pretty much whatever they want on their terms, as often as possible. 
 

One element that I have not explained- the kids' mom. She is in the picture but she has been homeless (staying with a friend) for the last year and she does little to nothing for the kids financially.  Because of her circumstance, my boyfriend allows her to "babysit" the kids at his house (we don't live together although I sleep at least 4-5 nights a week at his house).  She comes in the morning and leaves when he returns from work. She leaves food and clothing there and has even slept in the kids' beds.  She has a KEY to his house. I don't even have one. This makes me incredibly uncomfortable. We have had a few conversations about this that have not ended well. He insists that if we lived together that none of this would be happening but I can't see that far into the future if he doesn't make concessions for me now. Their co-parenting situation is not normal and the only person who is making any concessions or sacrifices is me at this point.  Not to mention the oldest is a mama's boy so he revels in the idea of her being there. 
 

Most of my family cannot stand these kids- especially my son. He hates to see them coming.  I really love my boyfriend and i want a future with him but I don't know how to deal with the kids and their mother.  My boyfriend admittedly lost a relationship because of this in the past (particularly because of the kids' mom). I told him that he must realize that he is the common denominator- not the women he has been with.  He seems to believe that he is doing what he thinks is best for the kids, but I'm certain it is not- and it is definitely not what is best for us. 
 

Can anyone relate to this?