Looking back over the week of disengagment
I can see I fudged up a little. There were a couple of times I could have been pleasant and not given myself away, but my animosity towards SD showed. Just a couple. I think that may have contributed to SO feeling nice to her even though he too was frustrated with her. Nothing big, just small snippy responses to her nonsense.
Example: "where should I put these seeds" she had a glass full of sunflower seed shells from the day before. Gross. They were stuck to the glass.
I just said "the trash". Her dad then explains to her that she should get a paper towel and scrape them out first. Really? I have to spell out for her how to throw something away? Whatever.
It is also more apparent that I ignore her because I do interact with SS13 differently. He and I chat and joke.
I am proud of one major feat. My pet peeve is the "I want a pet" thing. SD had two pets, mice. I bought them. They died. She never took care of them. My house rule, no more pets. this is a hot button for me. She was too lazy and irresponsible to care for anything herself. She just wants something and wants other people to take care of it. Just like everything else. She wants to be waited on.
She is always saying "I want..." if its not food, its pets. I want a fish. SO says that would be a good pet for her (because she wouldn't have to really do much for caretaking I guess). I think she'd still kill them by not taking care of them but whatever. I kept my mouth shut. She and SO talk for a bit about it. She says "So you guys would really let me have a fish?" SO, I would like to have a saltwater tank but right now we just have too much else going on that we have to take care of and spend money on. I feel like I did really good. Kept my mouth shut and IF it were to have become necessary, I would have spoken up. Luckily I didn't need to.
Making a note to self that I need to keep things in check. No snippy responses. speak politely when spoken to politely. Unless you there is an immediate need (not like they were buying a pet that day), then wait to respond right away.
I also find it interesting that SD16 tweeted this when we were all in the car together taking her home.
"I hate not liking someone and no matter what, you're always gonna have to deal with them."
I can only imagine that this is about BM, her stepdad or me.
I don't care if its about me. I've had the exact same thought about her. It would be nice to just be out in the open that the feeling is mutual. Then I wouldn't be the bad guy for "not liking" sd.
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after sd16 Mother F'd her
after sd16 Mother F'd her little sister up and down I became un-disengaged and spoke up to her and told her that she is not to speak to her sister in that way in our home....this was her twitter post with in 5 minutes:
I think I know how to handle my problems, you did put me in therapy remember?
I so wish I could have responded, because I would have said:
yes I did put you in therapy, apparently you thought it was a practice session for lying because that is what you did an hour a week for 6 months until I pulled the plug on therapy because I could give a shit about you...
but...i didnt
I am sure you 'like' the
I am sure you 'like' the girl. It is her behaviour you don't like. It worked for me whenDh accused me of the same thing once or twice I was dealing with brattish teenage stepsons.
And frankly, dead fish smell worse than dead mice.
I always adopted a Mary Poppins demeanor. Firm but fair and ALWAYS with a funny song running through my head which made me smile. This drives them crazy because they think you are laughing at them.
No, I don't like her. She's
No, I don't like her. She's the epitome of all that bothers me in a person. Lazy, expects others to do things FOR them, no goals, no motivation, always asking for something and expecting to get it just because of who she is. Anyone who takes away dad's attention from her, she targets. If I stay out of the way, then poor SS gets crap from her. She's mean to people. She makes fun of the mentally handicapped, she has no real sympathy for anyone. Its just victim all the time. She's a future BM.
Its because she is becoming the textbook type of person who was overindulged in every category as a child. So she'll be listless, unhappy, and never find direction in life because she's never had boundaries and was allowed to always get and do what she wants.
I will take your Mary Poppiins model though. I need to work on my pleasantness.
I have a feeling it was too
I have a feeling it was too because afterwards she tweeted something about not liking that there are some people she used to be closed to and she isn't close to them anymore.
The problem is, instead of owning up to her behavior she plays victim like how sad it is for HER. I frankly stopped caring. Thanks for the encouragement. I know its a good thing I disengaged, but SD can play the poor me game very well and dad starts feeling sorry for her. I then get a sense from him that I'm being mean. I'm not, I'm just not playing the game anymore.
Sometimes I think he should just confront me so I can be clear about what is going on.
If SO eventually comes to you
If SO eventually comes to you about getting her a fish, you can remind him he was complaining how nasty her room is because she's not there enough.
"But honey, you said she's not here enough. We certainly don't want the fish to accidentally die. I think it's best she keep it at her mother's home."