SD17 (almost 18) Winona demanding she have a pet now.
We have the Noah's Ark of a household, and apparently this is how SO rolls. Cats, kittens, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, lizards, fish, birds. Currently we have 1 dog, 1 hamster, 2 bunnies, 2 parakeets and 4 koi. That's a lot of upkeep! I am usually the one who takes care of them, and has insisted SD10 be good about cleaning up and feeding of her rabbit.
Well, a few days ago, SO surprised me with the absolute most adorable little dwarf lion head bunny ever. I have been living there full time over a year, and part-time before that a year and a 1/2. I haven't had a pet there, until I bought some gold fish a few months ago, and added a few koi. I typically have been taking care of everyone elses pets.
As recently as a few months ago, Coco, SD17's dog of 16 years died. I took care of coco every day, fed and watered and loved her every day for 2 1/2 years, roughly. SD17 barely spent any time at all with her, and never fed/watered her, even during summer vacations when she was home all day. She's the kind of person who will go up to a pet, spend about 5 minutes and then walk away. The only skill set she has really for cleaning is picking up dog doo, but only when asked, and then she argues about it. Same thing with her beloved coco. Since she doesn't have a job, I paid half of cremation cost ($80) for HER dog. No thank you's, ever.
So we went to SO's sisters house, for a dinner party with approximately 7 people, and during conversation, SD17 bratola decides she wants to badger Dadee for a pet. Because she NEEDS one. She started yelling and arguing and of course the nice aunties pled her case and comments were made that she should have a new pet because she is grieving the loss of her precious Coco.
Yeah. Precious little coco, who in the last few months of her life, became a little crazy and ran away twice. And SD17 did nothing to look for her, no postings on craigslist or anywhere. I did all that. And she has the nerve to tell her dadee that she should be given her sisters rabbit!!!
Her sister SD10 said "shes being greedy, she doesn't need a pet she WANTS a pet.
Grrrrrrr. Arguing in front of family really bothers me because she knows she wont get yelled at. SO just held his ground and laughed and joked. I told everyone very loudly, several times "we are maxed out on pets at our house", argue argue argue. "No" I said, finally, tired of all the yelling (they are loud and proud), and just looked at SO, and said "we should go now, this is too far gone".
Luckily SD17 hasn't mentioned it in front of me AT ALL, but she has 3 more days at our place to start her badgering. Shes careful to only direct her conversations at SO, not me, and she knows how I feel. She will NOT have a pet at our house. Oh its not fair? Well life isn't fair, buckle up buttercup.
Ruined the nice dinner party for me. All the comments made my fur go up.
'Nice how everyone thinks they can tell me how to run my household', said no one ever.
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We are hoping she will
We are hoping she will graduate high school, and take some community college classes. I do know her parents cannot afford to send her lazy butt to college, and her grades are not going to get her any scholarships. She has no job, and no experience, and no license, and no friends to help her out with rides, etc.
I think the only pet she can handle is a pet rock.
Yes, I lost my temper a bit,
Yes, I lost my temper a bit, should have kept it all down, but I felt like I needed to make a stand. They stick their noses in a LOT. Previously at Super Bowl party it was all about "why don't we let SD17 paint her room?" Um well its double work, we don't own it, its a rental...now its "why don't we let irresponsible SD17 have a new pet to replace the previous one she ignored?"
I am getting snappy because they are getting into my business, plus there are a lot of resentments for me (obviously).
When I moved in, I did not have a job, then later obtained a parttime job. So I offered to help out. Now I have full time, and my SO has a full time job and has to work to get the kids out the door to school on time. Plus I just naturally do it, especially because of 50/50 CO. SO appreciates my help tremendously. And he and I made the decision together that spoiled brat SD17 will absolutely NOT get a pet.
Heaven - I am just afraid, because she is turning 18 at the end of this month, that some kind well-meaning relative will decide to get her a pet, and it will be something expensive and unreturnable...so that is part of why I spoke out. That kind of thing COULD happen, whether or not SO and I have decided, and rude people will do things like not consult the head of a household.
So there's that. Plus she could sneak something in. She lies a lot. Just freaking out a little, and wondering what to do, in the case of her badgering. I just feel like she is so inconsiderate and so irresponsible. I want to tell her "focus in getting your life on track - focus on graduating, focus on getting a license and focus on getting a job". She has no job - how would pet food, pet supplies and pet dr be paid for? Out of OUR pockets of course.
Unreturnable for the relative
Unreturnable for the relative who bought a living creature without checking with the homeowner/tenants. Not for the "adult" recipient who will be forced to get her own place or say 'Thank you, but my landlords are not allowing me to have pets.' (You and DH being SD's landlords, since she is not a tenant on the lease.)
What kind of pet is unreturnable? Anything that sneaks in would be rehomed asap. There are networks of rescues on Facebook for almost any kind of animal.
I don't think it will happen,
I don't think it will happen, PROBABLY, but simply have the FEAR that it will. The arguing and badgering stress me out. At one point she even wanted to take over her sisters rabbit!!!! The same one that her sister cried over, at several points, because her dad was going to rehome it, since she wasn't spending any time with her.
Yes, my friend works for local animal rescue - she is always placing notices on FB. It would be very bad, in my opinion, but if SD17 is pushing hard enough that her Aunties are also arguing for it, then I am thinking it might happen.
Im sure if I had any
Im sure if I had any discussions with the Aunties, it would be taken badly. SD17 has an attitude towards me (read my blog - its rich with examples), and I fear they have taken her "side", as she has been taking care of their mother for them. That is her source of "power" for lack of a better word. So the Aunties rally on her behalf, but yes, the animal will have to be given back or worse than an argument will ensue.
I don't even want to think about the brats birthday. Ugh.
Since you live in a rental
Since you live in a rental wouldn't you have to have the Landlords permission in addition to paying the deposits and fees for another animal? I can't even believe they allow you to rent a house with all the animals you already have. I would have used this to my advantage and said the Landlord said no more pets allowed.
Yes, Stepped, and we used to
Yes, Stepped, and we used to have to hide evidence of 2 dogs.
My point is that I shouldn't have to make excuses and reasons. WE should not have to. It should be, in my opinion, that we said NO and No is a complete sentence. No arguing. Especially in front of Aunties and guests at a dinner party. And Aunties need to not make comments, and not joke that "oh once something else dies then you can get your own pet."
This kid can barely take care of her own self. Plus she has destroyed every small shred of relationship we had, and has no remorse. I sort of want her to move on in her life, stand on her own two feet.
He is the youngest in a large
He is the youngest in a large older brood. The women in his family are very strong-willed and independent. Unfortunately, the loud obnoxious SD17 hasn't learned anything from them over the years...
So they can huff and puff all they want, at the end of the day, I am still standing, like the proverbial brick house.
thanks for the earworm i LOVE
thanks for the earworm
i LOVE that song.
Next time that happens smile
Next time that happens smile optimistically and say, "Oh, sd, I'll be glad to meet your new pet next year! I'll help you make a budget so you'll know how much to save from your paycheck and better start looking now for the apartments that allow dogs and how much the security deposit will be. Oh, this will be fun!"
If you get flak -- ok, when -- just follow up with "nobody gets a pet from their parents when they are 17. You will be tackling the world soon and making your own decisions - you can do anything you want then. You wouldn't want us to hold you back by making you come to our house every day to feed and care for your dog and pick up after her."
Or you can do what I did early on: "Any pet who enters this house is mine."
(in our case that usually means "while it's here" cuz we babysit bm's dog from time to time but we do send him home)
Chief - I have imagined what
Chief - I have imagined what I should say...and yet, I am trying to keep everything so nice. She gets mouthy, and always likes to say "oh you are trying to get rid of me" or "oh you are taking Clove's side against your own daughter!"
LOL. Yeah, it should be mine!!! I take care of all of them (except parakeets).
The issue that had been prevalent before is that kids think if one gets something the other should have in like kind, and I am included in this weird loop. I try to tell SO, "hey I am not equal standing with kids, they need to be ok with you giving me something, instead of guilting you into giving them something when you give me something".
Really, Clove, don't stand
Really, Clove, don't stand for that. Don't argue with him or try to make him "see." Just say "you're kidding" or "good one" or whatever just as long as the message is clear that that is not how adults behave and you won't entertain such nonsense.
As for the two girls having to be even stevens then tell the 17 year old she has to go bed at the same time as the 10 year old, ask permission for a bowl of ice cream, etc etc etc. You and dh both need to get it across to her that she has different needs and expectations from a little kid and, dadgummit, she is 10 seconds away from being an adult. She's supposed to meet her own needs now.
I agree Chief. She only earns
I agree Chief. She only earns money from taking care of her 94 year old grandmother on SO side. Other than that she has no job, and we are hoping she will graduate (grades are not the ebst, many tardies and all that). I WANT her to be independent. Focus on that little girl, forget about the hedgehog.
Not another hedgehog!!! Oh,
Not another hedgehog!!! Oh, no! Moon, where are you?!!!
Yep. A hedgehog. And her
Yep. A hedgehog. And her cousin has one right now. They apparently are all the rage.
Eeewwh I had a hedgehog as a
Eeewwh I had a hedgehog as a child. I walked around the pet shop with my dad... can I have this? No. Can I have this? No. Unfortunately he said yes at hedgehog. That thing was a terror. Had to wear big work mits to pet the thing and it would get out of the cage and I'd come home from school to find it loose in my room hissing and jumping at me with its quills all out ... terrifying. We sold it within a couple weeks ... he never got me another pet hah.
Sorry not helpful just wanted to share.
We are in California - I
We are in California - I think hedgehogs are illegal. SO has previously had ferrets, and all manner of amimalia, so its very commonplace for this this particular family unit to have more than one. I feel like animal farm!
EXACTLY my point. I just get
EXACTLY my point. I just get so angry when she goes into her "badger mode", she gets loud, obnoxious and mean. And enlists her aunties! Im like 'hey its our household, we do what WE want...'
LOL, YES!!!!!
LOL, YES!!!!!
what's up with these girls
what's up with these girls and pets....
I use to have the same problem... Aergia has 3 dogs and a cat. She came home now 4 times with another cat/hamster/dog.
Every time I forced her to return the animal. I made it very clear, she can't even care for the animals currently there why should she get a new one....
Now it's a new kitten which she will take with her to the city next year, I simply said NO... some one still has to look after it till then, and cats do not like changing houses, you will be studying and partying you will have no time for the cat... (when I first started dating SO, her cat was locked up in a room, 10 year old cat, never knew human contact, only got water and pallets daily and box cleaned weekly, I tamed that wild creature)
SO is away allot of times, Aergia stays at home, yet I still have to drive over to feed the zoo, it's to much for her, the last couple off times SO told me Aergia is staying at home to feed the animals (more like having sex and no adults around) then SO will be out of town for a week, after day one he calls me, Aergia decided to go to friends can I please look after the animals.... I never can say no.. but I use these examples when she brings home another helpless animal... and we force her to take it back.
My biggest concern is, she will get her own pet in the city, come home for a week-end/holiday and try and leave the pet with us... I will make darn sure any pet she brings with her will be in the car when she leaves...and I will tell her, if you can't accommodate the animal take it to a shelter them.
Oh, Acra, I have similar
Oh, Acra, I have similar worries. It leaves one heartsick.
Dogs are a lot of work -
Dogs are a lot of work - walking them, picking up their poo, feeding and time and attention!
I have a soft spot for critters. I just do not have the energy to take care of more, PLUS the brat doesn't need to have a pet, she needs to focus on getting her life on track, getting a JOB. Figuring out where she will go forward from here...
For 2 1/2 years I was the one taking care of her old pooch. I paid half the cremation costs and zero thank yous.
NOT doing anything like that for princess snot-nosed snowflake. Ever. Again.
Ill bet you are concerned you will be saddled yet again with another 4-legged critter cast-off. Animals deserve better than that.
Ive been seriously thinking
Ive been seriously thinking of doing this - to shut her the heck up!!!!! As a not-so-gag-gift for bday #18.
I definitely do not want to take on another pet - not the time, expense biut not only that - I don't want her to be bonded to our house any more than necessary, want to move to smaller place, in a better town, want to not have her not be able to move out because she has a pet.
Pet rocks ROCK.
Rock on, Miz Foxie