Ranting and Tired
I have so much on my mind. I guess that's why I'm writing it down. Better to get out what's swirling in my head and sort it out, than to let it boil over.
Earlier tonight, FH gave me a sneak peek inside his little world. It turns out, he just gave up on his previous marriage and waited for his ex wife to #%^* up. When she cheated on him, he took his chance to leave -- seemingly unscathed to the outside world. Makes you wonder how much he's really willing to commit to a relationship, doesn't it? How much of it was just saving face and passing the blame? By extension, what "sins" will I be charged with when the sparkle wears off? (I would NEVER stoop so low and cheat on him, but what other "bull#%^*" could I possibly do to make him "righteously" disengage?)
And then he has the audacity to say I'm drawn to those in power, give up easily, and am likely to abandon my relationship for the next sparkly thing.
What he doesn't know is that I kicked some serious @$$ in my last relationship. My goal -- for the better of both of me and my ex -- was to get a degree and improve the life we lived at the time. I held a part-time job, a part-time (also paid) internship, and a full-time college course load in the hopes of getting us somewhere. Instead, my ex left me for a scantily clad employee of his just a few months prior to my graduation. (He was a Hooters manager.)
Ironically, all the hard work I put in during that time seems to be in vain. Even though I now have a Bachelors in business/marketing, I've yet to secure a role in my career -- since leaving my home and moving 200 miles away to be with him anyway. Despite all that, I am working to build my own business from the ground up, though.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe I'm being hypercritical and sensitive. Maybe this all touches on past hurts and scars. Who knows anymore?
All I know is summed up in one word: RESENTMENT. I resent FH for caving to his ex wife when she demanded a paternity test on her second baby; a baby that wasn't his. I resent him for acting like SD11 does no wrong. (She's lied about me. She disrespects me. She's lazy. She's a boastful little brat to everyone around her.) I resent him for forcing the thankless job of stepmother on me. (Something SD11 won't even acknowledge because her trifling, half ass mother says so.) I resent him for the favoritism he shows SD11 (e.g., insisting on giving her a room in our new house that's 30 sq ft larger than BS13's simply because "she's a girl", mowing half the backyard when it's SD11's turn while expecting BS13 to do it all by himself).
This is really just a rant. Comment or put me in my place if you must.
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Comments
Lady so much resentment, why
Lady so much resentment, why not end it and start new? It's never going to change you know...
The only thing you can do is to simply tell FH - I do not parent your child you will not parent BS, if you want BS to do something you can ask me and I will talk to him....
I was in the same situation, SO asked allot of my son and his princess did nothing, I was not even allowed to ask her to bring her dishes from her room... I stopped it and I told my kid, from now on if SO asks you to do this or that, simply do what his daughter does and ignore him... SO once complained to me and I said, oh now you are moaning but when your daughter does it to me it's fine?
We agreed that we will not parent one another's children, I would ask SO to see to it that the kitchen is cleaned up, he would do it, cause he will never ask Princess to clean her mess... SO would ask me to ask Deigma to wash the dog's water bowls - I would simply look at him and say, who's dogs, it's not his dogs and not his responsibility, you will not ask my kid to do anything you are not prepared to ask your own kid to do....
Just a few observations. I
Just a few observations. I was a bit like your EX in that I decided to end my first marriage when my EX cheated on me. I had up to that point gotten very tired of a LOT of his behavior and this was basically the smoking gun that gave me the excuse/motivation to pull the trigger on leaving him. So, there were likely things that both he and his EX did that contributed.. but he wasn't motivated enough to actually leave until she publicly cheated on him and made it impossible for him to save face? TBH, I think most people will find that in the aftermath of a breakup, you will have people align with each side depending upon their loyalties. I'm sure her side also had a list of things against him. I wouldn't worry too much about what someone thought if I never wanted to be with him again.
Re the room: It's 45 square feet, I think it's personally a bit petty to be scorekeeping to that level. I'm thinking your son probably cares less than you. You are just seeing this as a sign that he prefers his daughter.. which he probably does.. but in the end, it's not a huge difference.
Re the lawn mowing: An 11 yo girl is really too young to be doing that chore in my mind. Maturity and physical strength and stamina to mow a lawn with a power mower would favor the older 13 yo having that as his chore. Certainly there are other tasks she can complete that are less dangerous.
What is a little more worrisome is this: And then he has the audacity to say I'm drawn to those in power, give up easily, and am likely to abandon my relationship for the next sparkly thing.
Why does he have this opinion? What have you said or done to lead him to think this? And... why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who really thinks this about you... and why would he want to be in one with you if he thinks this is true?