So dh had some pals over tonite. Evidently the pals were out front while ss and ds were playing basketball. Evidently something went down and my ds ended up " slapping" ss. He realized what he did and apologized immediately to ss. Pal went and told dh- dh grounded my ds for the weekend. Ds's story is that ss threw the basketball at his face and he was retaliating. I have no idea what truly occurred as I was not there- which neither was dh

Now do I think my ds should be punished for slapping anyone. Well, sure he probably should. However, ss can be verbally aggressive with all the kids in the house daily and NEVER gets punished for it. He can get detentions at school and Never get a consequence at home. He can fail his classes because he chooses not to do his homework and evidently this is all ok- no need for punishments or consequences. But dh feels ok about punishing ds because he effs up once. I kind of think of it as the kids you hear about being bullied at school. They eventually Lose it and strike back. I thinking that all my kids have pent up anger towards ss as I know I sure do. Does it mean ds should slap him? No. However eventually everyone has a breaking point when someone treats them like shit daily.

If ss was being " handled" appropriately I wouldn't have a problem with ds being punished. There would be no reason for him to lash out at ss other than his own inability to handle his emotions. I guess if he just would have went off and screamed at ss then that would have been acceptable.

So now dh is pissed at me too as when we talked about it- which he overheard ds talking to me and he walks up to me after and begins the conversation with " are you really going to justify that?". I commented that I didn't justify anything- in fact the ONLY thing I said to ds when he told me this and complained about being grounded was, " I don't know what to tell you about that" as I had not even had a discussion with dh about it yet. But somehow I mediately get accused of "justifying" ds's behavior. So of course I went into defense mode and told dh if we are going to discipline for aggression it needs to be for all aggression- including the verbal crap that goes on daily. Well that pissed him off. I reminded him of last nite and how he had to hear ss yelling at dd and did nothing about it. He denied hearing (yeah right buddy- you were in the next room I was all the way in the basement- across the house with the tv on). Then he told me he had a " talk" with ss about it. I said ok we can have a " talk" with ds. Nope- not good enough. Slapping is not tolerated by dh- just constant screaming and bullying is what goes on without blinking an eye.

To add injury to insult- it is apparent that ss is super stoked about going to his mommy's this weekend. Wants to get up early so he can get his stuff ready. For leaving tomorrow evening. ( how long does it take to throw a couple pairs of shorts and tshirts in a bag? He called my mil to secure a ride to the meeting spot and told her thank you very much for taking me. Wtf? If I had taken him I know I wouldn't get a thank you. No ride home has been secured either- if I pick him up I am sure I won't be told thank you either. Im glad to be rid of him- bur how he can be so excited to spend the weekend with a woman who wanted to terminate her rights to him less than a year ago- has only seen him 3 times since then- pays no child support- doesn't call except every 3 months or so and has told him and dh in Jo uncertain terms that she is not willing to ever let him live there again and who according to ss mistreated him for years is beyond me. But what do i know?