Inappropriate things happening to my daughter by her father.
So I'm having a hell of a time. So my Daughter's father and I have 50/50 custody. So she got dropped off by her father and she came directly to my room and she asked "mom is all sexual abuse physical?" I replied "No. Why?" Then I was told that while she was at her dad's. They were outside on the balcony when her father started talking to her about puberty and how her body is going to start changing. Telling her how she's going to start getting hair on her vagina. She then responded "Dad, Mom has already talked to me about this and my body has already started changing, and I've already got hair down there." He said "No you don't." She said "yes I do." He said "No you don't. " She replied "Dad yes I do." Then he said "show me." She said "No." But he TOLD her to show him! She said "no!" Then he Demanded that she show him. She told him that she didn't want to especially outside on the balcony where anyone could see. So he motioned her in side. So she walked into the apartment with him right behind her. He told her again to let him see. So she revealed her self to him. She said he got excited and giddy upon seeing that she did in fact have pubic hair. His excitement however was in such a manner that it made her even more uncomfortable. Then he demanded that she go show his wife. His wife also being uncomfortable, refused and said "No. I believe you. I don't need to see." Then he said cheerfully "well I guess we'll get you a razor." Then insisted that his wife and my daughter go in the bathroom and have "THE TALK" and insisted that my daughter show his wife. So they went in the bathroom and my daughter had to reveal herself again to her stepmother and have "the talk" again with her stepmother. I called the department of child and family services and made a report and also filed a police report with a detective. But then I got a call from the social worker and she said because there was no sexual intent that they were closing the case and that there was nothing she could do. WTF! Ever since she told me I have refused to let my daughter go back over to her dads. But now I don't know what the hell to do.
GROSS! That was seriously odd
GROSS! That was seriously odd behavior! I hope his wife has a talk with him about it... but, he "made his wife go in the bathroom and look and have a talk with your daughter"? Is he a controlling man? If someone "told" me to do this type of thing, I would 100% refuse.
I know many on this site say "what happens during the other parents time is none of your business", but this is something completely different.
How do you communicate with your ex? Is it possible for you to email him to discuss (I say email so there is a documented communication)? If he continues this line of behavior, I would consult with an attorney.
WEIRD. DH once asked me to
WEIRD. DH once asked me to help SD9 wash her hair to get the knots out. I showed her how, gave her the steps, and then let her do it. He asked what I was doing (guess he wanted me to do it for her??) and I was like "Uh no. She's in the SHOWER." SMH. Can't believe it took him a minute to realize how fast south that could've gone REAL quick. Not about to go THERE as a step parent. ANY parent really!
I'd refuse visitation and
I'd refuse visitation and would make him take me to court for contempt and wait it out, even if you will probably lose. In the mean time, get your daughter into therapy stat. Make sure she knows this behavior is not right, she has a RIGHT to say No to anything to do with her body, Tell her to call you, 911, Grandma and keep calling until she feels safe.
There is nothing ok with this....
I'm horrified for your daughter. I also am just completely perplexed at the fathers line of questioning and demanding to be shown, but the also the demanding of the SM getting a razor and showing her how to use it - WTF?!?!
All I can think I would do in this situation is as you have done and book your daughter in to see a qualified psychologist ASAP. Hopefully having her talk to a 3rd party at least gives you someone outside of those within the family dynamic that could back you and your daughter up and your refusal to let her go over there if/when required. It will also help your daughter to unpack her feelings surrounding this whole event because I can only imagine it's going to be quite scaring!
I also think your daughter is quite astute - that is sexual abuse. I'm not sure of laws where you are regarding age, court, custody.... but hopefully post speaking to a psychologist if required the next step is a lawyer on behalf of your daughter.
im sorry yourself and her are having to deal with this!!
When i was about 7, one of my pervy uncles (mother’s bil)
in front of my mums sisters asked personal questions about my vaginal area and i told him it was none of his business
my sil laughed when my uncle asked those inappropriate things. Its more out of line for the stepmum to be doing a physical inspection so i get your concerns..
You don't have much ground to
You don't have much ground to stand on legally I would guess. Unless you go full lawyer and court case on your X and his wife and take it as far as you possibly can.
Not even close to appropriate. Your X is an idiot and a pervy voyer.
if your DD does not have a phone get her one. Make sure that she is clear that the next time anything even remotely like this Halle she with her father and ir SM that she immediately goes to the bathroom alone, locks herself in and calls 911.