Conversation With DH
Well I had a talk with DH last night. I asked him if he ever told SD20 to stop starting crap. His reply was "I just didn't reply". So I told him next time she says anything about me he needs to tell her to stop. He say 'why should I have to say anything"? So I explained that no comments to her are basically acceptance of what she is doing and how she is acting. She's never going to stop unless he makes her realize he isn't going to put up with it. She needs to feel the reprocushions of what she is doing. I shouldn't be the only one that gets upset. And if he doesn't say anything to her, my silence is over. I will start defending myself and that isn't going to be pretty. Then I told him that if he doesn't say anything to her, to me it is basically his agreement with her and if he agrees with her then maybe we need to re-evaluate our relationship. At this point he was quiet and didn't respond at all so I'm sure he tuned me out.... I am a woman of my word regardless of whether he heard me or not.. and if it happens again (which I'm sure it will) I definately will respond to her. I'm not going to take this lying down.. I've done that enough.
- Hopelesshere's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
(No subject)
Oh wow, that reminds me of my
Oh wow, that reminds me of my DH with his crappy family. That went on for years...I blame him 100% for what I went through, because him keeping quiet only made things worse. They felt they could constantly harrass me. I do believe that was why they did it. I finally told him exactly as you did...I will NO LONGER keep quiet and literally one day "I CALLED HIS MOTHER AND TOLD HER THE TRUTH" of all the crap...he was in shock...after that, he stood up for me. Have not had any issues after that. They have left me alone. But really it took just ONE CALL FROM ME lol to not just tell his mother off or anything, but to "set her straight". I told her "I know you think that I am mean, that I don't help my husband, blah, blah...but let me tell you, I make 80K a year, and he makes 40K a year and pays CS...guess what lady? I have not only supported myself, OUR son and him, but you also expect me to support his daughter?" etc...she was speechless. She ended up thanking me and after that, anytime she started talking crap to me DH stood up for me without me saying a word.
Oh but the fact that she
Oh but the fact that she thinks she is that special is the biggest problem of all. When this whole feasco started back in March she went to DH's dad and asked him to keep us away from the lake house this summer because she just loved him sooo much and wanted to visit all the time but wouldn't be able to if DH and I were there. Now that pissed DH off (but it was about him not me). He told her to GTH and that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore (which lasted about 2 weeks) and that as far as he was concerned she was on her own. He cooled off and forgave her and now it's just me who won't let her back in. I kicked those girls out in March and I told them they are not welcome in my house and I'm sticking to it. In fact, I'm getting ready to take a trip for work and if I find out he let them back in my house while I was gone.. when I get back, he will be gone. This is my house. I am in the same boat as you. I make about 80k and but he makes about 25K. He lives in a brand new house that I had built, he has a brand new truck that I financed. Without me he has nothing and probably can't afford to live because he pays CS too. Stupid, stupid man... does he not realize that he should protect the had that feeds him?
I would have dealt with her
I would have dealt with her myself but he told me not to. I wanted to let him handle it his way. I don't really care how he handles it. I just want her to leave me alone. The problem I see here is that if the problem isn't about him then he's going to ignore it and doesn't want me to deal with her myself because he thinks it's just going to make it worse. So I respected that. The thing you don't realize about my relationship with mh DH is that I don't think he is the enemy. We are actually very close and we genuinely love and like each other. He is my best friend and it would totally rip me apart to leave him. This relationship is the only one I've ever had in my life where I feel like we are truly a team. We don't fight. In the 9 years we've been together I can still ount the number of fights we've had on one hand. I think that is pretty good. I don't want him to leave. I want the problem solved one way or another. So either she stops because he's ignoring her, he tells her to stop or I'm going to step in and do it myself.
My DH and I usually are on
My DH and I usually are on the same page which is the only reason I've made it these 9 years. Typically, he is wonderful. The only issue I have is he doesn't want to confront anyone or anything.. which is fine.. but I don't think he realizes that if he just did it this one time, chance are he wouldn't have to do it again (for a while anyway).