The saga that began with me entering into a relationship with a man who has a horrific ex, a custody battle which went in his favor, and learning his daughter was subjected to horrific emotional/psychological abuse by that woman......all may be coming to a very interesting end....which means it will be the beginning of something new and challenging indeed.

BM has been put into hospice care, and will likely pass (hopefully) soon.  It is quite challenging for me - she is likely the only person in my entire life that I will ever cheer for their demise.  I have surprised myself at the delight my body feels knowing she will die alone and that she is suffering at her own doing.  And at the same time, I also recognize that it is also the mother of a 14 year old girl, who despite the abuse, still loves her very much.  It makes me sad on so many levels - I cannot imagine losing my mom so young and at the same time I know deep down that this child is better off with her permanently gone.  It will be easier to rationalize why mom is missing important milestones in her life because she is physically no longer here instead of the anxiety and worry and wonder of why she chooses not to be there.  The peace my partner and his daughter will have with her gone is so close I can taste it.

I know that her passing will bring on new challenges for sure.  I do not, and have no plans to blend our families until his daughter is off to college.  I still have my own space and escape.  His daughter is a lot.  She doesn't act out or disrespectful to me at all...as a matter of fact, I am on of her favorite people....but I know I am about to be leaned on heavily for that maternal void....and I am stressing.  My parenting is very different from my partners.....and his daughter is still unlearning all the things her mother programed her to believe.  Sometimes those triggers get the better of me (I am working on it).  She is very much like her mother in some ways...and I have zero space in my life for that toxic nonsense.

My partner, bless him, is driving the two hours round trip to make sure his daughter gets to see her mom every other day (so far).  Before she went into hospice, BM had only seen her three times in the past year.  BM (who is mostly unresponsive) doesn't deserve these visits, but I understand their importance.  It is incredibly amazing to me that the only one who cares about seeing her in her final days is the person she has absolutely hurt the most.

Its been one hell of a ride....thanks for letting me vent!!