the only child thing is a huge problem. it was with my ss6. until he was almost four, he was an only child and DH did not really understand how problematic his behavior was. ss6 use to hit people and order adults around and generally be a pain in the ass. DH did not see it as a real problem until ss3 was born and ss6 started treating his little brother the way he treated everyone . . . like crap.

i think parents will rationalize their kid's behavior when it only affects adults or older children because they can say "oh, it's not hurting anyone". then they're blown away when their brat kid starts hurting younger kids and getting in trouble at school.

this is off the point, i guess. i just feel bad for you because i know how hard it is to get through to the parent of an only child.

like the other poster stated, reasons for rules are good. it cuts through alot of the "but why" stuff, which is annoying and a waste of time.

i'm worried about your SO's attitude toward children making rules. it's really just not natural or healthy for kids to be making decisions for the household. they have no power to enforce the decisions and they don't have the forsight or logic to make good decisions for the household anyway.

at our house, what has really helped is breaking through the idea that children are miniature adults. ss6 still tries to act like an adult with authority, but he gets shut down each and every time.

so,

1. absolutely no disrespect
2. children do not tell adults what to do
3. children follow orders. they may ask for an explanation, and after getting one they damn well better do what they're told.
4. children are not allowed to hurt each other or other people or animals
5. children should not damage the house or anything in the house
6. children eat what they're given and have no say-so over what's for dinner. (still working on this)

Our house rules are:

1. Be respectful to one another, for yourselves and one another's property
2. Ask permission to use or borrow someone else's property
3. Clear your dishes etc. from the table when you are done eating
4. Make your bed
5. Brush your teeth with only your tooth brush
6. Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper
7. Towels go in the bathroom hamper
8. No swearing
9. Pick up after yourself, including your room

Those are just a few of the rules we have. Some are just common sense but these skids were not taught these by their parents. When we went to trial last year, BM brought it up to the Judge that we were horrible people who had all these strict rules.LOL

We are going back to court again and now she says that she doesn't have to tell the kids to do anything because they just "listen" to her. Translation...I have no rules therefore I don't have to tell them anything.

I hope all goes well for you tonight. You're making a positive step in the right direction