SD came over to get a shirt
And took about half of the nice flannel tops I bought her over to BM's. I was "hiding" in our room when she came over and she came into our room, into the bathroom where I was doing my eyebrows and says she's "maybe coming over this weekend" and that she joined track at school. This is the self proclaimed "sloth". At least she's doing something other than vegging away at video games.
I just want to pack all of her crap up and send it over to BM's and be done with the lot of them. DH hasn't contacted the CPS lady and hasn't heard anything but I know the officer reported that there was no harm in our home. I'm a week away from my due date and don't feel any maternal feelings for SD anymore. BM's home always has been and always will be "home". I just want the baby to have the larger room that SD never uses.
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Your due date and coming and
Your due date and coming and you're going to be a real mom. Im sure you've figured out already its nothing like being a SM. Its not an intrusion, a task, a chore, something you have to do. Its a joy. It's exhausting and there are days you maybe don't want to "mom" but there's no resentment or feeling like why are you in the room with me go away. I hate when the skids are in the same room as me. The sound of their voice, ugh. Being a mom is so fantastic and now that my boys are grown and successful, it's such an accomplishment.
PS mama's boys are the best!!
I've done so much for SD and
I've done so much for SD and thought I really loved her. This past month has proven that it wasn't true and now I just want her gone. And I want my husband to grow a backbone!
The more you give the more
The more you give the more skids take and dont appreciate. I do nothing and my DH understands but always hopes in the future we become the Brady bunch
The thing about skids and
The thing about skids and love... I feel that it is, by definition, a conditional love. I struggle with the concept a lot. I love SS19's mother. I marrried her. I grew fond of the skids (one is independent and doing great) and the other moved in with us 11 months into our marriage (surprise!). I have sacrificed for them over the past 5 years. I guess I can say that I love the skids, but on the other hand, it's not the same way as loving my wife, my parents, sister...etc. So, can I honestly say that I love them? It sounds terrible, but if I only saw them once or twice a yaer I'd be fine with that. That old saying "Love me, love my kids" just doesn't seem fair - or in some cases- possible. I know that if SS19 turned into a total psycho and left (or was evicted) then any affection would go, too. It's complicated and confusing for me.
You don't have to have any
You don't have to have any maternal feelings towards the kid. She already has a mother. An no, it's not surprising she feels BM's house is 'home'. With the exception of this past year (March to November), BM's has been the primary place and where she has spent the large majority of time since birth. The kid is now 12-13.
You don't have to be 'motherly' to the kid to simply say 'that's nice, track sounds fun'. No need to stop what you're doing and act all interested. Civil. Polite.
Taking her tops probably isn't a bad thing. If she's not coming often, she doesn't need a bunch of clothing going to waste in your home. Just be sure that if she does come she brings clothes with her. You bought the shirts for her, let her get some use out of them.
Track might be good for her and she might surprise you at being good at it. There are more activities than running and jumping.There is throwing. Maybe she'll turn out to have her Dad's arm and excel at throwing *wink*.
She also doesn't need the largest of the spare bedrooms in your home. Have DH rearrange to accommodate what space is most needed per needs.
I said something along the
I said something along the lines of "that's nice" and she left, thank goodness. Of course, track wasn't discussed with DH even though he still has 50% legal custody. I'm glad BM and SD are so happy, doing whatever they want and using DH as a convenient vacation home for SD. I am seriously on the verge of packing up her room on Saturday and putting the baby's things in there but we're planning to move by the end of this year so I'll just fantasize about it.
I
I
you don’t have to have maternal feelings to have a concern for someone’s well being. I don’t have maternal feelings towards SDs at all but I am still concerned about their safety.
DH is the problem here, not
DH is the problem here, not SD. Of course she and BM make all the decisions, DH literally has no say (based on his limited CO) and he won't do anything about it. He won't set limits on the skid or BM. He doesn't care if it bothers you or not.
I know you are probably very uncomfortable due to your pregnancy and your patience is limited. But you have to find a way to either live with this or get out.
So she thinks of BM's as a home and DH as a place she visits. I don't think that's uncommon for kids of divorce. It's weird that we expect them to see two places equally as "home". Some do, some don't.
I don't understand why you
I don't understand why you are so mad at SD and want her gone. All this is caused by your DH, yet he always gets a pass because you "want" him.
Well dear, you have to take the good with the bad, and your DH comes with a lot of bad - SD not included. She acts like a kid who has never been parented. That's on your DH.
ILD, I think there's a good
ILD, I think there's a good possibility that SD does NOT want to come to your home because of your DH's behavior. Driving while under the influence, throwing her phone because he cannot control his temper... Certainly sounds like he needs AA and anger management.
She was pretty positive that
She was pretty positive that she was coming over this weekend when she dropped in last night. I asked DH to not let her come over tonight because I want the house to myself tomorrow and am working all day Sunday so she can stay tomorrow night and Sunday while I'm gone.
I'm wondering if she senses
I'm wondering if she senses that you don't want her there. Or possibly overheard it. ??
I didn't say anything in
I didn't say anything in front of her and she was very chipper last night. I have just had very little interaction with her when she's been over and not gone even close to out of my way to do anything for her.