Spring Break
We had Spring Break with SD and let her bring a friend this year.
We went all out and overall I think it went well. (They were living their best lives).
DH and I kinda were just supervisory and 3rd and 4th wheels but we made the best of it, although he got very little one on one time but her age this was the best case scenario we thought letting her bring the friend.
Anywho....one evening toward the end we were all playing a game leisurely together. I know kids "act" different in front of their friends when a parent is around but it was nice to see her "inner world" more. (DH Is long distance).
During the game I'm not sure how or why it got brought up but she told her friend in front of us about how we have an age difference. She was wide eyed and giggly about it. DH is older than me by several years (less than 10). That's really never been discussed or even realized I thought until that moment, and not that it matters to us nor should it to her. I got the distinct feeling its been a topic of discussion on the other end and she is probably repeating the vibe she's been around. (Side note: her friends mom is 6 years older than her dad so not sure she got the reaction she was expecting).
I kind of want DH to bring it up to her this Summer. Why did she feel the need to bring it up, does it bother her, what else is she ruminating on? I feel like she felt empowered with the other kid close by to open up like that, which I'm fine with. But I want to see and hear more realness from her. I want to do like Rags says and clear up with facts and bare a$$ any misinformation the kid has.I'm very transparent but with the high conflict other parent we withhold 99.9 % of any discussions regarding that end of the world and the other parent. It's like unspoken almost. I want her to be open all the time, but she was tauight by the other parent at an early age what happens there stays there and like I"ve said before isn't real sophisticated to understand what that means so NOTHING gets shared to us to include awards, etc.zDH of course follows up with teachers, coaches ,etc and find out but its been an odd journey.
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If you engage the facts, the
If you engage the facts, the Skid will in all liklihood engage in discussion. You show provable documented facts and records, this keys the smell test sensors for the Skid regarding the lying manipulative side of things. Lies from them drives questions from the Skid, facts from you drives questions from teh Skid. Idealy anway.
They may not choose to live in reality and may choose to sniff the ass of the manipulative side, but at least that is a choice they make rather than them just drinking the Kool-Aid not knowing that it is just sweet flavored efluent.
It worked for our son (my SS-31). We kept him grounded in the facts, reality, and truth. The more they lied, manipulated, and PASd, the more questions he asked, andthe deeper we went with the facts. Which drove even more questions from the kid. By the time he was in his mid teens, he was comprehensively and regularly versed in the CO, supplemental county rules, State regulations, CS Vs. actual costs to support him, Spermidiot arrest records, history as a serial statutory rapist, divorce records (to this day he claims to have never been married), the younger Spermidiot Spawn criminal and dole records, PI reports, etc, etc, etc.
It is sad that we had to immerse him those things to protect him from them. But.. he has had to use those things to protect himself from them as an adult.
On the Spermidiot's delusion of never having been married. He married a 16yo when he was 25 to avoid a statutory rape arrest during the custody hearing when the SpermClan attempted to wrest custody of SS from my DW. Spermidiot was living with his 16yo GF and her mother at that time. His MIL signed the papers for the 16yo to marry him. They married the week before DW and I did.
I have no idea why he lies about it to his kids. It is public record. We have a copy of their marriage licence and divorce papers in our files. That was something that got SS's attention when he was researching reality when the SpermClan would float their lies at him during visitation.
As for your age difference.
As for your age difference. My bet is that BM thinks that is a manipulation point she can leverage with her kid against you and her father.
My DW and I have an 11.5yr age difference. It is a non issue for SS-31. We are just his parents. The age difference is not a thing of note. It wasn't for the SpermClan either. Since the Spermidiot is a serial statutory rapist they avoided that topic like the plague. We did bring it up during the hearing where we defended a custody attempt from the SpermClan. The Judge slapped our hand over bringing up their age difference while DW and I had a greater one. My response to the Judge was that the Spermidiot has serially perpetrated statutory rape while I had not. My DW was of age when we met and was still of age when we married 9mos later. She was 18 when we met and was still 18 when we married. I was 29 when we met and 30 when we married. SS-31 was 15mos old when we met. We married a week before he turned 2yo.
Spermidiot was 23 and DW was 16 when SS-31 was born. Spermidiot was 25 when he married the 16yo to avoid going to prison out of our custody hearing. She was 14 and he was 24 when they started dating. DW kicked his ass out when he cheated on her with the 14yo who he married 2wks before we defended the custody attempt in court.
In our case, I was not cruising elementary schools, middle schools, or High Schools. We met during the last semester of my 11yr undergrad career and her first semester at University after graduating from HS. I was 3 years post divorce when we met. I had sold my company and returned to full time student status a few months after my divorce from the serially adulterous XW was final. We married nearly 4yrs to the day after my divorce was final.
Do not sweat the age difference. I like the thought of asking SD about her issue with it, why she brought it up, and what has anyone said about it? You might as well complile the info and use it to bare BM ass if the opportunty arrises or it would play to your advantage.
I would.
This has to become from BM
Who's life is so uninteresting that she has to come up with this dribble. I can not see why a teen SD would even think of that. We all know that BM is the best, most sexy, young looking person on earth. Why does she care ?
I would let the comment about
I would let the comment about the age difference go. What could you possibly have to gain from it? There is a several year age difference. It's a fact. It's not like she told your friend a terrible secret like you have a venereal disease or that you grew up in foster care. Be unbothered or it will get back to the BM and she will know that it bothered you (and she'll "win").