Update to DF and his pathetic apology for Calling BM for advice
So as I sit here wanting to puke in my mouth, My Fiance asked to speak to me yesterday. He has not and I have not spoken to him in a few days, and I would not be around when he was home(I know maybe that was not right of me, but what could I do) Nor did I sleep in the same room with him over the last few nights. I would like everyone's take on this pathetic ass apology I got...So to take every one up to speed, Asshole Fiance did something stupid a few days back , and contacted his ex-wife (for advice, a favor and support, which blows my mind)instead of telling me what was going on.
He finally gets his lazy ass out of bed by the time I got out of work yesterday and says to me that he needs to speak to me, so being the only adult in the room, I stand there listening to his apology for WHY he needed to call his ex, and why ,and how, blah, blah, blah, and that he is "very sorry" and it "wont happen again". And he said that he had no other choice , and I was too far away from his location at the time, and couldn't not get there in a instant, which I have later learned he was all the way by his old home, where ex wife asshole lives.
He then tells me that not only do I need to support him (emotionally during this time, please know what he did was all self doing, and I have no sympathy nor will I accept this behavior under any circumstance) but that BM would love to speak with me and have a working relationship, especially if stuff like this comes up????????? So not only am I angry about what he has done, broke my trust, and now wants me to try and have a relationship with this jerkoff psycho BM ex wife of his?????. Oh hell No!!!!! I have tried this over the last few years, and each attempt was failed with death threats from her, or messages relayed from my skids that she hates me, she wishes I would die, etc, etc, and so on. The women is disgusting, and I never knew a human being could conjure up the thoughts that she has in the past or the things she has said or have done. I really don't even think this manic bitch said any of this, I think he's making it up to try and make it seem as if there was nothing more going on between the two of them during the incident that happened when he reached for her!
Please let me know if I am thinking the right way, because I don't believe shit from him, and I have been researching, and talking with my therapist over the last 2 days, and I think it really is time to exit this relationship for the health and well being of both my son and I. However, I do love him dearly and I have invested so much into this. I just don't know if walking away is right 100% or staying and trying to work threw this. But I think bottom line is he is STILL a liar.
Thanks you all for all your past support and help. You are all so wonderful!
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I think you might be happier
I think you might be happier if you changed how you think about 'love'.
What if love was feeling happy being around someone, feeling happy when you see them enjoying themselves, feeling happy hearing them talk about something they enjoy (even stuff you usually find boring)?
Maybe the love you're feeling now is sexual attraction, complacency with your daily life together, or something else less... joyful than how I think about love.
and now he says he wants his
and now he says he wants his 2 daughters to come to the home this weekend. One of which has been banned form our home for physically hurting me....I did tell him no, but now he said that I am not being fair That I need to get past the "past" with his 2 oldest daughters, and allow them to come back in the home. I have no problem with the youngest skid, yet he is in la-la land when it comes to parenting her, and he always does everything for her, and disregards the rest of the family...But what family is actually left after this incident. I feel my blood boiling here, and I don't think I should allow him to bring his kids, my skid's here this weekend, especially after what just occurred last weekend with him and crazy psycho ex wife of his.
I feel I will be setting my self up for a real BIG issue this weekend. Either that or he's trying to back me in a corner, and leave me stuck with these skids while he runs out and plays games with himself all weekend. I don't know what to do., Any thoughts on this too.....
I left the conversation yesterday shaking my head, and saying I don't think this is going to work, as he pleaded with me , and I walked away, We have not spoken since. and he has not reached out to contact me either. I am sure he's home in bed, or who knows. wont know until I return home from work.
Dear Dtzblnd, Thank you so
Dear Dtzblnd, Thank you so much for all your support. I first would like to say that I am so very very sorry for all the BS you have been going threw with your SIL, and more. And I am very very sorry to hear of your fathers Illness, That is very hard to cope with especially when there is so much drama around, its unfair & Its unbelievable. Im am so very sorry.
Thank you for such wonderful advice! I can suggest a written contract , that would be a great idea. I just don't feel I am ready to even let him slide, if that makes sence without closing out this last issue. And he is notorious for this. He likes to make one problem go away , but cause me to focus on something else. Hence why I believe he brought up his visitation this weekend, and of BM wanted to have a working relationship.
I almost feel that he is Mind fucking me. Trying to make me stumble. Of course, if I do, he know this will all be brushed under the rug, like issues in the past.
So I def think signing a contract is fantastic!! I will type that up pronto, but I think he still needs to iron out this other issue as well, because I am livid, and my home is not a comfortable place for me right now, and that's ALL his doing.....thank you so so much for all your help and support! I wish you the very very best...I wish I had your strength!
Dear Fire, You are MORE than
Dear Fire,
You are MORE than right, I know I need to only worry about my son and myself. It is time to move on, but it is so hard. I am working up the courage and planning my exit soon.
I've read your last post and
I've read your last post and all I can say is this guy must be awesome in bed for you to put up with all this.
^^^^^ Agree. And I think the
^^^^^
Agree. And I think the only reason he's apologizing is because it's been a few days without nookie... his soldier is full and he needs to release. What better way than through make-up sex?
Leeeeave him!
LOL, Funny thing is he is
LOL, Funny thing is he is NOT, not at all....But that def made me chuckle! Thank you so much for all your support
so he went to bm first for
so he went to bm first for help and support, and THEN when he knew it upset you went and talked AGAIN to her, about the fact that you were upset?
oh hell no.
This guy has a severe lack of
This guy has a severe lack of boundaries. I would never married someone who wasn't truly divorced from their baby mama (physically as well as emotionally - even if they were never married).
Dear MisSTEP, You hit the
Dear MisSTEP,
You hit the nail on the head , Lack of boundaries is an understatement. I should have seen this coming for a long while. Shame on me., wish I did see the signs sooner actually...Thank you so much for your support!
Dear Sueu2, You are right,
Dear Sueu2,
You are right, that should be enough said. He is really good at manipulating me, and I have to learn that when he speaks to me that is probably what he is doing...Its very sad...
I think you know in your
I think you know in your heart that you need to get out of that relationship. You just need to listen to that voice inside you and be strong!
Dear Flying Purple S.... I
Dear Flying Purple S....
LOL..I am being my eit plan now, I am getting all my affairs in order and then I will be out the door, I hope!
I know you are right, and lord knows I am trying, I just need that voice in side to start yelling a little louder
Thank you everyone! you are
Thank you everyone! you are ALL right, I really have to put my big girl panties on and exit. This is not good for my son or me at all.
To be honest Ninja, he isn't "ALL that" when it comes to the bedroom AT all.
I think what moeilijk has said is correct, I think I am just stuck in the same routine and have become comfortable. Lord Knows I do hate change...But this change would be for the good....And for him to go back and speak to her(BM) again after all of this, and not be about the kids, but about me is just not working for me. How could he do that? Ironically to answer
Just Wow's question, I think this daughter of his , who got physical with me in the past , it has stemmed from what she learned in her home with BM & My fiancé when they were married. As the stories I have heard from my skids was there was alot of problems there in their home with regards to the BM being very aggressive with my fiancé, but who knows if the shit they spew is the truth! They are the same product as their lying father(my F) so I don't know. I am trying my best to get my affairs in order to get out. Its hard, I have to be honest, but would be a breeze as far as bills goes, I know that for sure. But that is not my only worry. I have to again uproot my life because he's an asshole.
Dear Just Wow, Thank you so
Dear Just Wow,
Thank you so so much!!! You are right, I should be running for my life, and what you said was an eye opener for me too. Way too much drama, way too much baggage, and my Fiance and his spawn, along with their BM are TOXIC people and I don't want that near my son or myself any longer. Thank you so much for this support!
There is so much information
There is so much information missing here for me...
a. was your DF asking advice of BM in regards to something going on with skids or whether he should have the lump on his left testicle looked at?
b. He "lied" to you how? By omission, because he didn't tell you that he confided in BM until well after the fact?
I have read this twice and I'm just not getting it... sorry, maybe I'm just slow today.
Dear Daisy, That's okay, your
Dear Daisy,
That's okay, your not slow, I actually posted the incident on another one of my blogs...The long and short of it is that He went to his ex to ask her for a favor, to console, because he claims he was embarrassed to tell me, and to check out a situation for him (that he created and caused himself). He did not tell me about this situation till well after he returned home. And from what im getting out of the story it had nothing to do with her or the kids AT ALL. And I am guessing this sort of bullshit has happened before when he was married to this psycho, so instead of contacting me about his problem, or telling me when he got home, he called, and physically saw and had a talk with this bitch BM about an incident he created over the weekend. He never intended to tell me( I gather), that he reached to BM, but it kind of rolled out of his mouth when I asked him what the hell was going on..... now that I look back at it, and wondering why he kept going in and out of my home trying to hide his phone conversations(mind you this went on for 2 hours up to 2 am in the morning, when I should have been long ago in bed, and I didn't even know there as a problem)
Bottom lie, is he did something that was NOT OK with me, that much I got from the story, and not only am I in SHOCKED over this, but also over the fact that he called his ex instead of me when he was in trouble...and not to mention I didn't even know he was where he said it was, it was well over an hour away from our home, which doesn't make any sense...
SO.... he confided in BM at 2
SO.... he confided in BM at 2 a.m. while you were sleeping in the same house as him? AND he left and MET UP with BM to discuss this "dilemma"? Oh holy hell to the no.
I am so sorry if this comes
I am so sorry if this comes off rude, I'm not meaning it and let me add this is just my opinion.
1 He cares about the ex opinion more than yours or he wouldn't have ran to her for advice.
2 He ran back for advice about you being upset.
3 If his child assaulted you, then that's it. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed back around you. He can still see her outside of the home I'm guessing but he wants her in your home where you and your kid are. That is a man with no respect for you, your son, or your feelings.
4 It seems he's only sorry that he got caught. Which means he'll do better to hide what he does from now on.
I would say cut and run, you'll never really trust him again and that will eat at you rapidly.
Dear Evil stepmonster, I have
Dear Evil stepmonster,
I have to say you are right in everything you typed. I don't believe he is sorry, I feel he's sorry for getting caught, and he will most def be sure to make sure he covers his tracks better next time. As much as I would love the idea of "getting over" the issue with his 2 oldest daughters, I don't know if I can....Your right, he doesn't respect, me , my son, or my feelings, and that should be enough now.....
Thank you so much for all your support and thoughts, It means a lot to me
"I have invested so much into
"I have invested so much into this"
I haven't read through all the other responses but when I saw this I just wanted to comment on it.
Saying 'I can't leave, I've invested too much into this relationship' is like pouring water into bucket that has a hole and saying, I can't throw this bucket out, I've poured too much water into it.
Good luck to you.
Reading your blog just made
Reading your blog just made it crystal clear that this is NOT the man for you.
He is manipulating you to accept his kids AFTER his betrayal with his ex. Sounds like he's still emotionally attached and attracted to, his ex wife.
I'm sorry Love, but this man ain't there for you. He's still involved with the ex and his daughters needs/wants are much, much more important than yours.
Your feelings don't matter shit to him.
Get yourself and your son outta there and don't ever..ever look back.
Dear IslandGal, Sad but true,
Dear IslandGal,
Sad but true, I am starting to come to the realization that he is indeed MORE involved with his ex than I know for sure.....and of course probably still attracted to her, etc.....The kids, Ugh, way more than I can handle , and not worth me investing another inch in them, as they have no respect, their father has no respect, so I think I need to let him worry about his own shit for now on..Im sure he and his EX can figure out how to pay the Bills , with both of them OUT of work..LOL.....Thank you so much for your thoughts and support....