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Need advice on what to do to help my BD10......

IfearImgoinnutz's picture

Submitted by IfearImgoinnutz on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 9:33am

So my Exh is almost 40 and remarried his gf of 2 months who is 21 a few months ago. She's also pregnant. My BD10 found the positive pregnancy test in their bathroom in Nov. She hasn't told her father that she knows about the baby, but apparently they are spending alot of time talking about babies and of course now she is showing. I spent about 1.5 hours w/my BD last night trying to reassure her that this new baby is not "taking her spot", etc. I really don't know what to say to her. She is in that awkward pre-pubescent stage where she thinks nothing should matter but her. My exh and I also have a BD6 and although she doesn't know about the new baby yet, she asks for a sibling all the time.

I finally called my exh this morn and explained the conversation I had w/ BD10 and that she knows the new baby was coming. He chalks it up to "things change, she needs to grow up and get w/the program". I understand that, and I'm all about not involving myself in his and his new wife's business, as it isn't mine, unless it affects my kids, which this obviously is.

So I ask you guys, what is some "advise" I can give BD10 to help her deal w/this new sibling that's coming? I will admit she is an "attention getting" child since she was the first, etc. She's never really fully dealt w/our divorce I don't think even though he is now remarried and I've been remarried almost 2 years and picked up 2 SD's . I feel kind of helpless on what to say to her......

Comments

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 9:56am

What's wrong with what dad said? I'm pretty blunt though.

Things will change. A new baby takes a lot more attention than a 10 yr old. I would be very truthful in telling her how much your life changed when she came into the picture and when the next child came into the picture. Then say this is a very exciting time in dads family. All babies are. Whatever you do don't tell her everything will be the same....as it won't.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 10:14am

Me either. And I know some will disagree with that, but statistics are against them. Add to that the fact that his oldest is 11 years younger than the sm. That will undoubtedly produce awkward situations for all involved.

IfearImgoinnutz's picture

Submitted by IfearImgoinnutz on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 10:18am

I agree about it not lasting long. I hope it does tho, bc he is much better to deal with since he is "happy." I'm searching on Amazon for books now.
Thanks all!!

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 11:13am

I kind of agree with dads answer....suck it up buttercup. She's ten not two.

No time like the present to learn that she isn't the center of the universe. Maybe sit down with her and find out what her concerns are and help her come up with questions to ask dad.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 12:08pm

Wait so 10 year old knows only cause she found the positive test dad and new wife never told her? She probably feels left out like they are hiding it for some sneaky reason, the marriage was sudden and quick I imagine? Yes life changes but damn give a kid a chance to wrap their head around things. Anybody ask her how she feels about a new sibling, being a big sister again, letting her pick out baby clothes.
My SM hid her pregnancy from us kids. I found the sono and was 14 and even I was pissed. Not that she was pregnant that they didn't say anything to us kids. I'm the one called 911 when I found her hemorrhaging from the miscarriage, and was still pissed because I'm saving your life and I know what's happening and she still wouldn't tell me it was the baby till I said I know your pregnant and I know what's happening and you have to be honest so I can help you!
If their talking about it they need to be including the kids and talking to them about it, or it does sound rational to a 10 year old they are going to be left out because well actions speak louder than words and right now she is being excluded.

IfearImgoinnutz's picture

Submitted by IfearImgoinnutz on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 1:44pm

Lalena, you are correct, she only knows bc she found the test. And yep, they were dating 2/3 months, then got married. When I told Exh this morn that she knew his immediate response was "HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?" I wasnt going to say she had known for so long so I just said bc they talk about babies alot lately and that she was getting bigger, BD had sex ed earlier this year and she's not an idiot.

Your feedback has helped alot!