Just a vent - SS and activities
My SS13 has various issues - possibly Asperger's, possibly ADD, possibly other stuff, but neither parent wants to do anything about it (classes, therapy etc.) and more importantly, neither parent accepts it. They both - DF and the BM - swing between denying there is anything "wrong", and being frustrated, angry, and disappointed in him.
He has an IEP, and has had multiple types of testing done, but it's one of those cases where it's hard to pinpoint exactly what is up. So they have this idea that he's going to "grow out of it" which is just not going to happen.
I get that they wish he was a different kid, and that they (well, at least DF) feel guilty that they feel that way, but it just doesn't do the kid any favors.
The latest adventure is that BM has signed him up for the school football team. He doesn't want to do it, but he is desperate to please her, so he is doing it. This kid is the LEAST athletic or coordinated kid in the world, and he hates physical contact, and he is terrible in group situations with other kids.
Sigh. So she is setting him up for failure, AGAIN.
DF has been taking him to practice this week, and he comes back frustrated and angry at SS (DF was a high-level athlete in his day), and BM gets frustrated with SS, and SS will soon start acting out and refusing to go and it's going to be a giant failure like EVERY other time they have pushed him into sports. ARGH.
He is science-y and geeky and I've suggested science clubs and robotic teams, and gaming clubs and all the types of things that he would actually LIKE, but they want him to be different.
It's going to be a long fall.
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That's awful. My son played
That's awful. My son played sports until he got in HS and then it was very much more high contact (just basketball). He couldn't stand it. I let him quit. My son has never been diagnosed but he has a lot of symptoms of very low level autism. I never got him tested, though, because he always did well in school and had at least a few friends.
These kids often excel at
These kids often excel at individual sports, like swimming and running. Or therapeutic horseback riding. A parent should never force their past activities and expectations on their children. I normally advise not to interfere, but in this case I think you should tell DF he's being a horse's behind. Within reason the child should choose activities that appeal to him.
Well, nothing appeals to this
Well, nothing appeals to this kid, lol.
This is the BM's doing - she signs him up, makes DF pay half and drive him around, and then gives up partway through when SS starts complaining and refusing to participate. DF wants the kids to "see their commitments through" so he ends up taking the full responsibility of getting him there while getting more and more annoyed. Good times.
It's part of BM's power play and manipulation - the less convenient for DF the activity, the better. She doesn't actually care about SS - she wants to *look like* the perfect mother. DF falls for it over and over, he has huge guilt issues and feels like a bad parent.
But DF never signs him up for anything. And I learned a while ago that I am not going to put myself in the position of heading up activities for the skids - it bites me in the ass.
So I just get to watch it play out this time. I am annoyed by it, and annoyed with my DF, and annoyed by my SS, but I also really feel for the kid - he can't win.
I feel sad for your SS. It
I feel sad for your SS. It drives me nuts when I see parents trying to force their kids into a certain mold, and completely ignore who the child really is or what his or her genuine interests are.