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Here we go again........ BM still has not learned anything.... not even 30 days jail time helps!!!!

imagr8tma's picture

:jawdrop: Well we are absolutely speechless again..... BM is at it and it makes no sense. I have not posted in months as we thought things were going well.

Just a recap - BM has alienated DH from his daughter's life for years well since her birth and DH kept notes, receipts, emails, texts, counselor notes, anything BM did that was out of line. Well she eventually stop bringing SD for court ordered visitation (9 visits) total even after a judge gave her a direct order to not miss another visit. She was given a 30 days jail sentence that was suspended as long as she followed the court order - which is now over 7 pages long - due to all the bogus things she has done.

Right after the court case we found out we were pregnant and had to purchase new vehicles due to one getting totaled and one breaking down. So she has had a lot to "hate" on us for in her eyes.... Not that it makes any sense but its her... so nothing makes sense. However, she had been bringing SD to the visits on time, picking up the phone and basically laying low and not causing any issues.

Things were going well, and we really thought the bull crap was over. Well, the joke was on us!!!!!!!!

DH is supposed to have SD on odd years for Thanksgiving the day school recesses to the day before school begins again. This was his year to get SD. So we drove down to the meeting location - which is an 1.5 hour drive and waited and waited and waited and waited....... They were a no show. When DH called to speak to SD - BM had dropped her off at the grandfather's house earlier that day. So she had absolutely no intention of bringing her for visitation at all. SD has been at the grandfather's hours since Tuesday night and her mom only came to pick her up on yesterday late evening.

Now things are going to get ugly again. DH has already called the lawyer and is seeking options for what will happen. She has violated the contempt court order and is due to spend 30 days in jail. Dh told the lawyer what he would like to offer BM:

Option 1: BM sign over sole custody of SD, get counselor for a period of a year to three years, have supervised visitation at a visitation center in VA until completing the counseling, and then re-visit court to have a judge decide on a regular visitation schedule for her. (Instead of going to jail for 30 days)

- This option allows her to keep her teaching job, allows her to get some help for her issues, and still remain active in SD's life on a regular basis. This is what DH hopes will come about - the transition to living here would happen over the Christmas break and allow for her to be enrolled in school in January in VA.

Option 2: If she still has to do the jail time, an emergency hearing is heard switching custodial custody at a neutral location where her family is not allowed to cause a huge scene, counseling is ordered and supervised visitation occur at a center, and then a no contact order be put into place if she starts stalking or alienating SD or the folks here.

- This option is messy but hopefully is a better option then her just going to jail and losing custody.

Option 3: If she decides to disagree with the options.... The show cause warrant is entered, she is picked up and jailed for 30 days. DH takes his custody court order to BM parents home, removes SD and comes to Virginia. Then we file an emergency hearing and go from there.

- This is the most traumatic way - and hopefully will not have to be done.

Plus keep in mind we are almost 9 months pregnant as well. Baby is due a couple days after christmas... so all the stress is not needed but since SD is really excited about being a big sister, it could also help to smooth over the custody switch as well.

It is just so dang sad that BM can't get over what ever her issues are with DH and allow him in SD's life. She receives alot of child support each month, DH wants to be involved in SDs life, attempts to pick her up, goes to the school all from out of state. I just don't get it. There are men who do less that live in the same state as their children.

Well there is really nothing left for DH to work with her on.... She violated a contempt court order, took Thanksgiving and now has to face the consequences of her actions. This is a lose-lose situation. BM could lose her job, and custodial custody, which could make her look bad in her daughter's eyes. Although SD will more then likely be coming here. I am sure BM will use it as more of a reason to act out and act up. There will be no peace for anyone. Just a lose lose situation!!!!!

Comments

instantfamily's picture

Ugh, what a nightmare. You sound like you're handling it very calmly, though, which is good for you and baby. Congratulations, by the way! And another positive is that SD is excited about the baby- that may go a long way toward distracting her during this tumultuous time. I wish you good luck and the best possible outcome. Smile

shielded2009's picture

Wow!
and I thought my DH's situation was crazy...

My SD's BM spent a night in jail for actually attacking DH, but she didn't bring SD to his visitation today, as she says the CO says she gets her for the WHOLE weekend...(which it doesn't say)...

I have NO idea what goes on with these women...It's so unnecessary...

oneoffour's picture

Ugh! Why do thezse BMs think they can ignore court orders? Maybe a few more high profile cases of such beaviour and the consequences will stop them in their tracks...

I hope she gets more than a smack on the hand with a wet noodle and a 'promise' never ever to do it again. I like option 2 but sadly I think option 3 is the only way to teach her a lesson.

unwillingparticipant's picture

Just curious, what's wrong w/BM? From what it sounds like, substance-abuse? Mental health issues? What are her reasons for being so uncooperative?

imagr8tma's picture

I agree with all of you ladies. The judge stated herself, that there is no hearing or court case if the lawyer brings proof of her taking another visit... a show cause warrant would be signed and she would be jailed with a case to follow. I am not very confident this will happen as stated but something has to be done.

DH is fighting to remain active in his daughter's life.... if this judge slaps her on the wrist again.... then I am sure from here on out BM will just do whatever she feels she can whenever she wants to.

Just a sad and unnecessary situation.

I believe BM has serious issues mentally and emotionally. May be abusing meds as well, since she is always at the docs. We are basically at a loss wondering what the heck is her problem.

DH is attempting to do the best he can for his daughter and their relationship. Now the ball is in the lawyer and judges court. We will see what happens. Will post an update as the case progresses.