Hoping it is not what it is....................... BM back at it again maybe? Geez!
Every year - for probably about 12 years now - instead of celebrating Halloween, My family and I have a "Harvest Fest". It started out at my church and sometimes we have it at different families members homes. Well it is at my home this year. We all dress our kids up in some type of costume - we eat chili and hot dogs - we give gift bags for the kids- we have a game night and watch movies.
Well this year since it is at my home, of course I was excited and started planning it two months ago. Have the games planned for adults and kids. Have some friendly competitions going on with little trophies as awards. Gonna cook chili and hot dogs for the kids, Have my gift bags items ready to hand out..... It is just going to be good fun with family.
We of course we were excited cause Halloween falls on DH's visitation this year. So we told SD we were so happy she would be able to attend and told her to pick out her costume. We have been talking about this party and getting ready - and SD is so excited to participate. (I also threw an Easter Party this year as well, and she attended this year - as it was DH's visitation weekend - and happened to be around SD's birthday on 10 April - SD had a absolute blast with the Easter egg hunt, birthday party, game bash - but for some reason it was not well received by BM or BM's mother when SD returned home.)
Well, now that every time DH talks with SD - she is so excited to come and wants to make sure it is still happening. Of course we are excited to have her here to participate as well. She just sounds overjoyed she will be here with the other kids too. I have 7 nieces and nephews attending, 2 family friends kids attending, DH has his 3 nephews attending, their parents and a couple other adults.
DH get a call from BM Monday stating SD has the flu and has to be out of school 5 days and may not be able to travel. DH asked BM if she thought SD had the flu to please take her to the doctor and get her check out as she has asthma. BM took SD to the doctor and never gave DH an update. SO DH spoke with SD last night and found out SD was not feeling as bad as BM stated. After speaking with the doctor, DH found out SD basically could have gone back to school yesterday or today and basically has a cold/allergies going on. She tested negative for a viral infection or the flu.
Our problem is BM is using this to block SD from attending the Harvest Fest and DH's visitation weekend. Today is Wednesday and she has basically let DH know that SD will still be recovering on Friday, Saturday and will be unable to attend the party on Saturday. DH would usually pick her up on Friday for his visit - as we live out of state.
I just don't understand why she would not want her daughter to attend the Harvest Fest after SD has been speaking of it for the past 4 weeks or so. Why can she not put the hatred aside for us for once and left SD enjoy what her father, his family and everyone here is doing? I am not understanding why the hatred runs that deep? I know she told DH she hates him because he did not marry her or move back to her state - this happened 7 years ago - before SD was even born. Then she has told him and SD she dislikes me because I married him last august (2008). But in my opinion (as a BM myself) my daughter's happiness comes first - no matter what I think of her dad's actions in the past. DH pays his child support each month, picks her up on his weekends and always asks for extra time, and follows his court order, and does not cause BM any drama - he treats her with respect and works with her when he can. He really loves his daughter - and is really hurt each time BM does these type things.
Why is it a "good" father has to have such a hard time when it comes to getting visitation with his daughter? Geez, he has a court order and even if he didn't. He is her dad. Why persecute a man that is doing the right thing.....? In a world when so many don't?
..............At any rate, we informed our lawyer of this and her trying to use a "pseudo illness" to block the visit this weekend. Lawyer informed us that if SD goes to school one day this week between Wed and Fri - then BM basically has no leg to stand on at all. We have the notes from the doctor visit - stating no flu, etc.. She cannot be well enough to attend school but not well enough to go on her "court ordered" weekend visitation. If she is out of school all week - then of course we are not going to drag her to VA if she is not feeling well.
I just thought the new court order would have bought us more time - before the alienation started up again.
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Comments
That's absolutely carp for
That's absolutely carp for you guys. All I can suggest is your DH phoning SD each night to see how she's feeling - hopefully she'll say she's feeling up to going back to school & it'll be sorted. He can also make sure that she knows he wants her for the weekend, but obviously if she's ill a long journey won't be good for her - that way the BM can't tell SD he just didn't turn up or didn't want her there.
I'd pick her up anyway just
I'd pick her up anyway just to make the point to BM. She cannot refuse visitation, unless the child is in the hospital. That's BS, plain and simple. Now, as a parent myself, if my child were truly ill, I'd likely keep them home too, but is she truly ill?
You know what I would
You know what I would do....And this sounds horrible but I really would.
1) I would get a note from the doctor stating SD was well enough to go to school.
2) I would have DH call BM and let her know that because SD is just so sick he has canceled the party. For the next time she comes to visitation and wasnt sure if she wanted to tell SD or if he should call. Have DH tell BM it was a huge hassle for you, but were able to get the dates changed. (have him lie his butt off)
3) When SD starts to feel better (cause I bet she will). Have it be a surprise harvest party for her
4) If by chance SD doesn't not make it to the party - let her help plan a small harvest party with the kids one weekend. - Parents are always looking to let kids wear the customs more than once.
And from this day forward - be careful about plans and telling stepdaughter. We cant tell the kids anything until we have them safely in our custody Friday afternoon
That's brilliant libby! I
That's brilliant libby! I would also contact the school daily to find out if she's been there or not.
Libby, We are in the exact
Libby,
We are in the exact same boat...my DH and I will not reveal any plans until we have picked up the boys for our parenting time. Their excitement is just too much to bear, and their mom always finds a way to ruin it for them. She has told them about any surprise that she has ever known about. Makes me sooooo mad.
So they're always waiting to see what we have planned. It's not a perfect solution, but it works much better than their BM ruining stuff for us all.
Our first taste of this was
Our first taste of this was our wedding when BM found out she refused to allow the kids to come. So we moved it up a week - some deposits were lost. But we got it done since then BM knows nothing until the kids come home that Sunday night.
But of course BM did have to call DH on our wedding night to complain about the amount of Hairspray in my SD hair. We of course let the phone go to voicemail
ooo - if you can get
ooo - if you can get something from the Dr saying she's well enough to go to school could you not then contact the school & get BM into trouble? If you could get that done tomorrow SD will have to go back on Friday no doubt & you can then pick her up for the weekend.
I would not go this far
I would not go this far yet....Still custodial parents right to keep the child out of school if they feel they are not well enough.
I know I have kept my BD out she just wasn't feeling it that day. Normal she is a schoolaholic, and will never miss a day. She was just having one of those days, but a doctor would of easily said she was cleared for school
I'm totally throwing this
I'm totally throwing this out there as just a thought that crossed my mind. You said that the Easter celebration wasn't well received by BM either; could it be her views on the faith based portion of the holidays? That's such a touchy subject that rather than say anything directly, which would be the responsible thing to do, she's trying to skirt the issue by keeping SD away? Like I said just a random thought I had.
Libby beat me to the
Libby beat me to the punch!
That's what I was going to suggest.
Lie your ass off to BM. Clearly, the ONLY reason she's pulling this crap is because of PAS- God FORBID your SD has fun at "that house"...oh the HORROR!!!
We dealt with the same things for years with our BM. As soon as the girls got the least bit excited about coming to our house, the crap would start. They were "sick". Something else "unexpected" came up. They needed to stay with her for some BS reason.
Have your DH stick to the custody schedule NO MATTER WHAT. Even if she is sick. Why can't HE, as her father, take care of her?
I just don't understand these psycho BMs. They have children with these men and then, just to be SPITEFUL and VINDICTIVE after the breakup, they decide that these same men are no longer capable to care for their OWN CHILDREN???
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Evil - Our beliefs are the
Evil - Our beliefs are the same.... She was upset SD came back talking about the party we had.
Thanks ladies......... I have an update that i will post about in a moment..... on the regular blog.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************