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What in the hell ?!?!?!?

imagr8tma's picture

Well after a long weekend of traveling to NC for SD's graduation and dance receital it is yet more drama with BM.

First we completely ignored BM this weekend. My DH, I, BD and other family members drove down 4.5 hours and stayed the weekend for the festivites. This weekend was great. We did not have to go through BM for any informaiton. We got all of it from the school and dance company. Purchased our tickets for attendance and just showed up.

BM was not sure if we were attending or not - so it did not give her the opportunity to act a azz. She was just as surprised as SD was to see us. WHICH made the entire experience very nice. BM did not have the time to come up with her evil plan nor did her family.

The only thing she knew was that we were going to pick up SD on Saturday after her dance receital for her 2.5 week visit this month (we have another 2.5 weeks scheduled for July as well.)

It was absolutely great, SD was so surprised to see us and ended staying with us for the weekend. We completely ignored BM and when she called handed the phone to SD. When she asked to speak to DH - he politely told her there was nothing to discuss other than having her bag and medications ready for her summer visit.

SOOOOOO.... after we left NC and came back to VA yesterday.... She starts up the drama again. This winch tells DH and that is not necessary to wash or comb SD's hair for the next 2.5 weeks.

WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?! spraying on hair oil daily and wrapping with a hair wrap for 2.5 weeks was not acceptable. Although we are african american's we usually don't wash our hair everyday due to it severly drying out - there is absolutely no way i am not going to wash and deep condition her hair while she is here. She will get her hair washed on the same schedule as Myself and BD. Every 3 - 4 days we wash, deep condition and blow dry our hair with all natural products (they are orange, peppermint, pineapple and coconut products).

I told DH i can not believe she said that to him. ANY Other time she sends sd with braids with rubberbands on the end.

Who in the heck would not wash their kids hair for 2.5 weeks..... WHAT?

I am sure she will attempt to use the fact that we washed her hair against us.... and i truly hope she goes to court on 14 July and says it from the stand. It will really make her look bad that she asked the child's father not to wash her hair and allow the hygiene standards to go down just because of her anger for the father.

Comments

Amazed's picture

why the hell would she want her daughter walking around with a dirty head when you seem more than capable with taking care of her?? Obviously it is understandable to wait 3-4 days before washing but not 2.5 weeks. That's craziness. I would just love to see her say that in court. LMAO, that would be a classic moment! I would really hope the judge is African-American so he/she really understands the hair situation...I would just die to be a fly on the wall when BM spouts her craziness in court.

Tell BM if she wants her daughter to have terrible hygiene at her house that's fine but if she doesn't want you doing her hair then she needs to provide money for you to take her somewhere to get it done that way you don't "mess it up by using the wrong product" She's unreal!

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

anita...sigh's picture

That poor kid would have the worst case of cradle cap at the age of 8 then could be imagined! I would be "Yeah, whatever" and then do what you normally do.

We all smile in the same language

Gia's picture

(at least for this house...

OUR house, our rules...

DH has just as much power of decision as BM ...

BM tried to tell me the way i had to wash SD5's private parts... and I told her that I was going to do it my way, in my house... Smile

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

Gia's picture

this is the perfect example of how sometimes the stepkids' own mother doesn't have the best interest on the child, but on making drama...

Why would I want my child to have a smelly, greasy head?

Wouldn't you think that they should be thankful that they have people caring about their child(ren)...

whatever...

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

Rags's picture

the basic premise of good hygiene applies. Regular though not necessarily daily bathing or hair washing) is a health issue for everyone. The more people in a home the more critical hygiene is.

I just about gagged when I read that BM is forbidding you and DH from the washing of SD's hair for 2.5 weeks. Hair washing every few days is one thing but not washing it for 17days is just gross.

I and my family are European Americans ;), and if we don't wash our hair nearly everyday we turn in to grease balls. My Wife's family are not extremely regular bathers. Their home has this low level back ground Body Odor funk, their furniture and beds are stained with body soil and they tend to get pretty greasy as far as their hair is concerned so hygiene is something my wife and I are pretty sensitive about. Which is why my Skids recent penchant for not showering has been a regular ST rant for me over the past couple of weeks.

In HS one of my roommates was African American. Hair care/hygiene for him was far more complex than it was for myself and our other White Boy roommate. One bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap pretty much does it for me. If I even sniff a bottle of hair conditioner my hair gets oily. It was a learning experience for me and I learned quite a bit about the different hygiene requirements for Caucasians and Africans including the term "ashy" which I had never thought about until we became roommates. He was an avid user of skin lotion and hair oil.

Your house, your rules including hygiene requirements for the residents.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)

imagr8tma's picture

I am thinking the same thing. What mother of all people would want their kid to walk around with a greasy, sweaty, smelling head of hair. I can understand her not wanting me to wash it on the weekend - it is only two days.

BUT i am really starting to think she is trying to set us up for court. How would she expect even a bad mom not to wash their kids hair for 2.5 weeks?

I just can not fathom it at all.

I am so sick of her. When i read back over my blog today - it is like this crap is straight out of comic books.

When does this crap end. I am praying the judge hears out our case and decides in our favor.

DH called the lawyer on this and he told us to do as we would normally do if SD lived in our house on a regular basis. I am going to take it a step farther. I am going to take a pic before and after the hair washing and blow drying both weeks. This will go in our log book for her medications - just in case she acts a fool in court.

WHICH by the way - SD is with us for 2.5 weeks - missing one of her medications and no medical insurance card.

Although BM does not know i added her to my insurance policy (even though her mom has her covered) BUT i can just not take the chance of SD getting sick here and we have no coverage for her - i wouldn't dare take that chance.

DH is a vet and gets free care at the va hospital - but she will be covered with me and my BD in case anything happens.

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

BM is a nutcase!

As some others said, your house, your rules! BM has no right to tell you what to do while SD is in your care. Our BM thinks she can do this to us. Yet, we comment on something going on at her house & she tells us it's none of our business. We're not allowed to call BM on neglect issues -- BM laughs, and Child Services & mediators tell us we can't tell BM what to do at her house. Ummm...ok. Apparently no one cares if SD8 goes a week without bathing, has huge holes in the crotch of her pants, doesn't do her homework, etc. This isn't an issue. But BM can harass us about everything under the sun & that's ok. It's so messed up!

Sasha's picture

but I think your BM takes the cake. I have never, ever heard of a mother forbidding anyone wash their daughter's hair. I'm sorry, but I would have taken that as an insult.

imagr8tma's picture

I did take it as an insult. I think it is disgusting as well.

She truly hates my DH and the fact that he moved on 6 years ago. AND i think she lets that taint her judgement when it comes to her daughter.

I would never tell my daughter's father or anyone who she was with for even 5 days not to wash her hair. It is just a part of natural good hygiene.

We have about one month's time before court - so i am just going to continue to document everything and take the information to the custody hearing on 14 JULY.

I would never - I mean never neglect my daughter or sd that way - no matter how upset i am at DH or my X. I mean the kids have nothing to do with it and should not be made to suffer because of adult issues. Period!

Most Evil's picture

I am sure it would become uncomfortable for SD too, to go so long between hair washing - BM must be a whacko! Good luck in court and I like the photo idea!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin