Some advice, PLEASE!
I have 50/50 custody with twin skids9, boy and girl. Boy plays football and girl is cheer leader for his team. I also have an SD13 but she isn't referred to in this blog. (FOR ONCE)
Today, as I am dropping skids off at school, SD9 says to me that she "hates school, it is worthless and stupid." She also says, "I am tired because I never get to rest because of cheer leading." She is crying and being almost rude to me because I am making her go to school.
If it were my daughter I would say to her that she better buck up and take care of her business, muddle through with her commitment and if she wants to do after school activities then she better figure it out fast. It is all temporary and requires a lot of sacrifice. It is good for her.
I can't talk this way to my skids. When ever I have to keep it real with them it comes back from BM that I am mean to her kids.
As far as BM goes, when SD started this crying about school thing to her, she kept her home from school. Now, SD is behind in her studies and crying because she has so much homework and can't get it all done. Stressing this hard about school at 9 years old seems a little dramatic to me, but I buck up and show my support for her. I tell her to let me worry about school for her. BM also controls the flow of all these activities and she is really bad at it.
So all week I am; caring for whining skids, running them back and forth and forcing them to go to a practice they don't even want to go to, sucking up what I really want to say to them and I been ill on top of it all. BTW, DH comes home from work and goes to bed because he is soooo tired. I'm not sure how I do it, as I am up with him each morning and go to bed after him because of all skids needs and I have my own 15 year old AND I take care of my 90 year old Uncle.
NOW, I have a chance to get out of the house for the weekend and play in a softball tournament with my girlfriends I haven't seen but twice in 4 months and DH is pissed at me for signing up. Even though I asked his highness permission before I agreed to play.
Someone PLEASE tell me how I find my smile again....I lost it about 3 years ago.
- Ingrid's blog
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Comments
OH MY goodness; it is
OH MY goodness; it is comforting to know that I am not alone; but also sad that others are living like this. I agree; if we say it to our own flesh and blood - which we gave birth to; why the HELL can't we say it to OUR SK. I get the look of death if I say anything remotely rude to my SD13; or called a bitch by dad.
Take some time for yourself; and what would he do if you actually did say what you meant?? Yes maybe the first couple times would be an argument; but if you are truely treating yours the same; F it - it can't get any worse right??
You try it first and let me know how it goes.......hahahhahaha
Good luck; have a good time at your softball tournament!!
I do talk to DH about HIS
I do talk to DH about HIS children. He agrees with me about how it should be handled but does nothing because he is too overwhelmed with the recourse of BM and he doesn't want to piss off the kids. When he does 'keep it real' with them, they make him want to blow his head off by causing him guilt and frustration.
As I continue to express the troubles and turmoils about his kids, he gets tired of hearing it and accuses me of nagging or says that I don't like his kids. Ridiculous! There are no bad kids, only bad parents. I do love my skids and want to make happiness for them...but in this situation, I feel like my hands are tied.
I get that too;if If say too
I get that too;if If say too much - I get, "just say you hate her." I don't hate her - in fact I feel like she's one of my own I Have been with her for 11 years!! It is good that you are able to talk to him. The one thing I have learned - I myself make a point and even if he does agree I keep on talking about it; then he gets annoyed with me. Make your point and see how it pans out. I have no patience for this though; but he tells me if I would just leave him be - he might do something about it... Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.
Wow I recognize DH is tired
Wow I recognize DH is tired from work, but if they are his kids, he needs to spend quality time with them. If you have no input and no influence with regards to parenting these skids, then you have no business being responsible for them this way. DH needs to modify the residency agreement to something where he can be more involved with his kids without that burden falling on you. If he's not willing to do that then he has no business having the residency schedule he does with those skids.
Changing residence schedule
Changing residence schedule is not an option. I have tried. The kids have tried. Neither parent will give in, unless the kids are to live with THEM.