Whether or not he continues his relationship with his son, he should NOT be continuing one with BM. I don't give a rat's ass what kind of emergency she has. She is an adult and she needs to start acting like one. He needs to tell her that he knows she is lying and that he is no longer playing her games.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Well, I may be blasted for this, but:

This is a really crucial moment. I applaud that your FH wants to continue a relationship with this child -- that is so admirable. BUT: it is critically important that he not allow the conversation with BM to give her the impression that she is in control.

Yes, she does have physical custody of the child. And judging from what you've said about her, she will be doing whatever she can to take advantage of him -- lying even in the face of the facts, or if (when) she figures out that she can get more out of him by blackmailing him, she may threaten to not let him see the child unless he gives her more, more, more.

FIrst, I don't remember from your other blogs if he has consulted an attorney to find out what his rights and/or obligations are. I strongly suggest your FH do this BEFORE talking to the BM. Even if that means postponing this conversation. Your FH needs to come into this in as strong a position as possible.

Next, once he is armed with the knowledge of his rights, he will be able to talk to BM in a position of power. And in that, I would suggest that he not give in to any temptation to cave to anything she is going to demand of him. If he is paying her CS and taking some visitation, he can threaten to go to court and have CS eliminated if she f*cks with him. Even if he wouldn't do it, my guess is that this is going to turn into a pissing contest, and she needs to not smell weakness on him.

My experience is that men with children (and your FH counts in this category) tend to want to bend over backwards to accommodate the BM out of fear that they will not see their kids anymore. But the reality is, once they see that calling the BM's bluff actually GAINS them power, they are less afraid and more able to assert their rights. My main advice to your FH would be to not respond to any threats BM gives him, and to be very calm and assertive, and let her know that SHE is the one who has lost power in this paternity test, not HE.

The tone that you set in this conversation could determine the course of everything that happens next.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

How can she insist that he is the child's bio-father when two tests have proven that she is lying? FH needs to decide what kind of relationship he wants to have with this child. He can be like an uncle that checks in on him and occassionally takes him to a fun event like a baseball game or a movie (if BM will allow him to stay in SS's life that way) or he continues to be a father to the boy. Obviously, if he intends to stop paying support then he will need to go back to court and he will also need to have himself removed from the boy's birth certificate. As long as he continues to be the father of record the court will expect that he continue to pay support.

A zebra can't get rid of his stripes. The chances that BM is going to give up an inkling of the power she has over your husband is about zero. You have no control over that or her. But what you can change is you.

I would fully support your husband, the man you have to live with for the rest of your life. If he is tired of the drama, and only wants to see the kid on certain days, then support his decision. If she is like the selfish little troll BM that my ex has to deal with, she will see that her power is gone when she asks him to do things and he says no. WHat is she going to do, not let him see the kid? That would require her to give up her free time, and chances are, she isn't going to want to. And who is she going to call up for emergencies. Because if she won't let him see him on certain days, then does she think that he is going to jump when she says jump. Its almost laughable.

Don't these BMs know that when they don't want the ex to see the kid, it only further solidifies why the ex hates them, and it makes him detach from the kids. Her kids. My grandma always said a man who doesn't see his kids, will move on and forget them. Basically she was trying to tell me to not play games with my kids, because my SO will move on, and my precious kids will be the losers. I am grateful that my ex is such a good father. I tell him that as well, because he needs to be given credit. Now my dh's bm only calls to bitch him out, and this just makes him not want to talk to her even more, and really it makes him not want to have her drama in his life.

SO you have the power to take back your life, and eliminate her from it. See the child at your convenience, not hers.

I think he could make the switch by letting SS know that he is not his bio dad but still loves him and would like him to come over to visit. DO NOT have a regular visitation schedule but have SS call or your DH call if they wish to get together.

If you keep the same schedule the little boy will think that his BM is telling the truth becuz why else would he visit a man EOW? That he must be his father.

You know I have to agree with some of the above posters. If I found out that a kid was not my hubby's, then I would want that child to know. Life is short, and why should you and dh have a strain in your relationship for a child that isn't even his. Its not fair to you or him.

It is not his fault that his ex is a whore who had a kid with someone else. But you are right, if you have kids of your own, then the time that he spends with whore's kid is time that he is not spending with yours.