Skids
Hi all,
I do have a long story but late at night so keeping it short for now.
Basically, my partner & I have been together for nearly 3 years (not sure how we survived that long). His 3 kids have been on holiday & brought him a souvenir from the trip but I got nothing. Here's me questioning whether his kids actually like me or just puts up with me cos I'm with their dad.
Mulling it over, one of his sons used to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread til me & his dad had a big row on New Years. Then, his son & daughter threatened to not see him unless I was rid of but he stood his ground by me & now they got no choice but to face the fact I am around whether they bloody like it or not. It's a case of "I know what they said & they know too". His other son couldn't care less what went down as long as he could spend time with his dad & would want to stay even if it's not dad's weekend with them. I feel grateful that one of them felt like that. That leaves the other 2 who are bloody minded in making me suffer. While they are slowly coming around, the one who don't care claimed a seat on my new sofa & no-one else can sit in it, even his siblings (!) He reminded them of that if they ever visit again. And I said if they hadn't been so daggers at me, it wouldn't have happened so their fault.
Just giving you background info quickly. Any questions, please ask.
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Comments
"Do they just put up with me cuz I'm with their dad?"
Answer: yes.
Disengage, all you need to do is be polite and civil. Period. If they are the same, that's the best you can hope for.
You sound like a warm person who'd like to be part of the family. They don't and never will see it that way. Im sorry, it's just the SP reality most of the time.
Perfect answer
Listen to this advice - it is gold.
Yes they don’t like you
How many times are they going to show you that. Now you don't like them also. They are not invited to your home. Your DH can see them outside of your home, you do nothing for them, No gifts, cards or MONEY of any type. IRS called disengaging
I mean, they told you they
I mean, they told you they don't like you, nearly verbatim. Not sure what kind of fight you and your partner got into so it's hard to say if they are justified in their anger and whether it will go away or if they're getting involved in adult issues that don't concern them. Either way, though, they are under no obligation to like you or have a relationship with you. Likewise, you're not required to like or have a relationship with them.
If this bothers your partner, he needs to work it out with his kids. This is where the topic/type of fight becomes important. There are lines that can't be uncrossed once they're crossed, so if the fight was one of those instances, he'll have to make a choice and either accept that this is the relationship his kids choose to have or pick his kids over you.
YEP
They put up with you because Dad.
Same here. I would do some reading around here. Many of us that are in the same boat.
His 3 kids are teenagers.
His 3 kids are teenagers. They expect me to say hello & goodbye but they don't do it, not that I'm bothered. His older daughters (twins age 23) are just as bad cos they come over & ignore me & my daughter. I have tried to talk to them but they have zero interest. Maybe it's cos I'm deaf & my daughter is autistic with learning difficulties. So maybe to them, we're too difficult to deal with. His twin daughters on purpose took pics of all of them without me & my daughter back in 2020 even though I did make an effort but I can't control how they feel or do. And they did that again sometime in 2021 so now I just don't care bout them, as long as they don't visit much.
I made a point of not saying hello to one of his sons last week to see if he would say hello back but he didn't. So if he does whinge about it, I'll just say that this one time I don't say hello is not the end of the world & he didn't make sure he did either so get over it.
I agree that they don't like me but they have to remember they come into my home, eat & sleep here. One of his other sons is okay with me & me with him. He's laid back & at least he tries to interact so I'm glad about that.