Desperate for advice
Hi Everyone
It's good to know that I can vent here, I have nobody to talk to about this issue, especially not my husband at this point as he's been taken over by the dark side.
Yes, I have a SD of 19. I have 3 children of my own, ages 26, 23 and 14. My son of 26 and daughter of 14 stay with us and my middle son is on his own, working.
My husband and I have been together for just over 4 years now and trust me, it has been no easy road. For the first few years of our relationship, things were tough, but we had a mutual respect and agreement that none of the kids would ever come between us, that it was us setting the foundation and boundries and the kids had to follow. This especially when his then 15 year old daughter was moving in and out with boyfriends as she couldn't get her way with "daddy" and put us through litteral hell. We had councelling sessions with her too, but nothing budged. She was just straight out a spoiled brat that continuosly threw her toys out the cot when "daddy" wouldn't take her side or when she just plainly didn't get her way. Unfortunately, "daddy" has been manipulated by her for years because her own biological mother walked out on them when stepdaughter was 14. So of course "daddy" is on a permanent guilt trip and pleases his daughter to keep her happy. She has no respect for me at all and in actual fact doesn't give a crap about her dad (don't even get me started on that), but things are now turning. For the past few months now, she's wiggled her way in so deep to cause a mountain of a wedge between her father and I. Instead of my husband communicating with me after work, he instead goes and speaks to his daughter. They send messages and hearts to each other during the day. No messages to me anymore. She is thriving on the attention by her dad of course and daddy is just to blind to see what is happening. I can't talk to him about how I feel anymore because he's very quick to defend his daughter. She's narcistic too, which is not helping the cause.
I am so lonely in my marraige at this point and so hurt by this. I feel so betrayed by my husband. We don't have that loving relationship anymore, which is exactly where stepdaughter has filled that "gap" with him. I am helpless.
Please, does anyone have any advice?
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Comments
Yes
Divorce.
So you heard the "we won't let the kids come between us" (TM) speech at the onset too?
This at best is "good intentions" which it's easier said than done....at worst? bait and switch.
You probably know this is not a SD problem...it is an H problem which has been allowed BY HIM to go full blown mini wife. This is NOT a good example for your bios.
Its teaching your sons to act that way towards their spouse should they have daughters. It is teaching your daughter that manipulating males works.
You could try counseling but a leopard doesn't change its spots.
Welcome. You are NOT alone.
Advice
I've been there! And I totally agree with the guilt trip!
But my lady....
Love yourself and be happy. You left them win when they know your hurting. Even your husband. Find a happy place or create one. Spend time with friends and those who show you love and respect!
Don't allow them to take your pride and soul. Let them do as they please it gets old after awhile! Just do what only you have power to do!
People don't change no matter what they say. I know I have 5yrs under my belt with this punk kid.
Niw, I'm doing better my.health improved. My creations following.
I've accepted and moved on. They can fight for the scraps! My heart belongs to me!!!
Eww, another man having an
Eww, another man having an emotionally incestuous relationship with his daughter. Yuck, they send each other hearts during the day?!
I'm not sure what keeps you there, but if he doesn't care about your feelings at all (which it seems he doesn't), I hope it doesn't keep you there long.
First of all, you are not
First of all, you are not helpless. You have the freedom of choice and you need to take control of YOUR life and not allow your H and his daughter to run it. You are not a victim here. I’d try one last time to communicate with the H about your concerns, if no changes are made I’d tell him what actions you will take. Are you ready to move on and end the marriage if he continues to betray you with his mini-wife?
Your H’s lack of parenting from guilt is not helping his daughter. Are you prepared to continue living in her shadow, being placed in the back burner because your H lacks the skills and balls to place you as a priority? You are his wife and somehow he’s gotten that twisted. Take ownership of YOUR life OP. No one can do it for you. If he’s not willing to make changes perhaps its time you reconsider this marriage.
Big question is
Do you really have a marriage? Seems like DH is letting his DD take over your role as wife. Do you really want to live this way. ??