The situation: YSS asked to come over. Then DH calls BM to see if it's okay with her (careful about relaxing the stay at home stuff). BM told DH that she and YSS got in an argument yesterday and he is mad at her. [AH, HA. THAT is why YSS wants to come over. Neither kid has offered or asked to come over in 2.5 months.]

What was the horrible thing BM did? She bought something -you know, like a mom thing where you remember at Target that a kid could use a new string bag or sleeve of tennis balls- and gave it to OSS and not to YSS. And it wasn't something only YSS is into or needed. He's also working and has money so he could have bought it (OSS is just finishing his college year and there are no jobs). Plus YSS didn't bother to get OSS a present for his bday, which was a few weeks ago. The kid is so cheap and now flipped out because his mom didn't give him the thing. [Though upon reflection she may have done this to herself, she used to buy him whatever he wanted, and took him shopping as an activity.]

Since I've known him YSS has been manipulative and he's played people. He's played DH and BM for years and years and they have been on opposite sides. It would cut down on situations like this if DH would just address it with YSS. Personally, I would bring it up, tell YSS that I heard about the argument, that it seems a bit like this house is being used as an escape, that what BM did was not his to question or challenge, and that YSS should apologize to BM for challenging her and arguing when he gets back there. (You know, parent the kid. Worked for XH and I to let each other know of bad behaviors and we did not allow DS to disrespect the other parent.)

DH knows I would do that--he's watched me do it with DS-- but he said he's not going bring it up because he doesn't want to "yell at" YSS.