If you and your DH are fully vaccinated, my understanding is you are safe. We (I'm in the fully vaccinated club too) run a risk of spreading to others who are not, which is why we still wear masks.

I would let it go. You are protected and if they are irresponsible, it really isn't your fault. We all want to get back to our lives, they are making stupid choices but those choices won't make YOU sick.

Everyone has a different comfort level.  In your situation, with you, your DH and your ILs fully vaccinated, and your kids partially vaccinated (I think much of the immunity comes with the first dose), I would be OK with that situation.  But I'm not you.  I resigned myself a year ago to living with some Covid risk.  My DH works in the trades - he's been working full time throughout the pandemic and he's in and out of stranger's houses daily.  Many of those people don't wear masks (our state is not particularly mask-compliant) and he has no idea what risks they take.  BM takes few precautions.  She's anti-mask and anti-vaccine.  She has never, not even at the beginning of the pandemic, allowed Covid to interfere much with what she does.  She sees friends and family, goes to restaurants and the gym, and takes the skids wherever she wants.  Plus she has a skid in her house, and she has no control over what happens at his mother's house.  My skids have been in full time in-person school for the entire school year.  And most of this was happening before I was vaccinated.  To me, being at your IL's house would be nothing (at least from a Covid perspective).  But your situation is different.  You've been cautious the whole time.  You're not singling your ILs out - you've been cautious with everyone.

I guess what I would do before making a huge deal of this is to look at the CDC guidelines (I haven't paid attention to them regularly so I'm not sure if your exact situation is addressed).  If the situation at your IL's house - with everyone vaccinated - is something that the guidelines say is OK, you might have a lot of convincing to do with your DH.  If their recent travels would put staying there outside of the guidelines, it'd be easier to demonstrate your reasonableness to your DH by pointing at the guidelines.  Keep in mind that at SOME point we're going to have to put ourselves out there, and you don't want your DH giving you sh*t about something YOU want to do in the near future because of the stance you took with his parents.  OTOH, if you are truly uncomfortable, go with your gut. 

First off thank you for acting like a responsible person during this difficult pandemic.

Second, thank you for getting your vaccine. I do understand that some people can and should not get the vaccine but a hoax is not one of them. IMO

And NO you are not an a -hole. You should be upset. I applaud you.

The guidelines are that typically, vaccinated people are safe to be together - though if you are immunocompromised, your vaccine may not have been as effective. 

That's what we are dealing with, DH and I are both vaccinated, but he is on immunosuppressants, and the one study done showed that less than 20% of people on those meds showed antibodies after the first vaccine.

So we canceled Easter plans with my sister because she and her H are in the "COVID is no big deal" group and refuse to be vaccinated. But we are doing things with others who are fully vaccinated (though not overnights), considering the risk of them getting it and passing it on is low.

If DH were not immunocompromised, I'd be doing much more with vaccinated people and would definitely stay with the ILs in your situation.  But you have to decide.

From what I read, you and your DH, and the MIL and FIL that you had plans to stay with are all vaccinated at this point?

If that's true, then I don't see any issue staying with them, regardless of them continuing to be "safe". CDC new guidelines state that vaccinated people can now visit without masks or social distancing.

However! This whole pandemic is a tricky thing, and I think it's important for everyone to be respectful of each others choices. 

May I ask why/ what you are concerned will happen since you all are vaccinated? Are you worried you or DH may still get COVID? or perhaps bring it home to the unvaccinated kids?? Just curious on your thoughts.

Would MIL and FIL allay your concerns and get a Covid test after they return? A negative Covid test and vaccination would make me feel it was safe to stay with them.

You are doing what you feel comfortable with and this is YOUR event, that YOU worked for.

Do what YOU need to.

"I am going to a very socially-distanced graduation ceremony in their home town because I am finally graduating with an advanced degree through a college there. "

First let me say CONGRATULATIONS on getting your degree!!! 

I copied and pasted the line above because, that is the ONLY line in your post that matters.  This is YOUR day, YOUR graduation and DH should only be concerned with you!!  Now it should really be that way every day however we will stick with this current event.  Your DH needs to stay with you at a hotel and attend your graduation.  Have some outdoor socially distanced gatherings with the in-laws before you leave.  No one likes it well tuff for them!!  

We won't debate the rules or the effectiveness of the vaccine again for this post it does not matter.  It is your comfort level and that is where it lies.  DH and I stay with no one, allow no indoor visits wear masks etc.  We have through the whole Pandemic.  We follow this as our blanket rule so we don't have to get involved with the politics of the vaccine, the virus or the spread.  This way no one can say but you went to "Karen's" party but not ours?  We have this guideline across the board!

In the end your day, your life, your comfort level and everyone should respect that!!

FWIW... I would probably put this in the category of "acceptable risk".  Part of the reason I got the vaccine was so that I could start living my life normally with a reduced risk of getting ill.. or making other people ill.

I think that the odds are fairly low.. probably almost undetectable, for this particular scenario.  I mean.. probably right on up there with going to the store even weariing a mask with a ton of people that may or may not be drinking the koolaid on the seriousness of Covid.

It's likely that your travel there constitutes a greater risk than the covid possibility.  If you could trust them to be honest about any symptoms that they might have had prior to your visit... I would probably do it.

I'm not sure if numbers help you make decisions or not, but cdc has reased data on breakthrough cases today where they have recorded that very low numbers of cases of fully vacinated people contracted covid. 

https://www.cnn.com/2021/04/14/health/breakthrough-infections-covid-vacc...

We can never eliminate risk, but by all being vaccinated your risks are pretty much as low as they are going to get.

Having said that, you are not being an a-hole. You are trying to protect yourself and your family by making very complex risk analysis decisions after a traumatizing year where a staggering number of people have died. 

I personally do not want to stay with my in-laws for the graduation weekend if they are coming back with fewer than seven days between their return on our stay. 

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Then don't stay with them...how about staying in a hotel?

You can decide to do what you want to. It's your decision Not the inlaws.

You and your family.  Don't let other people opioid sway you.  If DH is pitting other people feeling above your safety that's on him 

It's totally up to you, we have been over the top careful as well but this wouldn't deter me from staying.  All 4 of you are vaccinated and likely fine-even according to CDC guidelines.  You don't even know if the SIL is vaccinated-you could ask or suggest a test for all 4 of you but if I were your dh I can see where he finds it a tad unreasonable.  Your chances are likely slim to none on getting sick at that point.