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DH talked to OSS, he thinks it’s working

ITB2012's picture

DH told me he talked to OSS. Did he initiate it? No. OSS actually reached out. Really?! For what you may ask: to tell DH that he wouldn't be the one dropping off YSS but that he, OSS, would still like to stop by some time this week to see people and could he borrow the sander. 

Two questions come to mind when DH got to this part:

1. Why would OSS need a sander? He does not live on his own nor has he shown any interest in helping DH with home projects for $$.  Well seems he wants to borrow it to refinish BMs deck. Hmmmmmm

2. Why wouldn't OSS come now if he wants to see people because all the people are here now? Isn't it interesting timing that he wants to stop by during the week he knows DH and YSS are away camping. So "people" must mean DS (cause it sure as hell doesn't mean me).

At least at the point OSS made the request DH must have felt used and spoke to him about no contact, no response, no recognition or contact on holidays/special days by OSS. DH told OSS he was hurt by the lack of recognition. 

The conversation I had with DH did go in a way I could point out to him that despite our "harder" approach with DS, DS keeps on contact/has a good relationship with me and XH and has a better relationship with DH than DH does with his kids. DH puts himself in the beta male position with his kids and has not demonstrated by his behavior what he wants them to do (do as I say, not as I do), so this situation is not surprising. 
I didn't make much headway because DH is now more afraid to piss off the kid that he's an adult and can't be forced to have a relationship (even though it came up whether he even wants one with someone who doesn't hold up their end of it). And DH was all misty after OSS got right back to him after he texted about picking up the sander. (Sigh, he wants something, that's the reason.)

Comments

JRI's picture

I'm sure your DH will lend the sander.  He"s thinking, "OSS is coming around!  He is learning manusl trades!  He will ask for my advice!  We will bond!"

Questions from us jaded SPs: Will he get the sander back?   If so, will it still work?  How long til he gets it back?  Will this be the last thing OSS borrows?   Will OSS thank him?  Will OSS ask for his advice?  If anything goes wrong, who will OSS blame?

Lol.

 

 

ITB2012's picture

That's probably his inner monologue. 
And all your questions were my inner monologue. 

ITB2012's picture

The answer to the last one could be me, the stepparent. Perhaps I touched it. Perhaps I wasn't around to give him last minute instructions. Perhaps I made a comment that told him the wrong way. 

JRI's picture

I forgot that.  Everything is your fault.

Or, at our house:  everything I do is wrong but if,  by chance, I happen to do something right, why didn't I do more?  And, why didn't I do it sooner?  Lol.

thinkthrice's picture

save our sander.  Fifty bucks says it will come back broken from hitting nails and screws.

No WAY would i EVER loan out my or Chef's tools to his ferals!!

youdonotdefineme's picture

Can't BM hire a sander? I wouldn't be letting anything leave our house for BM;s benefit.  She can buy one or hire it.

ITB2012's picture

Loaning BM the sander. She's been fine ever since the HS decision went her way.

I mind loaning OSS the sander. His only contact with DH in two months has been to ask to borrow something of DHs to do a job for someone else? And the time we saw him two months ago he was here mainly to hang with DS and barely talked to DH. He's not mean to DH but it's obvious DH is a non-entity.